The city of Pittsburgh is known for many things. Pierogies and Iron City Beer. The Three Rivers and steel mills. Being named both Friendliest City and City of Champions. And it’s quickly gaining another reputation.

Home to the worst offensive coordinators in all of football.

Members of Steeler Nation are already familiar with the various crimes against offensive football committed by Bruce Arians. His schemes and game plans are positively Wile E. Coyote-like in their elaborate design and penchant for failure. But there’s another inept playcaller roaming the sidelines in Pittsburgh. His name is Matt Cavanaugh and he’s OC for the University of Pittsburgh.

Perhaps you had nothing better to do but tune into the Sun Bowl on New Year’s Eve. If you did, what you witnessed was football being set back roughly fifty years. That’s not a joke. The last time a game ended with a score of 3-0 was approximately fifty years ago in a game which may or may not have been coached by Pop Warner.

The point is it was an embarrassing performance which disgraced the team, the university, and the city of Pittsburgh. I’ve been hard on head coach Dave Wannstedt on these pages before but this game made me realize what it must feel like to be a Raider fan. The game plan was slightly less crazy than pissing in the wind, the adjustments were non-existent, and smart coaching decisions were totally absent. In short, I’d like to know what Wannstache was doing on the sideline because it doesn’t appear he was watching the game.

In a game plan which was about as useful as a shoddy bomb casing filled with used pinball machine parts, the Panthers decided to run superstar RB Shady McCoy left, then right, then left again, then up the middle for good measure. Unfortunately, Oregon State was aware of this ingenious strategy and stacked the line to stop him. Here is where it gets good. Instead of, oh, throwing some short passes and/or screens to loosen things up, Cavanaugh kept dialing up long bomb after long bomb. Great idea if you have a strapping rifle-armed gunslinger under center…a slight problem when you have noodle-armed Bill Stull and a howling wind.

No offense to Stull because I’m sure he tried his best but when you go 7 for 24 in a bowl game, you have no business starting. Pittsburgh is home to many great quarterbacks and I can’t figure out why Pitt hasn’t been able to find a decent one since Dan Marino back in 1982. Seriously, Rod Rutherford? Tyler Palko? Dirty Pete Gonzalez?

Two seasons ago, I remember counting not one not two but THREE QBs starting for NFL teams who went to high school in the Pittsburgh area. This season there’s rookie sensation Joe Flacco, who transferred out of Pitt due to recruiting politics. Local legend Terrell Pryor didn’t even CONSIDER Pitt which is embarrassing when you learn his final choices came down to Ohio State and Penn State. How inept is Wannstache that he can’t out-recruit a 98 year old man?  I mean, if he’s not a great recruiter and we’ve seen he’s not a brilliant game strategist, why exactly did they hire him?

I can’t understand why, with all the attention given to high school football and Friday Night Lights around here, Pitt year in and year out suffers from mediocre to downright rotten QB play. Last year when Stull was hurt, two highly touted recruits got a chance to play and both proceeded to blow. Of course the freshman, Pat Bostick, did play well in limited work this year so maybe there’s some hope on the horizon. The fact Wannstedt didn’t put him in the game at the beginning of the second half was both an insult to him and to any fan who paid hard earned money to travel to Arizona only to see the Stache make zero effort to win the game.

Unless you count a 58 yard FG attempt an honest attempt at victory.

So ends another college football season around these parts. Pitt finishes with 9 wins which means they fell short of the double digit plateau yet again. In fact, the last time they had 10 wins was… 1982! Funny how that works, huh?

I’m turning over a new leaf.

After stewing over Sunday’s embarrassing loss to the Indianapolis Colts, I’ve decided to stop dwelling on the negative. There’s no point in rehashing the past. What’s done is done and we must march onward toward the future.

I think I’ve watched one too many Mike Tomlin press conferences.

Anyway, instead of criticizing what’s gone horribly wrong with the Pittsburgh Steelers, I’m going to try and help them. From now on, this blog will be solutions oriented. Obviously, Tomlin and Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians need all the help they can get. I may have never coached one down of football at any level but I kick all kinds of ass when it comes to designing plays on Madden ’09 so I feel qualified to offer my advice. Arians probably blows at video games.

With that in mind, I’ve devised four easy-to-implement solutions which can’t help but drastically improve our offensive play.

1 – Establish Identity

The Steelers have been a running team going all the way back to the Dynasty teams of the 70’s. Ball control, grind-it-out offenses which throw the ball only as a complement to the ground game. There was a brief period when Jerome Bettis was hurt and our backups stunk where we became a high-powered run-and-gun offense under Tommy Maddox but that didn’t last long. And it wasn’t too successful either.

Over half way through this season and does anybody know what kind of offense we are?

We currently rank 24^th in rushing offense. Think about that. We’re currently behind the Kansas City Chiefs and Seattle Seahawks if both total yards and average/game.  Clearly we’re not a running team.

Maybe we’re a passing team. Hmmm… Well what do you know? We’re ranked a stunning 24^th in that category, too. Right behind the high-powered attacks of the Detroit Lions and San Francisco 49ers. Guess we’re not much of a passing team either.

I’m sure some people will point to our injury situation this year. Those people are idiots. Every team has injuries and unless you’re ineptly coached or poorly managed, you should be able to work through them. Sometimes that means finding new players. Sometimes that means finding new strategies.  Blaming poor play on injuries is just the ultimate in excuse making for homers in denial.

The Patriots were a high-powered aerial attack under Tom Brady. He was lost for the season, then they lost not only their starting running back but his backup as well. Guess what? They’re 7^th in rushing offense this season using an undrafted free agent who was 4^th on their depth chart at the start of the year. Yet they’re winning using a primarily running based offense because that’s what works best with their current personnel.

Mewelde Moore is a more than capable back. Gary Russell has looked decent when given a chance. Our line doesn’t always excel at run blocking but that’s the kind of thing which tends to improve with repetition. There is no reason we shouldn’t be able to go back to old fashioned Steeler football. For that to happen, however, a commitment has to be made to the run. That means no more of this one carry and then two passes crap. You have to keep feeding the backs even if the first few carries don’t net many yards.

2 – Throw It Away

Ben Roethlisberger is a magician. He has escaped sure doom to make a big play more often than any QB not named Flutie. However, he has to be smarter when it comes to time and place.

The Steelers only had 2 sacks on Peyton Manning last week. One reason is when he felt the heat bearing down on him, he’d throw the ball away. Does anybody remember the last time they’ve seen Big Ben do this? I honestly can’t.

He tries to save EVERY play. That’s either extremely confident or stupidly cocky. In any case, it’s hurting the team more than helping. When it’s the first half and you’re facing a 2^nd and 10, there is no harm in throwing the ball away so you may live to fight another play. How many times this season has Ben faced this situation and while twisting and turning like Urkel on the dance floor, he ends up taking a seven yard sack? If he learned to throw the ball away, we’d have a lot more 3^rd and 6’s instead of 3^rd and 14’s.

Obviously, if the team is down by 10 in the 4^th quarter, sure you try to make something happen. If it’s 3^rd down at midfield, sure you try to make something happen. But if you’re nursing a 3 point lead deep in your territory, that is not the time to take chances. Be smart.

3 – Start The QB Who Can Make All The Throws

The Tiffin Thunderbolt Nate Washington caught a bomb to break the game open against the Bengals. He caught another one to break it open against the Redskins. Last week? Nada. Know why?

The answer can be found in the Post-Gazette’s Notebook item on Ben:

The quarterback threw with limited effectiveness in drills and had ice applied to his right shoulder before leaving the practice field.

He didn’t hit Nate deep because he couldn’t throw deep. Why the hell would you start a QB if you know he can’t make all the throws? That’s ridiculous. If they want a guy who can’t get the ball more than 20 yards down the field under center, they should’ve signed Chad Pennington instead of Byron Leftwich.

Determine exactly what Ben’s injury situation will allow him to do. If he can play up to his normal level or reasonably close, start him. If he can’t, he sits. Simple as that.

4 – Simplify Schemes

Let’s be honest, athletes are not the brightest bulbs on the tree. One of the reasons given for Ben’s tremendous season last year was the fact Arians supposedly simplified a lot of the playbook he inherited from Ken Whisenhunt.

The terminology might be easier to remember but the schemes appear to be more complex than ever. There’s always an occasional miscommunication between receiver and QB. We all know it when it happens but only a douche like Neil O’Donnell throws their teammate under the bus publicly.

This year, however, there seems to be a degree of confusion which extends beyond the occasional. I often see two receivers running oddly similar routes. Other times I see them making complicated dekes, bobs, and curls which would make Sidney Crosby jealous. And there have been a lot of times where throws have gone to one spot while the wide out has gone to another.

Our line takes a lot of heat and they are definitely weak. But anybody who knows the basics of football knows a QB only has an average of 3-4 seconds to drop back and let the ball go.  Provided you can count that high, time them yourself the next time you see them play and you’ll realize except for on all-out blitzes, the line usually provides that much time.

They have given Ben a chance to step up and throw the ball on a fairly consistent basis.  The problem has been the 3 seconds of time they allot the QB hasn’t been enough to allow the complicated routes to develop. By the time the WR is in position and Ben has spotted them, he’s got a guy in his face.

The reason the offense tends to look much better in No Huddle situations is because that’s when you’re dealing with a very simple and limited set of plays. They are just basic formations and routes and everything is quick hits. That’s what we need to see more of, not just in Two Minute Drills, but in any passing situation.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to draw up a few tricky Wildcat type plays for the sadly unused Dennis Dixon.

History.

Last night, our country finally embraced the Rooney Rule on a national level when they elected Barack Obama the 44^th President of United States. As you can tell by the picture above, Dan Rooney is probably pretty happy about the result. Regardless of your political leanings, everyone should feel at least a little pride in the historic event which took place yesterday. When a man of mixed heritage, a man raised by his mother and grandmother, a man with such a diverse cultural background can rise to the level of President, it really says a lot about how far we’ve come as a society.

Of course, we all know who President-elect Obama has to thank for his victory.

The Pittsburgh Steelers.

By defeating the Washington Redskins on Monday night, Obama’s victory was all but guaranteed. Forget the polls. Forget Zogby. Forget CNN. The best indicator of who will win a Presidential election is the Redskins. For the last 30 years, with only one exception, the Redskin Rule has been 100% accurate in predicting the outcome. If the Skins win their last game before Election Day, the party in office stays in office. If they lose, the opposing party takes control. Therefore, by pulling out the win, the Steelers made it a lock for Barry O.

Speaking of history, those who don’t learn from it are doomed to repeat it. Two seasons ago, the Steelers were defending Super Bowl champs but QB Ben Roethlisberger ran afoul of a Gray Hair on the Seventh Street Bridge while on his motorbike. Then, the last week of preseason, he was felled by an emergency appendectomy. Replaced by Charlie Batch for the season opener against Miami, the Steelers won easily while Batch had an outstanding game. It was his last action of the season as Ben came back the following week against Jacksonville. He muddled through a terrible performance where neither team scored a TD, ending with a 9-0 loss. He played pretty poorly for several weeks, including in a loss to the hapless Raiders, a team which would only win 2 games all year.

After the loss to the Jags, disturbing rumors surfaced. Some said Ben played the game with a 100 degree temperature. Others said his stitches were so fresh that one of the sacks had caused them to pop. There were other rumblings that the head trauma from the accident had caused a sort of punch drunk effect where Ben was unable to think and react as quickly as before. The question became why was Coach Bill Cowher starting him?

I’m not privy to behind the scenes info so I don’t know exactly what was true and what wasn’t. But I do know Ben didn’t seem right. And not being right cost us at least one probably two games. You know how many games we missed the playoffs by that year? ONE.

That brings us to this year. The press is reporting the MRI on Ben’s injured right shoulder showed no significant change from past weeks. If that’s true, how was he playing before yet couldn’t on Monday night? Are they saying that he’s constantly playing through this excruciating pain, except that one time when it became a little more excruciating? Why would you take a valuable player like Roethlisberger, a player you invested close to $100 million in, and potentially threaten his health and longevity by allowing him to play when he’s seriously hurt?

Not to mention the fact that current coach Mike Tomlin can spin things however he likes but the injury IS affecting Ben’s play. Our offense wasn’t this bad last year under the same set of coaches so you can’t lay the blame entirely on them. I applaud Big Ben’s toughness and desire to help his team but if you’re playing with a crippling injury and it’s affecting your game, you’re actually hindering more than helping.

That’s why I’m hoping Tomlin learns from history and starts Byron Leftwich this Sunday in Indianapolis. The Steeler might get a bye (if they make the playoffs) but otherwise there are no more breaks from here to the end of the season. Ben clearly needs some time off and rest to get his body somewhat back together and this week is just as good as any. You want him ready to go for important games like division match-ups or against Dallas. This week is the perfect week to give him some rest as it’s at home against a rather mediocre Indy team that Leftwich knows very well after playing them twice every year when he was in Jacksonville.

I don’t want to lose games we should easily win because our quarterback is a functioning cripple. I also don’t want him to prove his toughness by playing through a nagging injury that eventually turns into a big huge season ending injury. We need Ben for the stretch run and we need him for the playoffs. But for this week, he needs to ride the bench.

Pop Quiz:   How are the Pittsburgh Steelers like a woman’s period?

Answer:  When it comes time to show up, it’s always better late than never.

Yesterday’s 38-10 dismantling of the Cincinnati Bengals wasn’t as easy as the score might indicate.  If you watched the first quarter, then decided to:

- Watch 45 minutes of “Contact”
- Burn a mix CD for a “friend”
- Go on a Starbucks run
- Watch a quarter of woman’s volleyball on ESPNU
- Play Metal Gear Solid

And came back just in time to see the Human Victory Cigar, QB Byron Leftwich, throw a final TD pass in the 4th quarter, you’d probably think, “Easy win.”

But you’d be wrong.  Very very wrong.   For you see, something happened between the beginning and end of the game.  Somewhere in there the Steelers decided to make things interesting by playing down to the level of their opponents.  And that’s why what should have been a merciless smashing at halftime turned into a meager 10-7 advantage.

I couldn’t believe what was unfolding before my eyes.  The Steelers went up by 10 in the first quarter while limiting the inept Bungles to 20 yards of total offense.  Evidently defensive coordinator Dick Lebeau decided this was an insurmountable lead and put our D into prevent.

Maybe it wasn’t actually prevent but it sure looked like it.   All our DBs started playing 10-15 yards off the wide receivers, allowing QB Ryan Fitzpatrick to complete passes at will.  The LBs weren’t helping matters either as the most fearsome pass rush in the NFL failed to get anywhere near the Bengal signal caller.  On the flip side, QB Ben Roethlisberger and the offense went from moving the ball at will to a complete standstill.  I blame Bruce Arians for no other reason than he’s Bruce Arians.

Luckily, the Steelers woke up and realized they were the Steelers by the start of the fourth and the route was on.  A three TD avalanche in the final frame accompanied by some stifling defense restored the universe to proper order.  The final stats are pretty impressive if you just look at the game on paper.  But to Cincy’s credit, they found a way to (once again) hang around much longer than their meager talent had any right letting them.

RB Mewelde Moore has clearly established himself as an absolute gem of a free agent pick-up.  He rushed for 120 yards and scored 3 TDs in relief of Pothole Willie Parker.  Whatever they’re paying this guy, it’s a steal.  Speaking of stealing money, $7 million dollar benchwarmer OT Max Starks got his first action of the season and did a decent job as the line managed to keep Big Ben from getting sacked for the first time this year.  Of course, this is more a function of Cincy’s terrible defense than awesome pass blocking but we’ll take what we can get.  I did notice RG Darnell Stapleton made several crushing blocks to spring Moore on running plays so the Steelers might have found something there.

When the defense looked good, man did it look good.  Blitzburgh finished with 7 sacks, all by our linebackers.   James Harrison and LaMarr Woodley had 2 apiece and Lawrence Timmons (starting for the first time this year) chipped in 2 more.  I never thought I’d see a better group than the Kevin Greene, Greg Lloyd, Chad Brown, Levon Kirkland foursome back in the early 90’s but these guys might be it.   The only bad play was by our CBs but that seemed to be more a result of being told to give the Cincy WRs too much respect.  Bryant McFadden was getting dissected by Fitzy on their lone TD.  He later left the game with an injury so that might explain how our best CB went down the tubes so quickly.   And S Troy Polamalu, doing his part to keep the NFL from becoming a pansy game, left after getting concussed on a devastating helmet-popping collision in the third quarter.

Didn’t matter, however, as by the end of the game the Steelers went into full mop up mode.  The hapless Cleveland Browns went down in flames again to the Wash Redfaces (who’ll we will be seeing in a couple weeks) so their one week resurgence lasted exactly one week.  Pesky Baltimore defeated the Miami Dolphins Wildcats to hang around in the division but after playing them, does anybody consider them a threat?   The next three games see us play the Giants, Colts, and Skins so I guess we’ll get a chance to see exactly how good we are in the coming weeks.  So far the Steelers have been flying comfortably under the radar but a few big wins and that’ll all change really fast as the NFL media looks for the Next Big Story.

How awesome is that commercial?  I’ve watched it four times in the past hour and still wanna see it again.  Something had to make up for that ridiculous Ben Roethlisberger auditions for ”American Idol” ad which aired last season.   The greatness of Troy Polamalu aside, I’m not prepared to declare it the best Steeler-related commercial ever however.  No, not Mean Joe giving the kid his jersey either.   My favorite will always be, you guessed it, “Nice pick, Cowah!”

Watching Steeler commercials on a continuous loop must mean only one thing:  BYE WEEK.   Yes, this is that one week a year us Pittsburghers dread, the Steelerless Sunday.  I was going to do a run down of the week’s games and offer some of my always insightful analysis but then I realized “who cares about other teams?”  I’m sure football fanatics and degenerate gamblers are salivating over the sexy Miami Dolphins-Houston Texans match-up but I can’t really muster up any interest.  When you’re used to drinking fine champagne, a can of PBR doesn’t entice you (although it works wonders on coeds from Pitt, frat boys must save a bundle on roofies).

Anyway, before I resume my regularly scheduled posting habits next week, I thought I’d just post a few a news items of interest to tide Steeler Nation over until then.

–Gene Collier, who I believe has been a columnist since I was in 3rd grade, wrote about Santonio Holmes’ hometown. Readers of this blog know I covered the story and posted an awesome video on this subject THREE MONTHS AGO.  Way to stay hip and current Post-Gazette.  Seriously, though, watch the video (and comment).  It’s one of the best segments I’ve ever seen.

–Speaking of Santonio, the reason for his sudden disappearance last week was evidently because he got kicked in the junk. Of course, you have to read between the lines in the always family friendly P-G.  Landed on someone’s shoe = kicked.  Lower abdominal region = junk.  If anybody saw the pictures of Holmes taken this summer by his girlfriend groupie ho, you’d know what a major catastrophe this could’ve been.

–Also in junk-related news, did anybody hear about Browns TE Kellen Winslow being sent to the hospital for “undisclosed reasons?” Turns out the undisclosed reasons were swollen testicles. They really better start Brady Quinn because now his boredom is affecting the whole team.

–Mister Woodley is not pleased.  I implored you to vote for a Steeler Sweep in the weekly NFL awards and we did not get the job done.   Big Ben won Offensive Player of the Week and Mike Tomlin won Coach of the Week but LaMarr Woodley came up short in his bid for the Defensive Award. He will no doubt take his anger out on the Cincinnati Bungles next weekend.  By the way, check out the list of past Defensive winners.  Mister Woodley and Troy won back-to-back weeks one and two and then J-Peezy (Joey Porter) took it in week three.  Blitzburgh defense is truly a wonderful thing.

–James Harrison was fined $20,000 for suggesting the officials should be fined for their atrocious performance in the Jacksonville game.  Hines Ward was also slapped with a $5,000 fine for unnecessary roughness in the Baltimore game.  The rub?  He was never flagged for unnecessary roughness.  So evidently Roger “See No Evil” Goodell can see evil and can even see evil on videotape but it has to be three weeks after it occurred and when the officials who are standing two feet from the plays saw nothing at all.

Have a good weekend, or at least as good as it can be without a glorious Steeler victory, and I’ll be back next week with my regularly scheduled smack talk.