I sure hope the camera is on me. I really nailed it with the eye-black today. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-US PRESSWIRE

What We Learned This Week in the NFL Off Season:

• Chad Ochocinco has “Daddy” issues
• NFL safety debate reaches an unbearable level

If you listen to as much sports talk radio as I do you’re probably just as sick as I am about the whole “The NFL is dying” talk as it relates to concussions, player safety, and former players’ health.  Like clockwork, Chad “I want some attention for not doing anything” Ochocinco decided to add his 1 ½ cents into the conversation in the form of an open letter to NFL Commish and all around douchey guy, Roger Goodell, whom he refers to as “Dad” all through the letter.  Meanwhile, Ocho’s former teammate and buddy, Terrell Owens was on Dr. Phil’s couch being confronted by a gaggle of baby mama’s wondering where their child support is.  Elsewhere in the NFL the Vikings finally got their new stadium approved to be built in Minnesota and not Los Angeles.  David DeCastro and Sean Spence are the final Steelers draft picks that have yet to sign their rookie contracts and once signed, they will have their entire rookie class signed the earliest in team history in about 30 years. (more…)

I don’t usually write about other teams because, frankly, I don’t care about any teams other than the Pittsburgh Steelers. However, a situation has occurred which I think pertains to the Steelers, Ben Roethlisberger, and Roger Goodell’s absolutely ridiculous suspension policy.

Deadspin is sort of the National Enquirer of sports websites.   They delight in catching athletes in compromising positions and love spreading the latest gossip.   But their unique position often allows them to break stories which the major networks, who are at the mercy of the sports leagues and their players, do their best to ignore.

A few months back, Deadspin broke a story involving Brett Favre propositioning former Playboy model Jenn Sterger.   Sterger, who some of you may know as one of the hosts of Versus daily sports show The Daily Line, was hired by the New York Jets as the team’s “Gameday Host.”   She was basically the team’s own personal Erin Andrews, someone hired to stand on the sidelines and give useless nuggets of information while looking hot.  Sterger’s hiring coincided with Favre’s being traded to the Jets from Green Bay.

Yesterday afternoon, Deadspin supposedly posted proof of Favre’s vile behavior.   They have emails Favre sent to Sterger, desperate (rather pathetic) voice mails he left her, and (allegedly) pictures of his penis sent in an effort to entice her.   They compiled all these things in a video you can watch by clicking here. Warning:  For those of you who do not wish to see the Gunslinger’s love gun, the uncensored pictures appear toward the end of the video.

I think it’s safe to say the Gunslinger is not slinging a Magnum.

Jenn Sterger Has Good Taste In Towels

To Sterger’s credit, she refused Brittfar’s crass advances.   Displaying the kind of morals that the skank down in Milledgeville did not have, she also didn’t whine to her bosses or file a lawsuit.  Even though if these emails, messages, and photos are authentic she would have had CONCRETE PROOF, she still chose to keep this information to herself.   Only prodding and investigative reporting by Deadspin brought this issue to light.

I bet Deanna Favre is real happy right now.

What does this have to do with the Steelers, you may ask?   Big Ben was suspended for “violating the league’s personal conduct policy.”   What was his violation?   Being arrested for sexual assault?  He wasn’t arrested.  Being charged with sexual assault?   He was never charged.

Ben was suspended because he went to a college bar, bought some sorority girls drinks, and then propositioned one for sex.  Period.   There is absolutely not one shred of credible proof he did anything other than that.  And he was suspended for doing what I believe about 500,000 horny men do every Friday night at bars all across this country.

What did Brett Favre allegedly do?  Sterger was an employee of the Jets.  Brett was also an employee.   But in practical terms, Brett was her direct superior.  Without Brett’s cooperation, how was she supposed to report on the team?  How long would a “Gameday Host” last if the team’s star quarterback refused to talk to her?

If you’re somebody’s boss and you ask them to sleep with you, that’s sexual harassment.  If you or I had an underling and we sent them suggestive emails or desperate phone messages, we’d be fired.  If we sent them pictures of our dicks, we’d be slapped with a lawsuit.

There isn’t one single bit of proof Ben did anything different than other normal guys do on their night off.   His fame and celebrity caused a hysterical sorority girl to trump up a bunch of phony baloney to justify her loose morals.  And because of this girl, Ben was suspended for four games by the Ginger Dictator.

Is there concrete proof that Brett Favre sexually harassed a member of the media in the most disgusting way possible?   No but there is a helluva lot more evidence against Brett than anybody had against Ben.  If this is not a violation of the NFL’s personal conduct policy, I ask what is?   Unless Roger Goodell feels it’s perfectly okay for a highly important player to solicit sexual favors from a woman covering his team, Brett Favre MUST be suspended.

After all, fair is fair.

I’ve watched this video twenty times and you know what? It never gets old!

Don’t get me wrong. When it happened, I was not happy. On the contrary, I was concerned because the Pittsburgh Steelers were only up by a field goal. It definitely appeared that the undefeated Minnesota Vikings were closing in on the tie if not the go-ahead touchdown. Then the Steelers defense rose to the occasion, picking off Brett Favre and leading the Black and Gold to glorious victory.

So now I can gloat.

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know I’m not a fan of Will.i.am Gay. For one thing, he acted like a complete moron at the Super Bowl Victory Parade. But what really grills my cheese is the way he poses and celebrates after making the most ordinary of plays. I’m not some old geezer. I don’t mind guys celebrating, say after catching the winning TD pass in the Super Bowl. However, Gay seems to think tackling somebody for a two yard loss is worthy of a choreographed dance straight out of an episode of Glee.

Thanks to Brett and his Fighting Wranglers, I have a new reason to dislike Gay. He sucks at football. If you saw the game, you probably noticed they targeted him all day. He blew one play where he was supposed to blitz but stopped long enough for the ball to go lofting over his peabrained head. On a crucial third and long, Gay totally whiffed on trying to tackle Percy Harvin. He misses a lot of tackles because he doesn’t wrap people up so much as dive desperately at their feet hoping an ankle falls into his mitts.

I didn’t worry much when Bryant McFadden left to join the Arizona Cardinals Pittsburgh West. After all, B-Mac only started one year and was routinely beaten out by ninety-five year old Deshea Townshend. Hindsight being 20/20, I realize we’re going to miss him. Gay has blazing speed but is a lousy tackler with mediocre coverage skills. Maybe Mike Tomlin, who started out as a secondary coach, can coach him up but I’m not holding my breath. We’ll have to make due until next year when either rookie Joe Burnett is ready to start or we take a better corner in the draft.

In the meantime, I’ll relish the irony of the above play. Gay has spent this season trying to draw attention to himself and his meager accomplishments. Well, he’s got attention now. From this point forward, whenever a “Best Plays of 2009″ highlight package airs, I’m sure you’ll see the clip of young Will.i.am getting JACKED UP by Purple Jesus. Be careful what you wish for…

The Pittsburgh Steelers handed the Minnesota Vikings their first defeat of the season with an incredible 27-17 victory. That sentence may seem self-explanatory but it doesn’t even begin to cover what happened. In all my years of watching football, I don’t remember a crazier fifteen minutes of football than what occurred in the fourth quarter. Even for a team which seems to make a habit of the thrilling last second comeback, this one will be remembered by Steeler Nation for a long long time.

Things went well for the Steelers in the early going. Adrian Peterson was held to negative yardage in the first quarter, a first for him. He finished the game with only 69 yards (although he did have another 60 on catches), which is an accomplishment for any defense, let alone one playing without their best run-stopper. They ran right at Travis Kirschke on several occasions and he held his ground, while our linebackers attacked him like a Kit Kat bar at a Jenny Craig meeting.

The first quarter was a punt-fest which the Steelers got the better of thanks to a Mitch Berger impression by the Vikings’ punter. Mike Wallace had a 10 yard catch and then a 13 yard reverse to set the Steelers up at the Vikings thirteen yard line. Ben Roethlisberger, who was a fairly mediocre 14/26 for 175 yards, hit Santonio Holmes for a TD.

Unfortunately, the score was negated by a pass interference penalty against Heath Miller. Evidently, you can interfere with a pass that you not only didn’t catch but was thrown to another receiver 15 yards away. I understand you’re not allowed to run into DBs to prevent them from covering their man. However, it looked to me like the two, yes TWO, DBs Heath ran over bumped into each other first. And there’s still the little fact they were FIFTEEN YARDS AWAY FROM THE PLAY!

The Steelers settled for a FG. After more punts, the Vikings began a methodical drive down the field featuring a 28 yard pass to Percy Harvin and capped by a Peterson blast.  With 1:39 left in the half, the Vikes went to some soft zone type defense and Big Ben methodically picked them apart. A 22 yard pass to super-rookie Wallace (Who deserves a cool nickname. Suggestions please.) was followed up with a 40 yard bomb for a TD. Black and Gold up 10-7 at halftime.

The third quarter saw an exchange of FGs.   The Steelers wasted a great opportunity to score a knockout blow with a first and goal from the Minny 8. Three consecutive pass plays resulted in a near INT, a busted play, and an incompletion. This team leaves the barn door open more often than Matt Spaeth after an all-night bender.

Then came the unbelievable fourth quarter. The Steelers drove downfield, mixing pass and run quite effectively. First down at the Minnesota 9 and it appeared they were finally going to club that baby seal.  A hand-off to Rashard Mendenhall and…and…

…and what the f*#k happened?? I saw what happened but can’t quite believe it. In over two decades of watching football, I’ve never seen a dumber play. Mendenhall launched himself skyward, unfortunately failing to take the ball with him. The Vikes pounced on his horrendous fumble while I literally screamed at my television. Rashard, you see, attempted what looked like perfect goal line dive.  Problem was, he jumped from the SEVEN YARD LINE!! Does he think he’s Michael Jordan!? Who attempts an endzone dive from SEVEN FREAKIN’ YARDS AWAY?!?

Predictably, Brett Favre took this gift and marched the Vikes right down the field. Our secondary fell apart as Troy Polamalu was way out of position several times and they picked on Will.i.am Gay mercilessly all game long. To make matters worse, Kirschke and Lawrence Timmons both left the game with injuries during the drive.  In Timmons’ case, that would come back to haunt the Vikings later, much like the movie Paranormal Activity haunts my dreams on a nightly basis.  A tripping call on Minnesota nullified a TD pass to Sidney Rice, momentarily saving the Steelers from yet another 4th quarter choke.

Still, with a third and 8 from the Steelers 8, it looked like the Vikes would get the tying FG. Then Brett Keisel darted up the middle and swatted the ball out of Favre’s mitts. Mister Woodley rescued the pigskin from the evil clutches of Captain Wrangler and a whole convoy of Steelers escorted him 77 yards the other way for a TD.

To say everybody was excited is like saying Megan Fox kinda looks like a stripper.  Even Dick LeBeau was celebrating!  Steeler nation was excited.  Heinz Field was rocking. I was doing my patented Snoopy Dance of Joy.

Then we kicked off.

Percy Harvin took the ball and without the slightest hesitation streaked the other way for an 88 yard TD. He was barely touched. And I never EVER want to hear how kickers are football players again because Skippy Reed‘s attempt to “tackle” him was laughable. After apologizing to Steeler Nation this week, you’d think he’d at least try to make up by throwing his body at Harvin. Instead he just gave him a dainty little push like he was afraid to break a nail.  Way to go, dipshit.

The Steelers got the ball back and at this point I was just hoping we could somehow run out the clock.  Naturally, Bruce Arians answers my prayers by dialing up a SHOTGUN PASS.  This ends in epic failure as Ben gets the ball stripped and the Steelers are lucky to swat it out of bounds.  Which left Brett Favre with the ball, down 3, with three minutes left. In other words, exactly where we didn’t want to be.

And Favre immediately makes our nightmares come true by leading his team down the field.  The key play here was Purple Jesus SMITING William Gay on a short dump pass before rumbling 30 yards. Minnesota had the ball at the Steelers 19 and at this point I was just hoping for OT. Then Favre floated a screen pass to Chester Taylor who got his fingertips on it enough to deflect it into the waiting hands of Keyaron Fox. Fox was escorted 82 yards for the second thrilling defensive TD in the quarter.

I don’t know what else to say about this one.  We played a legitimate Super Bowl contender and held them to one offensive TD.  We also squandered several chances to put the game away on offense, continuing the disturbing trend of not finishing teams when they have the chance.  On the other hand, our defense playing without three starters had four sacks, a ton of pressures, held the league’s best RB pretty much in check, and scored two TDs.  Sure our secondary isn’t nearly as good as it was last year but this was the first time I felt our defense matched 2008′s level.  And we all know how last year ended.  If the Steelers could figure out how to stop sabotaging their efforts with dumb mistakes on offense and special teams, this team would really be dangerous.

This Sunday, the Pittsburgh Steelers face their first true test of the season.  We’ve played a few good teams but in the Minnesota Vikings we will be facing our first legitimate Super Bowl contender.  If you wanted a measuring stick as to where this team stands, here is your stick.  By Sunday afternoon, we’ll have have some answers concerning what to expect from the Black and Gold in 2009.

With RB Adrian Peterson rumbling behind one of the best offensive lines in the league, Minnesota has ranked in the top five in rushing the past two seasons.  Their problem has been at quarterback.  You can only hide your QB for so long before top-notch NFL defenses figure out ways to force him to win the game.  Tarvaris Jackson could not win games.   So, this off-season, the Vikes flirted with Brett Favre, wining him, dining him, slipping him roofies until he ended his second third fourth retirement.  Favre can win games, in fact he’s already pulled a couple out this season.  They picked up a little bonus when they drafted hybrid RB/WR Percy Harvin at #22 overall.  He’s been a help to the offense and great returning kicks, where the Steelers had issues last week.  When he’s on his game, he dramatically improves an otherwise middling set of receivers.

The question for the Steelers defense will obviously be stopping Peterson.  Aaron Smith was by far our best run stopper and he’s gone for the year.  If Dick LeBeau can’t figure out some way to put the breaks on Purple Jesus, the game is going to go downhill real fast.  Hopefully, the law firm of Kirschke, Eason & Hood will be up to the task.  In other news, Troy Polamalu has not practiced regularly this week.  Usually not practicing indicates not playing but I can’t imagine Troy missing the biggest game of the year.

On defense, Minnesota’s group has been the stingiest in the league against the run for three straight seasons.  Yes, even stingier than the Steelers.  DTs Kevin and Pat Williams are twin brothers of different mothers.  These two behemoths simply negate any action in the middle while DE Jared Allen causes havoc all over the field.  All three made the Pro Bowl last year.   One Pro Bowler who won’t play Sunday is CB Antoine Winfield.  His injury last week seemed to coincide with the Ravens making a furious comeback so I’m guessing losing him has the same effect on their secondary as losing Troy had on ours.

Which means prepare for Bruce Arians’ Flying Circus to be in high gear this Sunday.  Rashard Mendenhall, who has been officially declared our first string running back, will get enough carries to keep the Vikes honest.  But I have to believe our fortunes in this game will rise and fall on the arm of Ben Roethlisberger.  Look for the NFL’s leading receiver, Hines Ward (yes, a Steeler WR leads the league in yardage) and company to see a lot of pigskin headed their way.

When two evenly matched teams play, little things such as special teams often make the difference.  Baltimore battled all the way back last week only to lose when their inept kicker shanked a game-winning FG attempt.  Despite his ill-fated tussle with the po-lice this past weekend, Jeff Reed will be suiting up for the Steelers.  Skippy and his partner in urinary misadventures TE Matt Spaeth apologized to Steeler Nation for their actions.  If he truly wants to redeem himself, he should do it on the field.  Kicking well that is, not taking a piss.

The Steelers have played to the level of their competition this season.  This week would be a good time to continue that trend since their opponent is actually good for once.  Playing to that level would be a compliment rather than a criticism.   And if the Steelers hope to hand the Vikings their first loss of the season, anything less will not be good enough.