It somehow escaped my attention that in the aftermath of the Steelers record sixth Super Bowl title, MVP Santonio Holmes was slapped with a fine for winning the game.

Well, not exactly.  The ever-watchful Gestapo back at NFL headquarters issued a fine to Holmes for his Lebron James style post-touchdown celebration.  I guess in the game according to Herr Goodell, a player who just caught the winning TD in the biggest game of his life is expected to jump to his feet and excitedly hand the ball to the referee.  Nice job, Roger.  The fabric of society would surely crumble if a player were allowed to show even the slightest bit of emotion after making a spectacular catch to clinch a championship for his team.

Goodell must have some secret deal with President Obama where he helps fund the bailout of millions of deadbeats who bought houses they can’t afford through fines levied against Steeler players.  I haven’t been keeping track but the Black and Gold have been docked approximately half a trillion dollars this year.   James Harrison lost a good $50,000 on a sack where he evidently failed to fluff a nice pillow for the QB before gently setting him down.   Hines Ward was fined $20,000 two consecutive weeks for blocking DBs playing football.  Neither of these plays drew a flag by the way.  Ironically, Hines wasn’t fined for breaking Bengals LB Keith Rivers jaw so I guess a hit is only illegal if it doesn’t cripple the other guy.

In other news, the gloves Holmes wore when he made that catch ended up selling for $70,000. Which means Santonio has contributed about eighty grand to charity this week…

Speaking of charity, I appeal to the kindness of you my fine readers.   Nice Pick Cowher has successfully won their first round match up in the Great Pittsburgh Sports Blog Tournament but now we face a major threat in the sweet 16.  We’re matched up against one of the most popular Pittsburgh Penguins blogs which is fine, I don’t mind the Pens, they aren’t a total embarassment to the city like the Pirates.   But do they deserve to advance?  The team isn’t even going to make the playoffs this year.  Meanwhile, the Steelers (and by extension, ME) have brought you fine ‘Burgers a Lombardi Trophy.  Shouldn’t we reward the teams that WIN?  Please take 30 seconds to click this link and vote for NPC in our second round bracket. If you do, I promise to never again make a Three Legged Man joke about Santonio…

I asked for babes in bikini tops. Instead we get crazies in Lucha masks. I love Steeler Nation.

And Steeler Nation loves their Pittsburgh Steelers, who convincingly defeated the San Diego Chargers 35-24 in yesterday’s Divisional Playoff. The game wasn’t nearly as close as the final score indicates as the Steelers were in cruise control for almost an entire quarter. In fact, San Diego didn’t show much beyond their opening possession, a brilliant one-handed catch by WR Vincent Jackson who had CB Ike Taylor sticking to him tighter than a wet t-shirt on Scarlett Johansson.

Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians was possessed by the spirit of Ron Earhardt as the Steelers’ game plan completely reverted back to classic Steeler Football instead of the pass happy pseudo-West Coast attack that had been sputtering all season. They ran the ball, you may want to sit down for this, a whopping 46 times. Fast Willie Parker looked like the FWP of old while rushing for 146 yards and 2 touchdowns. They even went back to the I Formation, which Fast Willie whined about several weeks back drawing criticism from head coach Mike Tomlin. Looks like FWP was right.

QB Ben Roethlisberger showed no ill effects from having his brains scrambled in the season finale against Cleveland. He was sharp and accurate with his passes, throwing for only 181 yards but making the plays when they needed to be made. His performance in the third quarter when he made several big third-and-long conversions was a perfect example of his steady leadership. Everybody contributed on the receiving end with Heath Miller scoring the back-breaking touchdown, Tiffin Thunder Nate Washington drawing a big pass interference penalty, and Hines Ward (who really needs to be recognized as a Big Game Player) hauling in 4 for 70, all of which were key catches to keep drives alive.

And then there’s Santonio Holmes. The Steelers return game is below average at best but Holmes picked his spot well. His punt return TD was Pittsburgh’s first score of the game and it appeared to be a very deflating blow to a San Diego team which had been quietly confident up until that point. It was only his second return TD of his career but it was the match which ignited the blast furnace.

Let’s also give some props to the much maligned offensive line. Ben wasn’t so much as coughed on yesterday. The Chargers had 1 sack but that came on a blitz where RB Mewelde Moore failed to pick up the extra pass rusher. The five big boys up front provided a perfect pocket, plenty of time to throw the ball, and gaping holes for the run game.

The third quarter of yesterday’s game was one of the most amazing things you’ll ever see as a football fan. The Chargers ran one play. That’s it. Fifteen minutes, one play. The Steelers, utilizing a ball control grind-it-out offense that we’ve been clamoring for, pounded out an 8 minute drive resulting in a TD. The Chargers got a great return out of midget Darren Sproles and looked like they got some momentum back starting at the Steelers 35. The one and only play was a ball batted skyward by Brett Keisel (who is emerging as a very good player) and picked off by both James Harrison and Larry Foote. The Steelers then ground out another drive which took them to the 4th quarter.

Speaking of the defense, what can I say? Simply the most devastating unit in the NFL. They took media darling Sproles and held the shrimp to a measly 15 yards rushing. FIFTEEN YARDS! He had 300+ last week! They sacked Philip Rivers four times, two of which were courtesy of Mister LaMarr Woodley. Silverback only had one but that was likely because they were mugging him on every play. The Chargers had 280 yards of total offense but close to 100 of that was amassed after the Steelers went up 28-10 and started playing a semi-prevent defense.

On a weekend when every home team coming off a bye lost, the Steelers took care of business on their home turf. Not only did they win, they won emphatically, showing improvement in areas they struggled with during the regular season while continuing to play well in the areas which they have always excelled. Get your bikini tops and Lucha masks ready because the AFC Championship game is coming to Pittsburgh next Sunday. The Steelers look ready, are you?

How awesome is that commercial?  I’ve watched it four times in the past hour and still wanna see it again.  Something had to make up for that ridiculous Ben Roethlisberger auditions for ”American Idol” ad which aired last season.   The greatness of Troy Polamalu aside, I’m not prepared to declare it the best Steeler-related commercial ever however.  No, not Mean Joe giving the kid his jersey either.   My favorite will always be, you guessed it, “Nice pick, Cowah!”

Watching Steeler commercials on a continuous loop must mean only one thing:  BYE WEEK.   Yes, this is that one week a year us Pittsburghers dread, the Steelerless Sunday.  I was going to do a run down of the week’s games and offer some of my always insightful analysis but then I realized “who cares about other teams?”  I’m sure football fanatics and degenerate gamblers are salivating over the sexy Miami Dolphins-Houston Texans match-up but I can’t really muster up any interest.  When you’re used to drinking fine champagne, a can of PBR doesn’t entice you (although it works wonders on coeds from Pitt, frat boys must save a bundle on roofies).

Anyway, before I resume my regularly scheduled posting habits next week, I thought I’d just post a few a news items of interest to tide Steeler Nation over until then.

–Gene Collier, who I believe has been a columnist since I was in 3rd grade, wrote about Santonio Holmes’ hometown. Readers of this blog know I covered the story and posted an awesome video on this subject THREE MONTHS AGO.  Way to stay hip and current Post-Gazette.  Seriously, though, watch the video (and comment).  It’s one of the best segments I’ve ever seen.

–Speaking of Santonio, the reason for his sudden disappearance last week was evidently because he got kicked in the junk. Of course, you have to read between the lines in the always family friendly P-G.  Landed on someone’s shoe = kicked.  Lower abdominal region = junk.  If anybody saw the pictures of Holmes taken this summer by his girlfriend groupie ho, you’d know what a major catastrophe this could’ve been.

–Also in junk-related news, did anybody hear about Browns TE Kellen Winslow being sent to the hospital for “undisclosed reasons?” Turns out the undisclosed reasons were swollen testicles. They really better start Brady Quinn because now his boredom is affecting the whole team.

–Mister Woodley is not pleased.  I implored you to vote for a Steeler Sweep in the weekly NFL awards and we did not get the job done.   Big Ben won Offensive Player of the Week and Mike Tomlin won Coach of the Week but LaMarr Woodley came up short in his bid for the Defensive Award. He will no doubt take his anger out on the Cincinnati Bungles next weekend.  By the way, check out the list of past Defensive winners.  Mister Woodley and Troy won back-to-back weeks one and two and then J-Peezy (Joey Porter) took it in week three.  Blitzburgh defense is truly a wonderful thing.

–James Harrison was fined $20,000 for suggesting the officials should be fined for their atrocious performance in the Jacksonville game.  Hines Ward was also slapped with a $5,000 fine for unnecessary roughness in the Baltimore game.  The rub?  He was never flagged for unnecessary roughness.  So evidently Roger “See No Evil” Goodell can see evil and can even see evil on videotape but it has to be three weeks after it occurred and when the officials who are standing two feet from the plays saw nothing at all.

Have a good weekend, or at least as good as it can be without a glorious Steeler victory, and I’ll be back next week with my regularly scheduled smack talk.