The Pittsburgh Steelers travel out to the Show Me State this weekend to take a gander at the new look Kansas City Chiefs.  Unfortunately for long-suffering Chiefs fans, what they’ll see is more of the same losing football they’ve seen for more than a decade.  KC is a text book example of how not to run a franchise.  Unless you’re trying to run it into the ground.  The Chiefs have won exactly four of their past thirty four games and that trend doesn’t look like it’s about to reverse itself anytime soon.

Let’s start as we always do with the offensive side of the ball.  Their best weapon was TE Tony Gonzalez.  He was traded during the offseason because he wanted to play for a winner.  Then there is Larry Johnson.  Johnson put up incredible numbers for the Chiefs (on an incredible amount of carries) in two consecutive seasons.  He also displayed an O.J. Simpson-esque touch with the ladies as he was arrested on four separate occasions, all of them involving violence against women.  KC rewarded this misogynist with a 6 year $45 million contract.  Only after insulting his head coach on Twitter was he finally released a couple weeks back, eventually finding a new home with every criminal’s favorite hideout, the Bengals.

Although those players are gone, there are still plenty of mistakes on the team.  Following a season when he played exactly one month of decent football, the Chiefs traded for Patriots backup Matt Cassel.  Before taking a single snap, they rewarded Cassel with a 6 year $63 million deal.  Geniuses.  Of course, the only remotely decent WR he has to throw to is Dwayne Bowe. But Bowe will not play this Sunday because he’s sitting out a four game suspension for steroid use.  Todd Haley coached a high-powered Cardinals offense all the way to the Super Bowl last season but he’d have to be Miracle Max to improve on the 18 points per game average the team had last year.

For the Steelers, it appears to be all systems go on the offensive side of the ball.  Bruce Arians allegedly plans to rein in his Flying Circus in favor of a more balanced attack. I’ll believe that when I see it.  Still, a heavy dose of Rashard Mendenhall would be exactly what this team needs to get back on a winning track.  Especially since KC is ranked down near the bottom of the league in rush defense.

Which brings us to yet more bad news for the Chiefs.  Only 0-16 Detroit gave up more yardage last year as KC set a new record for futility by recording a total of only 10 sacks.  This year they’ve switched over to a 3-4 and used their first two draft picks on stud defensive prospects, Tyson Jackson and Alex Magee. They also took on more Patriots garbage by taking ancient LB (and former Steeler) Mike Vrabel in the Cassel trade and signing the equally ancient Zach Thomas away from the Cowboys. With no pass rush, the secondary got picked on last year and yet it’s probably the strength of this unit.

For the Steelers, there are injuries aplenty to worry about.  Troy Polamalu remains “questionable” but is definitely not playing Sunday.  Look, if we can’t beat the Chiefs without Troy, just forfeit the rest of the season because we’re done.  In other injury news, Travis Kirschke‘s sprained calf is now torn because Mike Tomlin is a filthy liar.  He did try some individual drills this week but evidently he’s still a few weeks away.  Shockingly, I’m okay with his absence because his backup (or the backup to the backup if you’re keeping score), Nick Eason, has done a fairly solid job.  Last year, the Steelers D sacked Cassel seven times as they dazed and confused him all afternoon. While he’s now a year more experienced, I still expect James Harrison and company to be after him like a school of sharks tasting blood in the water.

Although they say “Any Given Sunday” for a very legitimate reason, this weekend should be little more than a tune-up.  I expect a professional, tidy effort from the Steelers in taking care of business like good teams do when they play the dregs of the NFL.  Get in, get your win, and get out without anybody getting hurt.  Next week we have the first of two games against the Ratbirds which may very well decide our season.  No time like the present to start playing winning football.

Last week, the Pittsburgh Steelers faced off against a downtrodden franchise struggling to climb out of the abyss.  This week, the Steelers face another downtrodden franchise, albeit one that seems to be moving in the opposite direction towards rock bottom.  The stunning ineptitude of the Cleveland Browns has transformed what used to be one of the greatest rivalries in NFL history into the football version of whack-a-mole.

The Browns featured the second-most anemic offensive attack in the league last year.  So what did they do?   They traded Joey Porter‘s BFF Kellen Winslow to Tampa, lost Donte Stallworth to a season-long suspension for killing somebody in a DUI accident, and just recently swapped star WR Braylon Edwards to the Jets for a shoddy bomb casing filled with used pinball machine parts.  That was the second time the Jets took advantage of ex-coach Eric Mangini‘s new team.  They were also the ones who swapped first round picks with Cleveland, allowing them to move up and take rookie sensation QB Mark Sanchez.

QB is one spot the Browns could sorely use right now.  They started the season with the league’s most fabulous quarterback, Brady Quinn.  Quinn was terribly ineffective as, surprisingly, any man-on-man contact seems to make him play like a scared little girl.  Last week, they turned to Derek Anderson, who led the team to a 10-6 record and made an appearance in the Pro Bowl back in 2007.  Anderson responded by leading the team to their first victory of the season despite passing for…   No.  Words cannot justify how pathetic he was last week.  Take a look at his stats for yourself and keep in mind he played a 60 minute game and WON!

The Steelers offense will likely be the same maddening mix of too many passes and not enough runs with a sprinkling of Ben Roethlisberger heroics.  Speaking of the running game, Rashard Mendenhall was ill part of this week while Willie Parker returned to practice.  FWP has a special shoe designed to protect his Turf Toe so he is likely to play on Sunday.  Man, I can’t even get my Chuck Taylor’s in black unless I custom order them.

The defense they will be working against ranked in the bottom quarter of the league each season under former coach Romeo Crennel.  Mangini decided to copy the Steelers switch to a 3-4.  His boneheaded trades brought over a handful of former Jets, including DE Kenyon Coleman and LBs Eric Barton and David Bowens, to upgrade the defensive side of the ball.  They are currently near the bottom in points given up per game and dead last in rushing yards allowed so whomever carries the ball for us is in line for a good day.  At least until Bruce Arians decides to throw 40 yard bombs on every play.

The Steelers D will be welcoming back Troy Polamalu.  Polamalu, who’ll play with a brace on his injured knee, seems confident the injury won’t have any noticeable affect on either his play or shiny full-bodied hair.  The sad state of Cleveland QB play won’t be much of a test.  What will be tested is our suddenly questionable run defense.  With Aaron Smith gone for the year, our best run-stopper is no longer available.  Jamal Lewis piled up 117 yards last week and despite getting up there in years, shows little sign of slowing down.  This will be an interesting warm-up for the law firm of Kirschke, Eason, & Hood before the main event next week in Minnesota.

Last year, the Steelers narrowly defeated a terrible Browns team 10-6 very early in the season.  They did obliterate them in the rematch but as last week in Detroit has shown, “any given Sunday.”   And while I don’t think this Sunday will be given to Cleveland, I do hope to see a good effort from the Steelers.  The schedule only gets tougher from here so if this team has championship potential in them, now is the time to start showing it.

Whoops.

Looks like Anthony “Booger” McFarland isn’t about to use the Terrible Towel as his personal Snot Rag of Doom any time soon. According to the Beaver County Times, the reason my witty headline went for naught is he failed his post workout physical. Shocking, I know, considering the reason he was released in the first place was he failed a physical. Guess that Wolverine-like healing factor the Steelers thought he possessed didn’t kick in yet.

I apologize for jumping the gun in bringing you the exciting news that we signed Booger. Serves me right for reading a Post-Gazette headline entitled “Steelers sign McFarland” and then seeing ESPN‘s news ticker confirm the news and believing them both. I should obviously know better than believe our city’s largest newspaper and the undisputed leader in sports. In the future, I promise to bring you all Steeler news three or four days late, thus ensuring the information is indeed accurate.

Speaking of exciting and accurate information, one signing I can confirm is the Steelers have re-signed defensive end Nick Eason. This is no doubt a case of having to settle for your second choice because your first one didn’t pan out. Kinda like in high school when you end up going to prom with that dorky girl you used to fling paste at in Kindergarten because the cute blonde cheerleader you really wanted to go with didn’t pass her physical. I suspect the clap.

Eason will be returning for his second season in Pittsburgh after coming over from the Brownies. That right there should tell you he’s a shitty player because the last good thing to come outta Cleveland is Drew Carey. Seriously, though, I admire the Steelers desire to keep their own players instead of acquiring other teams’ scraps but that’s only admirable if the guy, you know, CAN ACTUALLY PLAY. All available evidence suggests Eason cannot.

Which is a bit of a problem considering you’d want a back-up who could actually step in for, one might say back up, the starter. When Aaron Smith went down last year, Eason was given the start. And, as I’ve recounted serveral times, the rush defense blew. He was immediately replaced by Travis Kirschke. And the rush defense still blew, but it blew slightly less.

After the season ended and the tears from the Jacksonville loss had dried, head coach Mike Tomlin said the Steelers needed to get younger and better in the trenches. I don’t always understand Tomlin’s coachspeak but I guess by “younger,” he meant re-signing the 34-year-old Kirschke and by “better” he meant re-signing the guy who had to be replaced for poor play. Perhaps Tomlin knows something we don’t. Maybe he’s hoping that Ryan “Steely” Mcbean will, in his second year, gain the bulk, strength, athletic ability, and knowledge of the defense which will allow him to contribute to the team in a useful way. At this point, I’d give anybody a shot to break up the law firm of Kirschke & Eason.

Player Personnel Director Kevin Colbert would like to address the defensive line with a 2nd or 3rd round pick but we also need offensive linemen and there’s the big tall drink of water Ben Roethlisberger wants at reciever so, as I always tell my father, you can’t please all your mistresses. Once you’re past the third round or so, you probably won’t find any better quality than you already have. In which case, I hope they keep Booger’s number on the speed dial because, hey, maybe that healing factor will kick in eventually.