Steeler Poodle is clearly a card-carrying member of Steeler Nation. In the spirit of opening this forum to different voices, I invited him to share some thoughts on NFL related happenings.

Michael Vick made his return to the NFL on Thursday night.

What did you think I was gonna write about? Keyaron Fox?

What really burns my balls (or would burn them, if my owner didn’t HAVE ME NEUTERED!) is some people actually think the Pittsburgh Steelers had an interest in Michael Vick.  We all know humans are a gullible bunch who’ll do whatever you want if you give ‘em the ‘ol sad eyes but c’mon!  I’ve left more believable rumors in Mrs. Baumgartner’s yard.

When have the Steelers ever shown an interest in repeat offenders?  Our players aren’t perfect and they have had some some run-ins with the law but the incidents are usually minor and almost always isolated.  The Steelers never gamble on character issues via the draft or free agency and current players who can’t keep their noses clean are quickly shown the door.  Tim Worley?  Bam Morris? Eric Green? Plaxico Burress?  Cedric Wilson?

Don’t even bring up the Ben Roethlisberger rape case.  THAT BITCH IS CRAZY!

The entire basis of the Vick-to-Steelers rumor was that we never denied interest.  So what? And if dogs ate roses, would their butts smell like Valentine’s Day?

Look, Tony Dungy made it his personal mission to “save” Vick. Mike Tomlin thinks of Dungy as his mentor.  As a favor to him, Tomlin kept his feelings quiet so Dungy could tell other GMs that the Steelers gave him the okay. If the Super Bowl champs and undisputed classiest organization in the NFL were considering Vick, who wouldn’t?

Which brings me to the team he took the field with yesterday, the Philadelphia Eagles. Some people were shocked when he signed there. I wasn’t. If any city has sports fans who eagerly embrace thugs and criminals, it’s the City of Brotherly Love.  Half the people in the stands probably have a rap sheet.  Philly is the fire hydrant of the United States the rest of us have a duty to pee on.

I did howl at the spin reporters put on the signing. “It’s a perfect fit because they have great fans, great ownership, and a strong coach.” What team were they talking about? Great fans? The same drooling apes who boo Donovan McNabb every time he incompletes a pass? He only took the team to 5 NFC Championship games and a Super Bowl. How much slack is K-9 Hitler gonna get?

And strong head coach? Andy Reid?  If Vick needs a strong father figure, what’s Andy Reid gonna teach him? How to run a drug emporium out of your own home?  I suppose Reid is the ideal coach for someone just released from the kennel, er, slammer seeing as both his sons are jailbirds themselves.  But if that bulldog-faced fool couldn’t keep his own kids off smack, how’s he gonna keep Ron Mexico on the straight and narrow?

Now, I’m sure some of you are saying, “He did his time.  Leave him alone.“  Sorry but when a guy hooks jumper cables up to your friends and revs up the battery, you tend to be a tad less than forgiving.

I realize Vick has reached out to PETA and as long as he doesn’t pose nude like Pamela Anderson once did, I applaud the effort as token as it may be.  Of course, it’s easy to appear contrite when some idiotic team is ready to hand you over $1.6 million.  Like the stand-up comedian telling Ted Kennedy jokes might ask, “Too soon?”

Sure, Michael Vick has the right to earn a living.  And I have a right to hope and pray some canine loving defensive linemen goes all “Inglourious Basterds” on his ass.

Tuesday was a busy day for Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. He took on the NBA’s Shaquille O’Neal in a football challenge for the new show Shaq vs. A few hours later, his lawyers released a salvo of emails pertaining to the ongoing civil lawsuit against him.  Andrea McNulty has some ‘splainin’ to do.

The woman who has accused Ben of raping her in a Reno hotel room in July 2008 seemingly suffered no ill effects from the traumatic event.  She fired off a number of text and email messages in the days immediately after the alleged assault, then spoke highly of Ben for months afterward.  All that’s missing is a Twitter update recounting Ben’s post-coital snack of choice (My money’s on ham n’ cheese Hot Pocket).  Read her messages for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

I won’t belabor the article by repeating it here. I think the evidence speaks for itself in this case. I will say that I found two of her emails particularly disturbing. The first being her telling her fictional online boyfriend that, “Ben said he would take me to this place he has in Wyoming and they horseback into this fishing hole and camp.”

At least now we know the cowboy hat isn’t just for show. Did Ben really invite her up to his fishing hole?  What kind of pick up line is that?  Or do you think she just made that up to get her Fake Boyfriend jealous?  I can never figure out how the devious female mind works.  And hasn’t she ever heard you’re supposed to save a horse and ride a cowboy? Where’s PETA on this? Probably over in Philly, protesting Michael Vick while trying to duck the rocks thrown by the mouth-breathers who follow that team.

The second disturbing thing was this email, written about 20 hours after her alleged rape. “I am really excited because we are all going to see Journey tonight and that will be sooooo much fun. Speaking of which, I need to head over to a dinner with [Mr. Roethlisberger] and a few others before heading out. I will be back and working until at least 3am again.”

She likes Journey? I love Journey. I’ve seen them in concert four times because Journey is awesome. I cannot tell you how profoundly disturbing it is to know some petty money-grubbing nutjob and I both have a weakness for 70′s power ballads.  If I find out she has Death Cab on her IPod, I’ll officially give up music forever.