They say the true test of a person’s character is how they handle adversity.  Anybody can ride the wave when things are good, it’s how you deal with the bad times that test your mettle.  With the Pittsburgh Steelers experiencing a collapse of historic proportions, we’re finally starting to learn which players are stand up guys and which ones are dicks.  Yesterday, starting safety Ryan Clark unleashed a 12 minute rant which will live in Pittsburgh sports infamy while earning him a permanant place in Camp Asshat.

After watching the video above, you can read the entire transcript of his tirade here or just a recap of it here.   You can find a different version (shorter but unedited) of the above video here.

Where to begin with this idiocy.  First of all, I’m sick and tired of the “You never played so you don’t know anything” excuse pro athletes use whenever somebody dares to criticize them.   The late Bill Walsh was one of the most revolutionary minds in the history of pro football.  He invented the West Coast offense and coached the 49ers to three Super Bowls.   I dunno how he could accomplish all that since he never played one down of NFL football.

I understand Clark’s point about assigning blame.  I don’t have a copy of the Steelers playbook so I don’t know exactly where every player should be on every play.  I’m sure sometimes I blame the wrong person for messing up.   However, when the EXACT same players are consistently in the vicinity of bad things happening, that has to be more than a coincidence.  And I don’t think I need a playbook to recognize when a receiver drops a catchable pass or a defensive player misses a tackle.

The rest of the rant is petty bullshit.  Posting angry fan mail on the team bulletin board?   If this team needs negativity from Steeler Nation to inspire it to play hard, there is something seriously wrong.  A hastily scribbled note from some dopey yinzer saying the defense stinks set him off?  The last time a note set me off, I was at Haine Elementary School and Nikki Clinton sent me an unflattering message about my British Knights.  Nice to know Clark has the maturity level of a nine year old.

And calling the local media overly negative and comparing Pittsburgh sports writers to Philadelphia’s is laughable.   First of all, our journalists don’t write in crayon because this city actually has a literacy rate above 25%.  Secondly, those “loyal fans” were ready to run Andy Reid and Donavan McNabb out of town last season because they’ve only lead that pathetic franchise to their most successful era ever.  And finally, maybe the media and fans are more forgiving of a blown coverage or two because the Iggles HAVEN’T LOST FIVE GAMES IN A ROW.

If anything, the Pittsburgh sports media routinely acts like the unofficial P.R. agency for the Steelers.  One of the reasons Steeler fans (and I’m guilty of this myself) have an annoying habit of treating the team like it’s the most honorable franchise in all of sports and the players are all men of impeccable character is because the media goes out of their way to portray them that way.  Heaven forbid anybody criticize the Black and Gold or paint their players in a negative light.  Sure they cover stories they have to cover, like Skippy Reed‘s assaulting a towel dispenser or Big Ben (allegedly) getting all rapey with a cowgirl in Vegas, but most of the time you’d think the saints play in Pittsburgh, not New Orleans.   And again, if the media has turned on the team in recent weeks, perhaps it’s because THEY’VE LOST FIVE GAMES IN A ROW.

Ryan Clark loved the fans when 400,000 of them lined Grant Street to shower him and his team with praise after Super Bowl XLIII. There is no thing as unconditional love.  If you want the praise in the good times, you have to accept the criticism during the bad.  I guess Clark is too immature and self-involved to realize this.

Clark is a free agent at the end of this season.  Considering his level of play has been somewhere between average and abysmal, I wouldn’t shed a tear if the Steelers let him go.  I’m sure we can find another mediocre safety who can ride Troy Polamalu‘s coattails.  Meanwhile, maybe Ryan will find a city where the fans and media are more forgiving of his inability to cover recievers or make an open field tackle.  May I suggest Dallas or New York.  I’m sure they’d be right up his alley.

Tuesday was a busy day for Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. He took on the NBA’s Shaquille O’Neal in a football challenge for the new show Shaq vs. A few hours later, his lawyers released a salvo of emails pertaining to the ongoing civil lawsuit against him.  Andrea McNulty has some ‘splainin’ to do.

The woman who has accused Ben of raping her in a Reno hotel room in July 2008 seemingly suffered no ill effects from the traumatic event.  She fired off a number of text and email messages in the days immediately after the alleged assault, then spoke highly of Ben for months afterward.  All that’s missing is a Twitter update recounting Ben’s post-coital snack of choice (My money’s on ham n’ cheese Hot Pocket).  Read her messages for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

I won’t belabor the article by repeating it here. I think the evidence speaks for itself in this case. I will say that I found two of her emails particularly disturbing. The first being her telling her fictional online boyfriend that, “Ben said he would take me to this place he has in Wyoming and they horseback into this fishing hole and camp.”

At least now we know the cowboy hat isn’t just for show. Did Ben really invite her up to his fishing hole?  What kind of pick up line is that?  Or do you think she just made that up to get her Fake Boyfriend jealous?  I can never figure out how the devious female mind works.  And hasn’t she ever heard you’re supposed to save a horse and ride a cowboy? Where’s PETA on this? Probably over in Philly, protesting Michael Vick while trying to duck the rocks thrown by the mouth-breathers who follow that team.

The second disturbing thing was this email, written about 20 hours after her alleged rape. “I am really excited because we are all going to see Journey tonight and that will be sooooo much fun. Speaking of which, I need to head over to a dinner with [Mr. Roethlisberger] and a few others before heading out. I will be back and working until at least 3am again.”

She likes Journey? I love Journey. I’ve seen them in concert four times because Journey is awesome. I cannot tell you how profoundly disturbing it is to know some petty money-grubbing nutjob and I both have a weakness for 70′s power ballads.  If I find out she has Death Cab on her IPod, I’ll officially give up music forever.

Legendary Steelers coach Bill Cowher announced on CBS’s Sunday Pregame Show that he will not return to the sidelines in 2009. Instead he plans on spending another year trying to decipher the Captain Caveman-like mumblings of Shannon Sharpe. This news is no doubt a shattering blow to pretty much every franchise that missed the playoffs and/or just plain sucks and thinks The Chin is the man to save them.

The past week saw Cowher linked to every coaching vacancy and even a few jobs which aren’t currently vacant. It began with the Cleveland Browns making an overture to which Bill responded LOL. Memo to Cleveland: the man wants to WIN and everybody knows the Browns will never win anything. Then the New York Jets put him on their wishlist. ESPN had a crawl all day Thursday noting “Cowher and the Jets show mutual interest.” This interest was so mutual that Cowher rejected their interest the next day, having not even bothered to MEET them. Only in NY do people seem to think everybody is just dying to be used and abused by their ignorant disloyal fans and douchebag media.

In any case, Cowher did leave the door open by saying he will re-evaluate his retirement on a year-by-year basis. So next year when the axe falls on a half dozen inept coaches the day after the season ends, expect to hear Chris Mortenson, Jay Glazer, and that Crypt Keeper-looking dude on ESPN bring up his name in connection with every opening. And also expect every blog or fansite which follows a lousy team to keep bringing his name up as the one true savior who can come along and make everything right again.

Here’s hoping he stays retired. No need to ruin his legacy by coming back to a bad situation like Kansas City or Jacksonville and then stumbling through several good but not great seasons before becoming a victim to the unrealistic expectations of the fans.

Besides, Joe Pa can’t stick around forever. Who wouldn’t want to see The Chin lead his Nittany Lions on to the field down in Happy Valley?

Wild Card Weekend Playoff Wrap-Up

Pittsburgh West Cardinals over Falcons 30-24: The Cards were playing possum the past month as a string of phoned in performances were replaced by an amped up intensity which the young Falcons couldn’t match. Former Pitt superstar WR Larry Fitzgerald made an incredible 42 yard TD catch for the first score of the game and Atlanta simply couldn’t keep up when the game turned into a shoot-out. NFL Rushing Leader Michael Turner was bottled up and Rookie of the Year Matt Ryan had several rookie moments as the Card advanced to face the Carolina Panthers next week.

Chargers over Colts 23-17 (OT): The best game of the weekend ended with yet another early playoff exit by the underachieving Colts and undeserving NFL MVP Peyton Manning. The Colts have made the playoffs something like 8 straight years but been one-and-done in half of them. In fact, if not for Steve McNair outchoking Pey-Pey back in 2006, he could very well be football’s version of A-Rod (minus the purple lipstick and washed up pop star girlfriend). I’ll have more on the Chargers later this week as they come to Pittsburgh for an AFC Divisional Playoff game.

Ravens over Dolphins 27-9: Baltimore laid a total whuppin’ on Goldie Hawn’s favorite team, utterly exposing Chad Pennington and humbling the Fins in Miami. Pennington threw 4 picks, topped off by one being returned 64 yards for a TD by notorious ballhawk Ed Reed. Former Pitt recruit Joe Flacco became the first rookie QB to win a road playoff game as his steady play aided by an excellent running attack advanced them forward to a rematch with the top seeded Tennessee Titans next Saturday in Nashville.

Eagles over Vikings 26-14: Minny QB Tarvaris Jackson proved overmatched for the Eagles defense while superstar RB Adrian Peterson was held mostly in check (except for a 40 yard TD scamper, he was pretty well contained). Donovan McNabb made enough big plays, mostly set up by the return abilities of WR Desean Jackson, to put the Eagles ahead. RB Brian Westbrook sealed the deal with a 71 yard TD which began as a 3 yard screen but he took all the way to the end zone. Philly heads to the Meadowlands next week for a third game against their hated divisional foe New York Giants.

Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin‘s weekly Q&A was interrupted by Old Saint Nick yesterday.  Actually, it was a beat writer by the name of Bill Di Fabio impersonating the jolly elf in what is evidently a yearly tradition.  Like any good mall Santa, Di Fabio apparently performed his duties after imbibing a generous quantity of spiked egg nog.  Allegedly his schtick amused ex-coach Bill Cowher but watching his incredibly lame attempts at humor make me applaud Tomlin’s decree that Santa will slide down press conference chimneys no more.

Yep, you can see how seriously we’re taking this week’s 2008 season finale against the Cleveland Browns.

Another reason I’m impressed with Tomlin is he obviously learns from history.  Last year, the Steelers had a meaningless game against the Baltimore Ravens the final week of the season.  He chose to rest all his starters and play only the B team.  This strategy paid off in a one-and-done playoff exit at the hands of the blind referees Jacksonville Jaguars.  Meanwhile the New York Giants, with a similarly meaningless game and facing a long three road game march through the playoffs, played all their starters in a valiant bid to ruin the Patriots’ perfect season which the did four weeks later in the Super Bowl.

With that in mind, Tomlin has said every able-bodied player will suit up and play this Sunday.  That means Ben Roethlisberger, Willie Parker, and James Harrison will likely all see action.  The only serious injury to a starter I’m aware of is S Ryan Clark, who has a separated shoulder and probably won’t return until the playoffs.  Obviously, I expect Harrison and Parker to be rotated with Lawrence Timmons and Mewelde Moore a bit more than usual but it doesn’t look like anybody will be getting the week off.

Not that we need an all-star lineup to deal with the Brownies.  They’re dealing with their own little incident this week when backup DE Shaun Smith decked smug metrosexual QB Brady Quinn.  They allege this incident took place in the weight room but personally, I suspect it began in the showers and had something to do with a soap being dropped.  But I could be wrong.

What I am right about is the Browns will be starting their fourth QB this year, Seton-La Salle High product Bruce Gradkowski.  With both Quinn and Derek Anderson out with season-ending injuries, Ken Dorsey has proven woefully ineffective even by Cleveland standards as they’ve failed to score a touchdown for something like four games.  Cue the Pittsburgh-native cavalry, who started 11 games for Tampa Bay as a rookie back in 2006, posting a rather pitiful 3-8 record (including a whooping by the Steelers where he tossed three picks).

My cousins, Lexi and Taylor, actually met Gradkowski a couple years back when he was giving motivational speeches to local middle schools.  Knowing I love football, they thoughtfully decided to ask for his autograph for me.  While I appreciate their sentiment, I expect my personalized Bruce Gradkowski rookie card will continue to be worth slightly less than my Kevin Polcovich signed mini-bat for many years to come.

Then again, this is Christmukkah.  The season of giving.  And everybody knows the spirit of giving is far more important than the actual product being gifted.  Or at least that’s what Christmas specials tell me.  So as I sit down on Sunday and watch the miserable Browns play this miserable game which means nothing to either team, I’ll remember to be thankful for all the joy and excitement the Steelers have given me this year.

And to all my readers, even those of you who never leave comments (I know who you are), thank you for reading and best wishes for Happy Holidays and a great New Year.