Christmas arrived early for members of Steeler Nation as they watched their team come from behind to pull out a thrilling last minute victory over the arch nemesis Baltimore Ravens, 13-9.  This win is truly the gift which keeps on giving as the Steelers have now clinched both an AFC North title and a guaranteed first round bye.  Also, thanks to Yuletide favors from the Houston Texans, next weekend’s tilt with the Titans is set to determine who has home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

I’m not one to say “I told ya so.”  Okay, I am.  But in this case, you have to trust me when I say I knew after Baltimore’s second offensive series the Steelers were going to win the game.  For all the praise heaped upon rookie QB Joe Flacco, much of it well-deserved, it was clear when the Ravens chose to run the ball on 3^rd and long that they had zero confidence in Flacco’s ability to do anything more than manage the game.  You can’t hide your quarterback in the NFL because sooner or later they all have to make plays.

Of course, Flacco didn’t exactly inspire confidence right out of the gate.  His third pass of the afternoon was batted skyward volleyball-style by Can’t See Me Ike Taylor where it was snatched out of the air by S Ryan Clark.  Flacco only completed 1 out of his first 8 passes and finished the game a miserable 11 for 28 for only 115 yards with no TDs.  Although Blitzburgh only had 2 sacks, he was clearly bothered by the pressure as he danced around the pocket while repeatedly rushing passes or overthrowing his targets.  He may be a good one for many years to come but now is not his time.

The Ravens defense lived up to their billing.  They are a hard-hitting bunch who make you scratch and claw for every inch of turf you gain.  They created two turnovers and did a good job stopping the run while preventing any big plays in the passing game.  The one surprising thing is despite blitzing at least 75% of the time, Baltimore managed only 3 sacks, one of which was due to the only dumb play QB Ben Roethlisberger made all game.  He ran around for way too long and by the time he decided to throw it away, Terrell Suggs was all up in his grill causing a sack-fumble.

In fact, the Steelers played a pretty sloppy game for the first three quarters.  They were losing the battle for field position (as is usually the case because of their horrid punters, although Mitch Berger did manage to break the magical 40 yard average and made a sweet tackle on a long return.).  WR Santonio Holmes fumbled to kill one drive.  Ben fumbled to end another.  Several of their best runs were called back on holding penalties.  The only thing keeping the game close was the beautiful violence of their defense repelling Baltimore at every turn, limiting them to three FGs despite excellent field position.

Today’s defensive standout was last year’s first round draft pick LB Lawrence Timmons.  He made the two most important plays of the game in the fourth quarter.  After the Roethlisberger fumble, Baltimore was on their 30 with a chance to drain valuable time off the clock.  Two runs went nowhere and then on third down Flacco hit Derrick Mason between the numbers.  Timmons obliterated him at roughly the same time causing the ball to go flying through the air where Deshea Townshend narrowly missed his second huge INT in two weeks.  Still, forcing a punt and the subsequent Steeler drive which netted 3 points was where the momentum of the game shifted.

Timmons second big play, and pretty much the play of the game, was his strip-sack of Flacco with four and a half minutes left.  Even though Baltimore recovered, the loss of yardage took them out of field goal range.  Had they gotten three, all they would’ve needed was another FG to pull out a win at the end.

Despite their understandable struggles against a really good defense, the Steeler offense actually looked decent this week.  I already mentioned the line, which afforded Big Ben ample protection considering he chucked 40 passes.  They put together one of their nicest drives of the season in the first half, mixing pass and run in a possession which chewed up six and a half minutes and resulted in a FG.  Bruce Arians clearly wanted to get the ball into Fast Willie Parker‘s hands as he called a number of runs and screens for him.  We all like Mewelde Moore and he may have saved our season by stepping up like he did but when you watch FWP make his darting cuts, turning 3 yard gains into 7, you realize what a major weapon he can be.  Although they fell away from running in the 2^nd half, Arians did show a bit more patience and desire to mix up the playcalling.

Speaking of mixing things up, one of the awesome things about our receiving corps is you never know who is going to have a big game.  Last week, Heath Miller and Santonio Holmes were the go-to guys.  This week, Hines Ward (8 for 107) and Tiffin Thunder Nate Washington (5 for 76) stepped up.  Of course, none of them would’ve done anything without Ben putting the ball right on the money.  He isn’t flashy and it’s not always pretty but the man is CLUTCH.  As I said earlier, in the NFL you need a QB to make the throws when you need them made and Big Ben does that.

Before I wrap this up, I have to mention two controversial plays which no-nothing sportscasters and whiny Baltimorons will no doubt cry about for weeks to come.  On the Steelers first FG drive, they converted a 3^rd and 1 which looked iffy.  Unfortunately, unless you’re standing on the field exactly parallel to the line of scrimmage, it’s hard to tell exactly where the markers are.  The Magic Yellow Line is not official and is oftentimes a good half yard off.  The second and most discussed call was Holmes’ game winning TD.  The refs blew it.  I’d like to justify their explanation but it seemed to be “his feet were in the end zone so it’s a TD” which I believe is wrong as you’re supposed to go by where the ball is.  However, Ray Lewis of all people made the most reasonable comments on the situation; the call may have cost them those last 7 yards but the allegedly super-awesome D giving up 90 yards prior to that is where the blame should lie.

Well, my fellow Black and Gold fans, it’s been a long road but we have accomplished what many thought was impossible.  Despite the toughest schedule in NFL history, we’ve amassed 11 wins, won our division, and earned a first round bye.  Best of all, this team seems to be peaking as we move into the final two games of the season.  I don’t want to sound greedy but I’m starting to believe the Steelers’ list of accomplishments isn’t finished yet.

What would we do without Philly?   Between their dumbass wide receiver spiking the ball a yard before he reached the end zone, their drug hoarding deadbeat dad of a coach, and their tubby quarterback who can’t run a hurry up offense without puking his guts all over the sideline, that team continues to be the NFL equivalent of an older brother who is fun to invite to parties but sadly still lives in our mother’s basement.

Anyway, in news related to the one team Pennsylvanians can be proud of, it’s the first double-dip of the season for the beloved Pittsburgh Steelers as the hated Cincinnati Bengals come to town for the second half of our annual two game set. Let’s hope it doesn’t end in a tie.

Since I already previewed the two teams, there’s no sense in repeating my brilliant and usually spot-on analysis. Instead, I’ll simply touch on issues relevant to the upcoming game.

Of course, the picture above is in reference to the Bengal’s tie against the Philadelphia Eagles, the first since the Steelers drew with the Dirty Birds back in ’02. I caught a bit of the game and it was less a hard fought battle and more a cripple fight. Philly didn’t seem too eager to win (although in Donavan McNabb’s case, he probably thought he had two or three more OTs to get the job done) while Cincy snatched defeat from the jaws of victory by shanking a 47 yard FG to win the game. Still, the fact the same fearsome Iggles team which handed us our worst loss of the season was battled to a standstill by Cincy should fill us with both fear and shame.

In fact, since we last saw the Bengals, they’ve actually started to play like a professional football team. They got crushed by Houston after losing to us but then went down to Jacksonville and beat the sissies in teal for their first win. Earlier in the year, they took the Giants team with only 1 loss and who beat us up into OT.  Despite the fact they’re a punchline to many jokes and this season will probably cost Marvin Lewis his job, they’re nowhere near as pathetic as say Oakland or Detroit.

To be fair, the 38-10 final score in our first game looks like a blowout but the game was a much closer battle than that. The Steelers were nursing a slim 3 point margin at halftime despite the fact Cincy QB Ryan Fitzpatrick was sacked every other play and they didn’t get into positive total yardage until the final drive of the half. Our offense didn’t perform much better until they figured out CB Jonathan Joseph couldn’t cover his mouth on a sneeze and beat him deep with Tiffin Thunder Nate Washington.

It’s a little perplexing how the Bengals have managed to stay in games. Harvard alum Fitzpatrick, frankly, stinks. He’s got the lowest QB Rating in the league (71.3!) and considering the talent this team has at WR, it’s amazing he only has 5 measly TD passes. They’ve all but given up on RB Chris Perry and handed main backfield duties to Bears castoff Cedric Benson. Chad Ocho Cinco has only quatro scoreos and is on pace for only about 500 total receiving yards. T.J. Houshalottaletters is one of the elite WRs in the league but that shouldn’t be enough to keep them competitive. But they have been.

The game will present an interesting match-up for the Steelers as 2/3 of the Three Amigos (Bryant McFadden and Deshea Townshend) will once again be inactive. Manly William Gay and Anthony Madison did a good job against San Diego last week although the weather helped a bit in that the Chargers speed in the vertical passing game was limited on the slippy chewed up field. Fernando Bryant looked shaky but he only had about 3 days of practice so if he does play on Thursday, let’s hope he’s a bit more up to speed. It looks the rest of the Blitzburgh D will be ready to go which is good news for those of us who enjoy seeing James Harrison and LaMarr Woodley chase QBs like a dog chasing a bone.

Offensively, it appears RG Darnell Stapleton will be good to go which means it’ll be the usual gang of idiots manning the OL. Well, LT Marvel Smith is listed as out, too, but at this point I think it’s safe to just give up on him permanently. Fast Willie Parker managed to play an entire game without incurring another injury so we might just have him in the starting line up for two consecutive games. Hooray for modern medical science and/or Oxycontin! FWP will be a big addition because Cincy has a horrible run defense which should allow him to pile up a good amount of yardage.

Despite the Bengals playing gamely in the face of certain doom and the historical fact of them tending to rise to the occasion when they play us, there really is no excuse for us to lose this game. A great offensive performance won’t mean much but it would be a baby step in the right direction. As the Steelers gear up for the final month of the season and, hopefully, a playoff run, bringing that offense along one baby step at a time should be one of the main goals each and every week.

Last week, I went a most excellent 3-1 in prognosticating post-season playoff programming. Technically, I should have been 4-0 because I did warn you all to watch out for those sneaky Lightning Bolts. My only question with them was the play of QB Phillip Rivers so had I known that when it came time for one final game-winning drive, the ball would be thrust into the hands of Mighty Billy Volek, I’d have made them my A-1 Super-Duper Bet-the-kids-trust-fund Kryptonite Lock of the Week.

Mad props go out to the surging Giants for knocking off the hated Dallas Cowboys in the other upset of the week. Tony Romo didn’t fumble away the game this time, no doubt because he spent the entire bye week down in Mexico gripping football sized objects, but it was still satisfying to see that over-rated and over-hyped doofus go down in flames. And Jerry Jones standing on the sideline after the game, staring off into space, pondering who he can blame for this, while wearing his “Somebody’s ass is getting fired” face is always priceless.

It’s great to see teams get rewarded for playing the game the right way. The tanking, injury-fearing Colts and Cowboys both got exactly what they deserved for resting their starters the final week of the regular season. Has anybody noticed that of the teams remaining, all four actually played their best players in game 16? The Giants and Pats had a brutal slugfest in the Meadowlands, San Diego kept their starters in long enough to ensure they locked up the #3 seed, and Green Bay was forced to play Bret Favre due to their backup quarterback breaking his leg, plus they weren’t worried as much about stamina since their team is the youngest in the league (seriously, Bob Costas said so and Bob wouldn’t lie).

Anyway, on to this week’s picks:

Packers over New York Football Giants – I like Eli Manning. There. And I only feel slightly dirty for saying that. Look, if you’re like me, you like the underdog. And there is no bigger underdog in the NFL than Eli Manning. Think about what a personal hell his life must be. Okay, he’s an uber-rich, uber-famous professional athlete, perhaps “personal hell” is overstating the case but it ain’t easy being Eli.

He’s grown up in the shadow of a famous father, then he had to contend with the shadow of an even more famous and successful older brother, becomes the #1 overall pick in the entire draft (no pressure there) whereby he’s anointed the guy who’ll bring untold glory to the G-men (and we all know how kind, supportive, and patient New Yorkers are) and then gets thrown under the bus by former teammate Tiki Barber, who said his attempts at leadership were “comical.” A lesser quarterback would be curled up in the fetal position, sucking his thumb, and crying for his baba by now. But Eli is still just a good ‘ol country boy. And as Hank Williams Jr. taught me years before he asked if I was ready for some football, a country boy can survive.

Anyway, yeah, I’m still running with the Pack. Farve is about to be sacked, pitches the ball underhand in desperation, and the play goes for a first down. Sure, he could’ve thrown it normally but then he wouldn’t have given the announcers another reason to suck him off. And that’s really what this post-season is about. Bret Favre’s jock.

Chargers over Patriots – No, you don’t need glasses. No, that Lasik treatment you got with a coupon isn’t backfiring on you (I use coupons for many things, ketchup, toilet paper, antacids… However, eye surgery, not really something I want at a discount). No, what your mother said about watching all those Jenna Jameson movies is not coming true. I am indeed picking the Chargers.

Allow me to paint you a picture, a picture but with words. Last season, San Diego is the #1 seed and a banged-up New England team goes out to the west coast and beats them in devastating last-minute fashion. Then, being the pillars of sportsmanship that they are, they celebrate by dancing on the Chargers logo at mid-field, no doubt to gain even more good will from fans across the league and ensure yet more little girls in Patriots jerseys get booed out of the stadium during Punt, Pass, and Kick competitions.

LaDainian Tomlinson, about the most mild-mannered player around, almost starts a Pier 6 brawl when he sees this, then makes a post-game comment about the Patriots “lacking class, something they probably get from their coach.” These shocking statements directed toward that paragon of virtue and fair play, Bill Belichick, probably still play on his mind. In fact, the whole ugly incident is probably fresh in all their minds and this week, they can have their revenge.

The Patriots have got to be running on empty, both mentally and physically. I’m sure their coaching staff and “fans” will try to concoct some sort of imagined slight or perceived insult (such as not thinking Tom Brady is the Greatest Quarterback In The History Of The Universe because he can complete a bunch of 4 yard passes against a prevent defense) to try and trump up some phony motivation. I’m sorry if I’m not as impressed as the media by a consecutive completions record when most of his passes barely traveled 5 yards in the air. Maybe I sound bitter but if some of us choose to not bask in the glory of Patriots and Tom Brady every single second, then go ahead call me a “hater.” And, for the record, I would’ve booed the little girl, too.

Sometimes, I wish I was born in Detroit. Lion fans don’t realize how good they have it. If they win a few games, you shrug your shoulders and move on. If you have a winning season, they’ve exceeded your wildest dreams. If they somehow make the playoffs, the season is a tremendous success. Hooray for diminished expectations!

Unfortunately, I was born in Pittsburgh. Our outlook is a little bit different than in the Detroits or Clevelands of the world. A winning season is a given. Making the playoffs is no big deal. Anything less than a Super Bowl title is considered total failure. Being a member of Steeler Nation is a lot like being a fan of the New York Yankees, except without the whole obnoxious prick aspect.

Which brings us to the Jacksonville Jaguars and their 31-29 victory over the Steelers on Saturday night. Yeah, I know this is two days late but I needed a good 48 hours of mourning to get my thoughts together, okay? The Steelers are the John McClanes of the NFL. Whether it’s a 1989 conference playoff game where Bubby Freakin’ Brister led us to within an inch of upsetting the heavily-favored Denver Broncos to Super Bowl XXX where Bam Morris ignited a furious comeback against the Dallas Cowboys which only fell short because Neil O’Donnell was paid off by Jerry Jones threw two poorly timed interceptions, the Steelers never go away quietly. We always Die Hard.

Anyway, what’s to say about the game? The scary part is if you read my preview a few entries down, literally EVERYTHING I said needed to be done for the Steelers to win did indeed happen. Yet, we still lost. Boomer Esiason said when we review the game tape, we’re all going to be sick over this loss. I’m with you there, Boom.

In the first meeting, we allowed Maurice Jones-Drew and Fred Taylor 225 yards rushing combined. This time we held them to a measly 50. We did indeed force QB David Garrard into throwing the ball to win the game. And, despite the media constantly pimping the guy as some underappreciated gem, we all saw what kind of stunningly mediocre quarterback he really is.

Not to get on a rant here but if you’re quoting quarterback rating or passer rating or pass/interceptions ratios as “proof” of how good a quarterback is, you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. All those stats are totally misleading because you have to take in to account the context in which they’re put up. Garrard’s numbers look good because he’s only asked to throw in certain favorable spots, such as when the running game has already piled up big yardage and the defense must crowd the line to stop them.

We pretty much stymied their offense the whole game. 14 of their 31 points came on a kickoff return and an interception return. That’s half their score, given away by areas other than the defense. The kickoff one is particularly unacceptable as we’ve had 4-6 weeks of training camp, 17 weeks of regular season play, and now a week into the playoffs and we STILL can’t cover kicks? Are you kidding me?

If Ben Roethlisberger hadn’t chosen the first half to play his worst football of the season, the game would’ve been closer much sooner. He did rebound nicely in the second half as Jacksonville couldn’t stop our passing attack. Again, as I noted in my preview, their defense couldn’t handle our wide outs the first time we met, which nobody seemed to notice when I heard them handicapping the game. I don’t mean this to sound like sour grapes but the New England Patriots are really going to blow them out something fierce because if they can’t handle our aerial attack, what are they going to do against the best air show in the league?

But this game will always be a big case of the “What ifs?” What if we had Willie Parker? What if head coach Mike Tomlin had kept kicking extra points instead of chasing 2 point conversions? What if the refs hadn’t hosed us on some really questionable penalty calls (or non-calls, as the case may be)? What if we hadn’t run that stupid quarterback draw play not once but TWICE in crucial situations, which failed both times.  Big Ben is tough to drag down, but he’s nursing a sprained ankle and he’s not exactly Kordell Stewart to begin with.

Well, if it’s and buts were candy and nuts, then every day would be Christmas. And Christmas is over, just like the Steelers’ season. For the past week, I felt smug and vaguely superior reading many of our other fine Fan-Sided Blogs because the vast majority of them are already looking to next year while we still had plans for this one. Unfortunately, now we can join them in off-season misery. As that wise prophet Porky Pig once said, “Th-th-that’s all folks.”

“I taught I taw a puddy cat…”

We did, we did see those puddy cats. Like a month ago, as a matter of fact. And, man, what a hellacious month it has been for our beloved Pittsburgh Steelers. We lost our superstar running back, Willie Parker. We lost our starting left tackle, Marvel Smith. Then, for good measure, we lost his replacement, Max Starks. We even lost to the lowly Baltimore Ravens, who couldn’t beat the even lowlier Miami Dolphins.

As a result, not many people are giving the old Black and Gold a shot this Saturday night when the Jacksonville Jaguars return to Heinz Field for their Wild Card playoff game. The degenerate gamblers have already installed the Jags as 2 point favorites. Most of this love is no doubt because of the 29-22 victory they hold over the Steelers. I already broke down the two teams here so I’m not going to do it again. Instead, I’ll concentrate on what things need to be fixed in order for a better outcome this time.

Yes, the Jags physically mauled us last time. Allowing RB Fred Taylor and Pocket Hercules (Maurice Jones-Drew) to combine for an absurd 224 yards rushing is just plain crazy. The Steelers must, absolutely must, find a way to force the Jags into throwing the ball. Stuff eight guys in the box, run blitz FS Troy Polamalu on every play, go to a Cover-2 if need be but they cannot allow any of these ridiculous rushing totals if they want to win.

If the defense can somehow clamp down on the running backs, they’ll have a very good chance at winning because I don’t believe QB David Garrard can single-handedly win the game for them. He was only 17 of 33 for 197 yards in the first meeting, which aren’t horrible numbers, but you have to factor in 55 of those yards came on one play. That play, a flea-flicker, worked because S Anthony Smith felt he had to help on run support due to their line getting gashed and because he’s an imbecile. Overall, Garrard did not look very good throwing the ball and only butterfingers in the secondary prevented us from having two more interceptions. In fact, when it came down to crunch time, the final game winning drive was put on the running backs’ shoulders, not DG’s arm.

While Garrard is an efficient quarterback, the Jags are careful not to ask him to do too much and avoid putting any pressure on him to win games. This is Garrard’s first playoff game so the pressure is already on. Being forced into a pass happy shootout would be the ideal situation because, as crazy as this sounds, the Steelers have the explosive offense in this game. Jacksonville prefers to play more of a grind-it-out/”three yards and a cloud of dust” type offense and they struggle when they can’t.

Which brings me to the Steelers offense. What people seem to forget about the first Jags game is, yeah, our defense got pushed around like the fat kid at band camp, but what did their D do to us? Willie Parker had 100 yards rushing. QB Ben Roethlisberger had three touchdown passes against no picks. Sure, they had 5 sacks but terrible defenses like the Jets and Browns got multiple sacks against our shaky line so that isn’t anything special. The Steelers were down 22-7 and the Heinz faithless headed for the exits (Where do they think they live? Cleveland? In the ‘Burgh, we stay to the end, losers!) when Big Ben engineered a furious comeback. A comeback Jacksonville was unable to stop. So if nothing else, we know we can score on them as easily as Tony Romo does with well-stacked blonde bimbos.

As strange as this is for me to say, coach Mike Tomlin and offensive coordinator Bruce Arians must totally alter how we approach offense. Instead of using the run to set up the pass, we have to steal a page from the Colts or Patriots book. The Steelers need to come out firing, using the pass to set up the run. For one, any attempt to be a run based team is doomed for failure because our offensive line is even weaker with the newest batch of injuries and RB Najeh Davenport just isn’t good enough to keep the chains moving when they know he’s coming. WR Santanio Holmes finally looked 100% healthy last week, add him to Hines Ward, trusty TE Heath Miller, and our other wide receivers, and you have the makings of a pretty explosive passing attack. Yes, Ben will get sacked but he’ll also make plays and if we can somehow get 10-13 points ahead, then you force Jacksonville out of their comfort zone. The way the Colts beat them twice was they scored early, forced them to throw to catch up, and turned the game into a shootout. We must take Advice From Peyton Manning, at least when it comes to playing the Jags and not in other areas such as wooing vaguely heterosexual country-western singers rather than oddly attractive CW actresses.

They say those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Let’s hope Mike Tomlin is a history buff. Otherwise, it’ll be a long, cold Saturday night in Pittsburgh. And a long, cold offseason for our Pittsburgh Steelers.