Well, that went better than expected…

Super Bowl XLV Media Day ended without incident for the Pittsburgh Steelers.  It was actually a fairly subdued affair with Troy’s hair, Brett Keisel‘s beard, and Ines Sainz‘s ass garnering as much publicity as the Green Bay Packers.  The Diesel’s epic facial hair inspired some of the best quotes of the day.  Asked if the beard was ready for the big game, Keisel responded, “The beard’s getting too caught up in all this media attention.  It’s basking in all its glory.  It needs to focus more on the game.”  Meanwhile, Antwaan Randle-El paid it the ultimate compliment by predicting it would win in a fight against Troy’s flowing locks.

The expected ambush of superstar quarterback Ben Roethlisberger never occurred.   Oh, the media jackals peppered him with a number of thinly veiled questions about his turbulent off-season but Ben was prepared to answer them with a friendly smile and good-natured quips.  In fact, he was so successful Deadspin was reduced to taking one sentence from an hour of interview time and making a forced unfunny joke so the trucker hat wearing fratboys who skim that site in between bong hits could giggle like Beavis and Butthead.

Watching Big Ben joke around with a little kid (an eleven-year-old from Dallas was there covering the game for his school paper) and speak so eloquently about his faith makes it impossible to not root for the guy.  Clearly, the mentoring he’s received from the Rooney Family, Bill Cowher, and Merril Hoge (who will be autographing copies of his fantastic autobiography at the BOOKS-A-MILLION in Grapevine Mills Mall from 4-5 P.M. this Saturday for those of you in the Dallas area) has allowed him to turn his life around.  Ben has clearly embraced the Christian values he learned growing up in Findlay, Ohio.  Truly only the willfully ignorant or stubbornly obtuse refuse to see Ben has successfully transformed into the hero he wishes to be.

One person who no longer fits that description is Steelers legend Terry Bradshaw.  With FOX broadcasting this year’s Super Bowl, their entire broadcasting team was also on hand for Media Day festivities.   Reporters asked the Blonde Bomber about his current relationship with Big Ben.

I hope this puts to rest any talk of T.B. “hating the Steelers.”  One of the things which makes Steeler Nation great is the fact we respect the history of our franchise.  It embarrasses me to no end when people rag on or attempt to discredit what Bradshaw did for this city.  He was exactly right when he said championships are the ultimate measure of a player’s worth and Bradshaw has the rings to back him up.  Still, the fact two of the greatest quarterbacks in NFL history have patched things up has to be heartening for any true fan of the Black and Gold.

While hugs were exchanged between Terry and Ben, one person feeling no love was Roger Goodell.  The Steelers used this platform to blast the Ginger Dictator at every opportunity.  Good for them.  He spent the entire year pulling one stunt after the other in his never-ending crusade to screw over the Steelers.  Only a blind man or an utter fool couldn’t see Ginger’s obvious vendetta against the boys from the ‘Burgh.

Hines Ward, donning a Troy wig (told ya the entire day was about hair), started by blasting the league’s hypocritical stance on concussions.  Max Starks went off on the Ginger Dictator for straight up lying about the “The Steelers Hate Ben” story Peter King published then later retracted from SI.  According to Max, if Ginger was so interested in player feedback, how come he refused to answer any questions about Ben’s unfair suspension when he met with the team during training camp?   But perhaps the OH SNAP moment of the afternoon was when James Harrison was asked about the clean aggressive hard-hitting style of  football men used to play before Ginger’s attempted pussification of the game.

Greatest  burn ever?   GREATEST BURN EVER.

Troy Polamalu is the best defensive player in the NFL.  Some might dispute that but they would be wrong.  In 2008, James Harrison was Defensive Player of the Year.  Last season, he hardly missed a snap.  Yet that same defense went from being one of the all-time greats to being fairly terrible primarily because one unit had Troy and the other did not.

When you’re more important than the DPOY, you have to be the best.

The sight of those flowing locks waving as he hones in on the ball carrier like a heat seeking missile is quickly becoming an iconic image.   A sight I’m sure every member of Steeler Nation hopes to see in sixteen games this season.  Damn you, Madden, and your vile curse.

In what is one of the most unusual publicity stunts in recent memory, Head & Shoulders has taken out a one million dollar insurance policy on Troy’s hair.  Now, I know some might think, “What the hell?”  It actually makes sense if you crunch the numbers.  His shampoo contract probably pays in the high six figures.  Other commercial deals probably net him a few bucks more.  Even though he’s a great player, his unique look is a major part of his marketing appeal.

In other words, chicks dig the hair.

Besides, insurance policies on body parts aren’t uncommon.  College athletes insure their arms or legs in case some catastrophic injury costs them a professional career.  Celebrities and models take them out, too.   Singers insure their voices.  Professional wrestlers insure their bodies.  JLO has even insured her ass for $27 million.  Yes, somebody has a twenty-seven million dollar rump.  I’d be afraid to sit down.   And why one insures their behind, I’m not sure.  Nobody has ever had their butt removed due to complications from bootyliciousness, have they?

Then again, I’m not sure how Troy’s insurance policy works either.  Is there a time limit?  Does he have to try a course of rogaine before any benefits are paid out?  Is he covered against male pattern baldness?

If so, Terry Bradshaw should’ve taken out a similar policy years ago.  He would’ve made a mint.