There are certain things you can count on in life.  The Liberty Tubes will be jammed when you’re already twenty minutes late for work.  The old lady in front of you will take forever counting out exact change for skim milk and a banana at Giant Eagle.  A bird will poop on your windshield right after you finish washing your car.

And the Baltimore Ravens will whine whenever they lose.

Ray Lewis went on the above rant after his team lost to the Bengals 15-10 in week two.  They went on to win this past weekend but I’m posting that video to prepare Steeler Nation.  When the Pittsburgh Steelers walk away with their fourth straight victory this Sunday, it will not be because the Steelers are the better team.  It’ll be because the Ratbirds got hosed by crooked refs.

You see, the Ravens never lose.  They never commit a penalty.  There is a vast conspiracy around the NFL.  A conspiracy which wants to see Baltimore suffer.  When Oliver Stone makes a movie to expose this injustice, one can only guess.

What’s worse, the whining from Ratbird players has seeped all the way through to their obnoxious fan base.  Every single Baltimore defeat is met with a borderline psychotic dissection of correctly made calls which only serves to reinforce the notion that Raven supporters are the most childish in sports.  They’re an unstoppable juggernaut headed to the Super Bowl when they win and they’re royally jobbed in defeat.  It never changes.

Think I’m kidding?  If you feel like killing a few brain cells without the aide of sweet sweet alcohol try typing “Baltimore Ravens” and “Whining” into the google box on your internet machine.   Literally hundreds of links will pop up.  I know, you might be saying, “But Chris, the Ray Ray tirade just happened two weeks ago!“   That would be fine except most of the links have nothing to do with that.  In fact, most don’t have anything to do with this season.  They go back years.

From this season:

Frankly, there was no absence of malice shown by NFL officials making those calls last Sunday, but what else is new? Through the years, considering how the Ravens have seemingly become the hunted in the eyes of NFL officials, there rarely is.

From 2009:

Funny, I haven’t even read any comments about pass interference on the last Ravens drive in the 4th quarter on 3rd down. It was blatant interference and no one called that. One thinks that the Pats either have the refs in their pockets or the NFL makes it clear that Tom Brady in the super Bowl will sell seats. Frustrating for other teams that don’t get the same level of consideration…”

and:

Except for middle linebacker Ray Lewis, most of the Ravens didn’t want to criticize the officiating, so I will. I’ve been covering the NFL since 1987, and no one will ever accuse me of being a Ravens’ homer, but this was one of the worst officiated games I’ve ever seen. Yes, the Ravens got hosed, to make it plain and simple. They didn’t get any good spots on short yardage situations either on offense or defense.

From 2007:

“It’s hard to go out there and play the Patriots and the refs at the same time,” Ravens cornerback Chris McAlister said. “They put the crown on top and they want them to win.”

Those are just a few examples.  The Ravens and their insipid fans always find a reason to whine and complain.  Last season, the Steelers beat the Ratbirds 23-20 and from the outcry you would’ve thought the ref tore off his zebra top and did Hulk Hogan poses at mid-field while wearing a “Sixburgh” t-shirt after the game.  If you recall, a Raven TD was wiped out due to a holding penalty which sent the conspiracy theories into overdrive.  Never mind that on THE VERY NEXT PLAY, Derrick Mason dropped an easy TD in the end zone.  Just like two weeks ago, never mind that Joey Flacco tossed FOUR INTS in the loss to Cincinnati.

Nope, it was all the referee’s fault.

So prepare yourself, Steeler Nation.   When we win on Sunday, it won’t be due to the steady play of Charlie Batch or the stifling presence of the best defense in the NFL.  It’ll be because the league wants the Ravens to lose.  They get to cry, we get the W.  Sounds like a fair trade to me.

The eagerly anticipated 2009 NFL season will kick off with the traditional Thursday night match-up featuring the defending Super Bowl champions. This year, that game will be your six time Lombardi Trophy winning Pittsburgh Steelers against the newly Albert Haynesworth-less Tennessee Titans.  Not only will we get a chance to see old friend Chris Hope, we’ll also get a chance to present the Titans’ prized free agent pick up, WR Nate Washington, with the ring he barely kinda somewhat helped us win.  It’ll also be a chance to meet up with infamous Terrible Towel stomper Lendale White and ask him how his little act of desecration worked out for him.  Sooner or later people will learn that messing with the Towel only leads to bad things happening for you and your team.   LenWhale should know, what with his horrid performance in the colossal choke job they turned in during the AFC Divisional Playoff game against the Baltimore Ravens.

Speaking of the Ratbirds, sources in the league have leaked the info that the big bad guys in purple have asked the NFL not to schedule either of their games against us in prime time. I guess getting whupped three times in one year is more than the poor wittle Wavens can bear and they don’t want their double humiliations this year broadcast to a nationwide audience.  Gotta love Baltimore.  They act so tough, thump their chests, and talk all kinds of trash about bounties and being the better team yet when it comes time to actually back up their actions, they whine and cower like a bunch of pussies.

Anyway, mark your calendars for September 10th.  That will be the date when your beloved Black and Gold begin their march toward yet another glorious year.  Man, that seems like so far away…