Little known fact:  NFL referees have training camp, too.  Often you’ll see different crews officiating scrimmages to get back into the swing of things.  One thing every team receives is a presentation by a crew chief where he explains to the players what refs are looking for when it comes to holding or interference and also any new rules which were put into place over the off-season.

Bill Leavy recently gave this talk to the Seattle Seahawks.   While there, Leavy took the opportunity to unburden his soul concerning his officiating in Super Bowl XL.   Quoth the zebra:

It was a tough thing for me. I kicked two calls in the fourth quarter and I impacted the game, and as an official you never want to do that,” said the veteran of 15 NFL seasons and two Super Bowls.

Of course, this statement has reignited another bout of insipid crying from the five Seahawks fans still paying attention to that rag tag bunch of losers.   Steeler Nation has had to listen to the whining emanating from Seahawk Township for four years now.  Since their team has fallen into disgrace, I had hoped those latte sipping emo bastards would eventually shut up, get over it, and move on to more interesting pursuits such as cutting themselves while listening to Sonic Youth.

But noooooo….    Bill Leavy is tortured.  He “punted” two calls in the Super Bowl!   He’ll never be able to live with himself if he doesn’t confess his sins to a bunch of players who weren’t even on that team.  I get that Seattle hasn’t had anything remotely interesting going on since Nirvana hit it big in 1992.   And I completely understand the Seahawks franchise has to dwell on their one moment in the sun because they’ve been utterly forgettable the other 34 years of their existence.

But enough is enough.

Even Mike Pereira, the NFL’s former Head of Officiating and Leavy’s boss in 2006, has also had enough.  He penned a column for Fox Sports where he wrote, “Did Leavy’s calls determine the winner of Super Bowl XL?  Absolutely not!  In truth, there were missed calls that went against both teams.”

Well said, Mr. Pereira.  Honestly, I didn’t think this needed stated because I thought anybody with a brain in their head already knew the Steelers won Super Bowl XL fair and square.   The “two calls” Leavy claims to have punted were a holding penalty on Seattle which wiped out a play that put them at the Steelers 1 and a personal foul penalty on Matt Hasslebeck after Ike Taylor picked him off at the Steelers 5.

Yes, the holding penalty was ticky-tacky.   NEWSFLASH:  Most holding penalties are ticky-tacky.  The holding call on Justin Hartwig in Super Bowl XLIII that not only cost the Steelers a first down but resulted in a safety was ticky-tacky.   And for the record, Clark Haggans WAS being held.  Perhaps if Seattle’s line wasn’t so badly overmatched that they had to resort to cheating, the ref wouldn’t have had to penalize them.

The Hasselbeck personal foul occurred AFTER he threw an absolutely horrendous INT.  Sure it kept the Steelers from being backed up in their own end but we all know they would’ve marched down the field anyway.  Besides, worrying about the personal foul is like being mad about a cold when you have the Bubonic Plague.  Instead of crying about the 15 yards tacked on after the play, Seahawk Township should direct their ire at the Neil O’Donnell-esque pick their inept QB threw moments earlier.

Every game has some good calls and some bad calls.  Champions find a way to overcome adversity.   Against Indy earlier in the ’05 playoffs, the Steelers were robbed of a clear Troy Polamalu INT that almost cost them a victory.   They overcame the injustice to win.   In Super Bowl XLIII, no less than three ridiculous calls went against them, yet they still pulled it out.  To the credit of Arizona fans, at least they had the class and dignity to admit we were the better team and not carry on like five year old children who just lost at Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Seattle has nobody but themselves to blame for getting demolished in Super Bowl XL.  Ben Roethlisberger was utterly useless, finishing with a QB rating lower than his age.   The defense seemed nervous and tentative in the first half.  Seahawks kicker Josh Brown missed two easy field goals.   Jerramy Stevens played like he dipped his hands in butter before the game.   And Mike Holmgren‘s inept coaching led to some of the poorest clock management this side of Norv Turner.

The bottom line is this:  the refs didn’t allow Willie Parker to blast off a 75 yard touchdown run.   The refs didn’t force Hasselbeck into misfiring on one out of every two passes he attempted.  And the refs didn’t force the Seahawks to stand around like neon green traffic cones while the Steelers pulled the brilliant razzle dazzle of Antwaan Randle-El firing to a wide open Hines Ward for the back-breaking score.

If an NFL player or coach gets screwed by a bad call, the league fines them heavily if they so much as hint that the referee messed up (even if he obviously did).   Yet now we have a ref kissing a bunch of patchouli-smelling ass by stirring up a bunch of stuff with no basis in reality.   Do something useful for a change, Goodell.   Instead of suspending innocent quarterbacks who did nothing except have a little bit of fun with a ho in a bathroom, how about shutting this imbecile up?

Nobody wants to hear it anymore.

st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) }

/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:”Table Normal”;
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:”";
mso-padding-alt:0pt 5.4pt 0pt 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0pt;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:”Times New Roman”;}

The natives are restless in Big D.

After losing three out of their last four games, the Dallas Cowboy players aren’t the only ones pointing fingers and pushing the panic button on their season. Their fans are growing increasing unhappy with the underperformance of a team which featured no less than 11 Pro Bowlers last year. Fair or not, a good deal of their venom is directed toward head coach Wade Phillips. Their collective voices are crying out for one man to save them:

Bill Cowher.

Of course, every team with a head coaching vacancy, and even a few without one, set their sights on Coach Cowher. Two years ago, the Giants stumbled down the stretch but managed to squeak into the playoffs where they got dumped by the Philadelphia Eagles. The next day, the New York Post ran the headline “We Want Bill.” Last year, the hot rumor was Romeo Crennel was on his way out and Cowher was going to be installed as head coach and G.M. of the Cleveland Browns. But they had a surprisingly strong season and Romeo received a contract extension instead, although the way this year is going that might not last.

Everybody wants Bill Cowher. Why shouldn’t they? In 15 years here in Pittsburgh, he only missed the playoffs five times. He’s won 150 games and is in the top five of all time with a 62% win percentage. Not to mention the two Super Bowl appearances and one victory. When retreads who never accomplished anything like Denny Green keep getting shot after shot, it’s pretty obvious why Bill would be the most highly sought after coach in decades.

So I can’t blame Dallas for wanting him. But I can tell them it isn’t going to happen.

Cowher left Pittsburgh for two reasons: burn-out and money. Some people think it’s just the latter but that’s not true. Jerome Bettis called Cowher’s retirement the season before because he had confessed to the Bus that after the Super Bowl he was tired and wanted to spend time with his family. This was before contract extension talks had began with the Steelers so money was not an issue. It did become a problem after the season when it became clear that his desire to be the highest paid coach in the NFL wasn’t going to happen in Pittsburgh.

Dallas owner Jerry Jones only lure to snag Cowher would be money. Big giant piles of it. If getting the fattest paycheck he can is Bill’s only goal then Dallas could very well be in the running. But there is nothing to indicate that is the case. In fact, all evidence points to the opposite.

Prior to the 2007 season, Wayne Huizenga offered Bill Cowher basically the deal he gave Bill Parcells to coach and run the Miami Dolphins organization. Cowher turned him down, ostensibly because he wanted to spend time with his family. Being close to home is important to him, one reason why Washington, Carolina, and Atlanta were the jobs most frequently associated with him. Speaking of Atlanta, that brings us to this offseason. Falcons owner Arthur Blank offered Bill a blank check to take over that troubled franchise. Again, he turned them down. The Redskins also had a coaching vacancy and you better believe Danny Snyder would’ve opened his wallet for Bill if given the opportunity. Obviously if money were the issue, Cowher has had ample chances to, as the kids say, make the chedda.

Which brings us to the main reason why you won’t see The Chin roaming the field in the Lone Star state. Control. Bill Cowher is as headstrong a coach as you’ll find. He’s extremely demanding and extremely controlling. He’s far more Bill Parcells than Wade Phillips and everybody knows Parcells got fed up and left. If you want a caretaker to just make in-game decisions, then Cowher is not your guy.

Director of Player Personnel Tom Donohoe was run out of town because he butted heads with Coach Cowher. In Cowher’s first training camp, Huey Richardson, who had been the 15^th overall pick in the NFL Draft the previous season, demonstrated a total lack of football ability so Cowher cut him. One of the big issues during his last couple seasons was the increased authority of Dan Rooney’s son, Art III, in the organization. Where Dan leaves the team to his coaches, Art III is supposedly more involved which rubbed Bill the wrong way. In his farewell press conference, the heat between them was obvious as he specifically praised working with Dan but ignored Art, who was standing right next to him.

For this reason alone, I can’t possibly see how he’d get along with the Cowboys’ obnoxious overbearing doofus of an owner. If anybody missed HBO’s “Hard Knocks” show this year, I’ll give you a quick synopsis: Jerry Jones evaluating players. Jerry Jones making draft decisions. Jerry Jones at training camp. Jerry Jones meeting with coaches to discuss game plans. Jerry Jones giving his players motivational speeches in the locker room. See the problem yet?

Not to mention, Cowher likes blue collar hard edge football players. He hates prima donnas and crybabies. Before the AFC Championship game where San Diego upset the heavily favored Steelers, a bunch of players planned out a Super Bowl Shuffle type video. When we lost because we took our eye off the ball, Cowher was very upset with the players to the point he ran the ringleader of the video, Brentson Buckner, off the team. Wonder how he’d react to Tony Romo taking his bimbo to Cabo? One reason why they made no effort to retain Plaxico Burress was because Cowher had enough of his big mouth, criminal antics, and tendency to miss games over every broken fingernail. I’m sure he’d love T.O.

If Bill Cowher returns to the NFL, it’ll be in a situation similar to Mike Holmgren in Seattle. Total control over a team without any meddlesome input from an owner. And that will not happen in Dallas. So, sorry Cowboy fans, but NO BILL FOR YOU!

He’s baaaaack.   And no closet in Western Pennsylvania is safe from his dookie dropping Anus of Doom.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen of Steeler Nation, Najeh Davenport has returned.

In the wake of last Monday’s game with the Ravens, where the Steelers helmet logo should’ve been replaced by a Red Cross, Pittsburgh has resigned every coed’s nightmare.   Joining him in the backfield will be Gary Russell, who had been banished to the practice squad when head coach Mike Tomlin decided an extra special teams player was more important than a 3rd string running back.

I can’t really blame Tomlin, though.   One back getting injured?   Okay.  Two guys going down?  Alright.  Three RBs out of commission?  No way, no how.

Except that’s exactly the situation our favorite team currently find themselves in.  Fast Willie Parker hurt his knee and is out until after the bye.  Rashard Mendenhall broke his collarbone and is finished for the year.  FB Carey Davis sprained his ankle, which is being kept hush-hush but sounds a lot like the high ankle sprain which kept WR Santonio Holmes out for significant time last year.  Mewelde Moore, ostensibly our third-down back, is the last man standing.

Thankfully, the cavalry is on the way in the form of the Dumptruck.  Being familiar with the offense allows him to be put into a featured role right away.   Also, Davenport’s big enough to play either RB or FB, thus allowing him to fill in for Davis.   Don’t be shocked to see him and Moore share the backfield.  Sure, he didn’t show much last season when thrust into the featured back role but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Besides, what else is there?  The Cincinnati Bungles just signed Bears castoff Cedric Benson.   You know, the guy who was cut after getting busted for two DUIs.  Way to address that character issue, Cincy.   There’s the World’s Most Fertile Running Back, Travis Henry.  He could use the work, what with having to support 8 different kids from 8 different women.  But there’s the whole stealing stuff out of teammate’s lockers issue.  Finally, I guess we could sign former Super Bowl nemesis and league MVP, Shaun Alexander. You’d think someone would’ve taken a shot on him. I mean, not the Steelers, because they like players who run towards contact, but other, less interesting teams.

Other than the running back sitch-U, there are a few other injuries to report.  RG Kendall Simmons tore his ACL and is out for the season.   Darnell Stapleton looked halfway decent when pressed into emergency service against Baltimore.  It’s between him and veteran Trai Essex.   I think Stapleton has the inside track.   Tomlin seems to have a man crush on him as he’s been carrying him on the roster since last year when he made the team as an undrafted free agent out of Rutgers.  He was projected to be a center and his supposed potential was one of the big reasons Chukky Okobi was cut.  So far Tomlin has shown extraordinarily bad taste in personnel decisions so we’ll have to see how this one plays out.

If Darnell fails, Essex played capably in limited action last year.  He’s in the final year of his contract so he’d be extra motivated to prove his worth.   If he failed, and let’s face it, our O-line is one big bucket of FAIL, they could move RT Willie Colon inside to guard.  That would allow the $7 Million Dollar Man Max Starks to finally earn some of that grossly over-inflated salary.  However, this is only a disaster case scenario as Tomlin seems to really have a hate on for Bionic Max and pretty much refuses to play him unless the other linemen are crippled.

Anyway, for those keeping score at home, these are the fresh faces to keep a lookout for on your 2008 Pittsburgh Steelers starting line-up (and the player they’re replacing):  DE Travis Kirschke (Bret Keisel), NT Chris Hoke (Fatass Hampton), RB/FB Najeh Davenport (FWP, Mendenhall, Davis), RG Darnell Stapleton (Kendall Simmons).

Anybody watch the EliteXC MMA show on CBS last Saturday?

If you’re a proud yinzer like me, you probably spent the night watching the Detroit Red Wings put the kibosh on our beloved Pittsburgh Penguins. Sadly, our quest for Lord Stanley’s Cup was fruitless as they went down to ultimate defeat last night. As an aside, I don’t want to sound like a whiny bitch, otherwise known as a Seahawk fan, but I’ll never understand NHL officiating no matter how many games I watch. However, giving credit where credit is due, Detroit was the better team and a deserving champion. If not for the heroic efforts of The Flower, Marc-Andre Fleury, the Pens would’ve been swept in 4.

Anyway, back to big sweaty tattooed men beating the snot out of each other. I posted that clip because it might be of interest to Steeler Nation. Last Saturday night, on that MMA show, a familiar name fought in an unaired prelim. Anybody remember Carlton Haselrig?

C’mon, people! Haselrig was one of the most gifted offensive linemen we’ve ever had. You think Barry Foster, Bam Morris, and Eric Pegram gained all those yards by themselves? Haselrig served up more pancakes than IHOP. What’s amazing is he never played ONE down of college football. He was an amateur wrestling star at Pitt. While there, he even beat future TNA Champion/WWE Champion/Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle. Three years later, he was in the Pro Bowl.

Unfortunately, Haselrig was a, how to put this nicely, FREAKIN’ NUTCASE. He once locked his keys in his car. Instead of using a coathanger to jimmy the lock, he decided to break the passenger window WITH HIS BARE HAND.

And that wasn’t even his manliest incident ever. He was once arrested for driving his motorcycle. Yep, Big Ben’s two-wheeled hijinks weren’t the first time the Steelers have run afoul of the Chopper Gods. Poor Carlton also had a motorcycle-related incident, although he was wearing his helmet…

BACKWARDS. But he was wearing it because, hey, if you’re going to cruise through McKee’s Rocks completely blind while on top of a 500 cc instrument of death, it’s best to remember safety first. Upon being questioned by the fuzz, he reportedly said he did this because he “wanted to see if he could.” That’s the best reason to do anything, folks.

So it should come as no surprise that Haselrig has decided to move on to manly pursuits which actually pay him money. Namely Mixed Martial Arts.

Sure he’s 42 years old. Sure he just started his new career in April. But this man is a 6 time NCAA wrestling champion. Even Angle admits he would’ve won a Gold medal had he pursued the Olympics. Instead he turned to football and dominated at something he had zero collegiate experience at. So I wouldn’t bet against him. If he puts his mind to it, I truly think he can accomplish anything, athletically-speaking.

UFC President Dana White, are you listening? I hear Brock Lesnar could use an opponent on a future card. Make it so!

That prancing sissy is Jason Taylor, six-time Pro Bowler and 2006 Defensive Player of the Year for the Miami Dolphins. Even more importantly, he was first runner-up on this year’s “Dancing with the Stars.” Isn’t it cute how he and his uber-hot partner with the goofy Russian name wore Dolphin colors for their routine?

Newly hired Emperor of Football Operations, Bill Parcells, doesn’t seem to think so. In fact, when Jason visited the Dolphins voluntary off-season workouts, the Big Tuna acted like a cold fish. He refused to shake Taylor’s hand, refused to look up from game tape, refused to acknowledge his existence. Didn’t even give him a catchy nickname or refer to him as “She.”

So, of course, when Miami began a second round of workouts, Taylor blew them off. He jetted out to California in search of fame of a different kind, sending word back that he won’t report for off-season workouts, won’t report to pre-training training camp, and won’t report to actual training camp, either. Basically, he wants nothing more to do with the only team he’s played for during his entire 10 year career.

Like every other “Dancing” contestant, Taylor will soon learn fame is fleeting and obscurity quickly calls once the show is over. Indy Car driver Helio Cassavetes won the show and I bet most people wouldn’t know him from the assclown who cuts you off on the Parkway. Taylor won’t be moving to La-La Land any time soon. He will be back playing football next year, although probably not for the Miami Dolphins. Which begs the question, where should he go?

How about the Pittsburgh Steelers?

I’ve given this some thought and I strongly believe the Steelers should make an effort to bring Jason Taylor back to his hometown. Allow me to present my arguments:

1) He wants to go to a winner. We’re the Steelers. We’re born winners. Our team was one corrupt referee’s holding non-call away from playoff glory last season. This season, the Colts are a year older, the Browns are the Browns, the Chargers are unproven, and the Patriots will struggle now that they can’t tape their opponent’s signals.

2) We need to upgrade the defensive line. Yes, we have some decent players on the line. Aaron Smith is a stud, no doubt. But Brett Keisel and Casey Hampton? Keisel had a whopping total of 2 sacks. Yippee. Hampton made the Pro Bowl but it was by reputation only because he clearly lost a step or ate too many buffets. They are both fairly effective run stoppers, although even that area declined once Smith went down for the season, but neither can pressure the quarterback. How did the New York Football Giants defeat the Patriots? Pressure from their ends. Jason Taylor is an automatic 10+ sack guy. And who knows how effective he could be when he’s protected by our awesome linebackers and running Coordinator Dick Lebeau’s brilliant schemes.

3) He could be had on the cheap. I’m not suggesting we trade Willie Parker for him. I’m not suggesting we give up our next two #1 draft picks for him. Miami supposedly wanted a 2^nd round pick from Tampa Bay. That’s not a steep price considering we always draft at the far end of round 2. Better still, offer a 3^rd rounder or a package mid-round picks. At this point, what is Parcells going to do? The guy won’t play for him so they might as well get whatever they can. Beggars can’t be choosers.

4) He’d upset our Salary Cap. Hahahahaha. Sorry. I have to chuckle at that because Taylor will make $7 million next year. Approximately the same amount we will be paying MAX F’N STARKS!! A lineman who got beat out for his job last year and who has to compete for a job this year!!! He might not even start!!! Seven million to ride the bench!! For that money, we could have a guy who had 56 tackles, 11 sacks, 4 forced fumbles, and a pick for a last place team!

5) Okay, I’m calming down. One final criticism. He’s 33 years old and would be a distraction because he cares more about Hollywood than football. I already explained how his dreams of walking the red carpet with Tom and Katie are going to go poof in very short order. Yes, the age thing means we’ll only have him for probably 2-3 seasons. So what? Big Ben is entering his prime. Hines Ward will not play forever. Running backs can lose their mojo almost instantly. Look how Shaun Alexander went from MVP to cut in only two seasons. The time to win is NOW.

The Steelers aren’t an 8-8 team building for the future. We’re a playoff team trying to get over the hump to being a Super Bowl champion. And you do that by sprinkling in some quality rookies (check) and quality veterans. Jason Taylor is one such veteran.

Bring Jason “Twinkle Toes” Taylor home!!!