2000

This marked the Steelers final season in Three Rivers Stadium.

The team began the year with the Kent Graham Experiment.  Graham, a journeyman backup quarterback who spent most of his career with the Giants, was inexplicably signed to a big money free agent deal to replace the struggling Kordell Stewart.  He had a mediocre start as the the Steelers were 0-3 under his leadership until getting injured.   Kordell replaced him and reeled off two straight wins before returning to the bench.   Somehow, the Steelers won the next two games despite Graham completing a grand total of 16 passes.

Stewart was given his job back and finished out the year as starter.   The team went 9-7, ending their streak of three consecutive losing seasons.  Thanks to a decent defense led by Joey Porter and Jason Gildon and 1,350 rushing yards from Jerome Bettis, old Three Rivers went out a winner.

2001

The Steelers welcomed Heinz Field by going 13-3 and hosting the AFC Championship Game.  2001 was Slash’s final shining moment in the Black and Gold.   After almost losing his job the year before, he managed to conjure up the days when he was the most exciting player in the NFL.

When the year was over, Kordell would pass for 3,100 yards, rush for 500, and score 19 total touchdowns.   Hines Ward and Plaxico Burress each had 1,000 yard seasons receiving.  They were aided by the Bus, who would have his final 1,000 yard season, and Chris Fuamatu-Ma’afala, one of the many heir apparents the Steelers tried to find for Bettis.

The Steelers bounced the defending Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens out of the playoffs in the first round.  Thus began a decade long trend of the Steelers torturing the poor Ratbirds in games that actually meant something.  In the Championship game, the Steelers knocked a spunky youngster named Tom Brady out of the game.   Drew Bledsoe came off the bench to toss a TD pass that would eventually be the difference in the game.

2002

The previous year saw WWE owner Vince McMahon think to himself, “Hmmm, I’m great at marketing oiled up meatheads in teeny tiny swimming trunks fake fighting with each other.  I know!  I’ll start a football league!” The XFL was an abject failure and went away after one season.  However, the league MVP, Tommy Maddox, went on to sign with the Steelers.

Maddox was a first round draft pick of the Denver Broncos way back in 1992.  They planned to make him the successor to John Elway.   Except Elway pulled a Favre and refused to retire.   Good for Denver, because he ended up winning two Super Bowls late in his career.  Maddox was considered a washout and was actually selling insurance for a living when Vinnie Mac gave him a call.

Stewart began the season as starter but played terribly.  After losing the first two games and looking bad while squeaking by the Browns in OT, Bill Cowher had seen enough.  He pulled Kordell in favor of Maddox marking the end of Slash’s career in Pittsburgh.  Maddox lead the team to a 10-5-1 record (yes, a tie).

Elsewhere, Bettis was struggling with injuries as his days as the primary back were rapidly coming to an end.   West Virginia product Amos Zereoue stepped in to do a nice job in his absence.  It would be the lone highlight of Zereoue’s NFL career.  Believe it or not, today he’s a chef at a fancy restaurant which bears his name.

The Steelers managed to win the AFC North that year.      In the first round, they played the Cleveland Browns in one of the best playoff games ever.  The Browns were up 24-14 in the fourth quarter and all they had to do was run out the clock.  However, the Browns had an offensive coordinator by the name of Bruce Arians.  Foolishly chucking the ball 40+ times gave the Steelers time to explode for 22 points in pulling off a 36-33 victory.

In the next round, they faced the late Steve McNair and his Tennesee Titans.  This game will forever be known as The Joe Nedney Game.  The teams battled into overtime where Nedney missed a 30 yard field goal but Steelers CB Dewayne Washington brushed up against his calf trying to block it.  Nedney hit the turf, rolling around like he just got decked by Chuck Liddell. The refs threw a flag, giving Nedney a second chance to win the game.

2003

File ’03 under “Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”   The Steelers had a weak running attack with Bettis battling injuries and age while newly anointed starter Zereoue quickly flamed out.  So what did they decide to do?

AIR IT OUT!

This was the year of the Tommy Gun Offense.  The Steelers let Maddox throw early and throw often.  He ended up with 3,500 yards passing but a terrible 18/17 TD-to-INT ratio.   And the team finished a miserable 6-10.

Although there was hope on the horizon in the form of a wild haired human missile out of USC who spent most of the year on special teams because he had trouble figuring out the Steelers’ complicated defense.

2004

The Steelers parlayed the misery of ’03 into a first round draft pick by the name of Ben Roethlisberger.  While everybody was fighting over Eli Manning and Philip Rivers, the Steelers sat back and waited for Big Ben to fall into their laps.  For those wondering where I got the name of my site, there was a great NFL end of season commercial showing two actors playing Steeler fans.  They were watching the draft and after Ben’s name was called one fan asks, “Roethlis…who?“  to which the other answers sarcastically, “Nice pick, Cowher!”

Man, how different does Ben look?

Anyway, Maddox was supposed to play the year while Ben sat and learned.  Unfortunately, he was hurt in the second game of the season, a loss to the Ratbirds.   Ben stepped in and reeled off fifteen straight victories.  Among those wins were back-to-back triumphs over undefeated teams, first ending the Patriots 18 game winning streak then humbling the Iggles.

Ben was supported by a rejuvenated running game.  The Steelers signed their last big name free agent by luring Duce Staley from the Eagles.  Staley had 830 yards on the season while the Bus added another 941 plus 13 TDS.  The Steelers also benefitted by rehiring Dick LeBeau, who had left the team earlier in the decade to become head coach of the Bengals.   With LeBeau as defensive coordinator and the ground game clicking, the Steelers made it to another AFC Championship game where they were defeated by Peepin’ Bill Belichick and his Spycam loving Patriots.

The loss was followed by a pair of good byes.  Burress, an uber-talented headcase, departed via free agency.   The Steelers shed no tears over that development.   Tears did fall when Myron Cope, the voice of Steeler Nation for 35 years, announced his retirement.  There’ll never be another one like you, Cope.

One long week from today, the Pittsburgh Steelers head to the Mile High City to face the Denver Broncos. A little of the luster has been lost from this match-up thanks to yesterday’s manhandling by the Baltimore Ravens which knocked Denver from the ranks of the undefeated. Nothing feels better than being the team that hands another club their first loss of the year. I love being a spoilsport.

When you ask Steeler Nation to name our biggest rivals, few would mention the Broncos. There are the traditional division rivals, like the Browns and Bengals. Then there are the Patriots and Ravens, teams we’ve battled for playoff glory most of this decade. And finally we have the Cowboys, a team we faced for the Super Bowl title on three occasions and the only team which rivals the Black and Gold on the national stage.

Nope, nobody mentions the Broncos. But I’m here to rectify that. Some of you newer fans may not be aware of the history these teams have together. In many ways, it’s been a much more heated competition over the last 25 years than the so-called rivalries we have with the Browns or Bengals.

In 1989, head coach Chuck Noll pulled off a miracle. He lead a thoroughly mediocre squad to the Wild Card game. In those days, there were only 3 division winners, all of whom got byes.  Two Wild Card teams played a game to see who advanced to the final four. The Steelers won an OT thriller against the Houston Oilers when a young Rod Woodson steamrolled a punt returner, forcing a fumble which lead to the game winning FG.

The next week, the Steelers faced the Broncos.  John Elway was in the midst of leading Denver to three Super Bowls in four years (and losing all of them) so the Donkeys were heavy favorites. Merrill Hoge (yes, the ESPN guy) had the game of his life, rushing for 120 yards on only 16 carries.  Bubby Brister showed tremendous grit, playing almost an entire quarter with a concussion so severe his teammates had to literally walk him to the correct sideline. The Steelers were on the verge of a monumental upset until Elway pulled off one of his patented comebacks, throwing the go-ahead TD with 2:30 left. Yes, Chuck Noll almost made the AFC Championship game with Bubby Freakin’ Brister at quarterback. Now you know why he’s considered one of the best coaches ever.

Fast forward nine years later, Bill Cowher is coach and Kordell Stewart is our quarterback. This was when Slash was one of the most feared offensive weapons in the league and one of the most exciting players I’ve ever seen. I will never apologize for my man crush on Slash. Anyway, the Steelers were the #2 seed and welcomed the Broncos to Three Rivers Stadium. Kordell had a 33 yard TD run which sadly was the only positive in his otherwise horrific day. Three INTS and a fumble contributed to a 24-21 Broncos upset. This game will always be remembered because after Slash threw his second stupid pick in the red zone, Denver LB Bill Romanowski visibly slapped his forehead and yelled at Stewart, “Think, man. You gotta think.”

The Steelers finally got a measure of revenge during the miracle run of 2005. The Broncos had plucked QB Jake Plummer from obscurity in Phoenix and he lead them to the best record in the AFC. Pittsburgh was the lowest seed that year, faced with the daunting prospect of playing the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd seeded teams in consecutive weeks. It turned out to be their easiest game of the playoffs, as the Steelers traveled out to Denver and whupped up on the Broncos 34-17. The Black and Gold went on to defeat the Seattle Seahawks for their fifth Lombardi Trophy which set off a torrent of whining from the Pacific Northwest that continues to this day.

So you can see there’s definitely some history between our respective franchises.  If both teams are on a collision course for another epic playoff encounter, next Monday’s game takes on added importance. After all, it may end up determining who has the higher seed and thus, home field advantage.  Prior history aside, that’s something I’m sure we all agree we want on our side come January.

Pittsburgh Steelers kicker Jeff Reed celebrated Sunday’s victory over the Browns by getting his drink on. Of course, this ended the way Skippy’s drunken escapades usually end. Handcuffs, and not the good kind, for our wayward kicker and embarrassment for the Steelers organization. With his contract set to expire at the end of the season, this latest foolishness probably seals his fate as far as remaining in the Black and Gold is concerned.

This has been a weird year for the Steelers when it comes to running afoul of the law. They can’t just get in trouble, it always has to be some odd situation or crazy set of circumstances. First, it was Reed’s vicious assault on a paper towel dispenser. Then came the Ben Roethlisberger lawsuit, filled with disturbing accusations and a nutjob of an alleged victim. Now we have Skippy fighting for his right to urinate.

Reed, his father (?), and Steelers TE Matt Spaeth were out carousing on the North Shore. Spaeth evidently decided to relieve himself right on the street next to their SUV.  Believe me, female readers, when I say this is not an uncommon thing for men to do.  *Ahem*  The ever vigilant Pittsburgh Police, who evidently wiped the city clean of all robberies, rapes, and murders because whizzing has now taken top priority, were on the scene! SIR, PLEASE UNHAND YOUR JOHNSON AND STEP AWAY FROM THE VEHICLE!!

Good thing that wasn’t Santonio Holmes. The insipid police would’ve thought he was packing heat instead of packing, uh, something else and opened fire.

Anyway, while Spaeth was being ticketed, Skippy went nuts. He jumped out of the vehicle to protest this outrage.  His father was driving, by the way. I point that out for two reasons. One, it shows Skippy is responsible enough to bring along a sober companion as a designated driver. And two, that’s a pretty good son to use his athletic fame to hook his dad up with some groupies.

As Skippy defended Spaeth’s right to pee wherever he wants, the story becomes a bit weird. To quote the cop, “he got into a fighters stance.” Now, I have several really close friends. And I’ve been part of a team. However, I never liked anybody enough to get into a pissing contest, er, physical confrontation over their urinary freedom.

Well, this “fight” went about as you’d expect. Skippy is a kicker, after all. The cop put him in some sort of Brazilian jujitsu arm lock while his partner cuffed him. Good thing that cop wasn’t a paper towel dispenser. Reed would have kicked his ass.

Skippy was given a citation for simple assault, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and public drunkenness although he was released to his father’s custody. They said he smelt of alcohol. NO SHIT!? A crazy belligerent dude with Troll Doll hair who just stumbled out of a bar had been DRINKING!?! Herr Goodell and the NFL Gestapo is reviewing the case so I fully expect the Steelers to be without their kicker for at least one game.

The larger picture here is Skippy’s future. The Steelers won’t change kickers mid-stream but the future is very much in doubt. Reed turned down a token contract offer at the end of preseason. With Piotr Czech waiting in the wings, I have a feeling this incident will be the breaking point for the Steelers. Prepare to see Reed suiting up for a different team in 2010, a team more tolerant of imbecilic behavior.

I’m guessing the Cincinnati Bengals.

Last week, the Pittsburgh Steelers faced off against a downtrodden franchise struggling to climb out of the abyss.  This week, the Steelers face another downtrodden franchise, albeit one that seems to be moving in the opposite direction towards rock bottom.  The stunning ineptitude of the Cleveland Browns has transformed what used to be one of the greatest rivalries in NFL history into the football version of whack-a-mole.

The Browns featured the second-most anemic offensive attack in the league last year.  So what did they do?   They traded Joey Porter‘s BFF Kellen Winslow to Tampa, lost Donte Stallworth to a season-long suspension for killing somebody in a DUI accident, and just recently swapped star WR Braylon Edwards to the Jets for a shoddy bomb casing filled with used pinball machine parts.  That was the second time the Jets took advantage of ex-coach Eric Mangini‘s new team.  They were also the ones who swapped first round picks with Cleveland, allowing them to move up and take rookie sensation QB Mark Sanchez.

QB is one spot the Browns could sorely use right now.  They started the season with the league’s most fabulous quarterback, Brady Quinn.  Quinn was terribly ineffective as, surprisingly, any man-on-man contact seems to make him play like a scared little girl.  Last week, they turned to Derek Anderson, who led the team to a 10-6 record and made an appearance in the Pro Bowl back in 2007.  Anderson responded by leading the team to their first victory of the season despite passing for…   No.  Words cannot justify how pathetic he was last week.  Take a look at his stats for yourself and keep in mind he played a 60 minute game and WON!

The Steelers offense will likely be the same maddening mix of too many passes and not enough runs with a sprinkling of Ben Roethlisberger heroics.  Speaking of the running game, Rashard Mendenhall was ill part of this week while Willie Parker returned to practice.  FWP has a special shoe designed to protect his Turf Toe so he is likely to play on Sunday.  Man, I can’t even get my Chuck Taylor’s in black unless I custom order them.

The defense they will be working against ranked in the bottom quarter of the league each season under former coach Romeo Crennel.  Mangini decided to copy the Steelers switch to a 3-4.  His boneheaded trades brought over a handful of former Jets, including DE Kenyon Coleman and LBs Eric Barton and David Bowens, to upgrade the defensive side of the ball.  They are currently near the bottom in points given up per game and dead last in rushing yards allowed so whomever carries the ball for us is in line for a good day.  At least until Bruce Arians decides to throw 40 yard bombs on every play.

The Steelers D will be welcoming back Troy Polamalu.  Polamalu, who’ll play with a brace on his injured knee, seems confident the injury won’t have any noticeable affect on either his play or shiny full-bodied hair.  The sad state of Cleveland QB play won’t be much of a test.  What will be tested is our suddenly questionable run defense.  With Aaron Smith gone for the year, our best run-stopper is no longer available.  Jamal Lewis piled up 117 yards last week and despite getting up there in years, shows little sign of slowing down.  This will be an interesting warm-up for the law firm of Kirschke, Eason, & Hood before the main event next week in Minnesota.

Last year, the Steelers narrowly defeated a terrible Browns team 10-6 very early in the season.  They did obliterate them in the rematch but as last week in Detroit has shown, “any given Sunday.”   And while I don’t think this Sunday will be given to Cleveland, I do hope to see a good effort from the Steelers.  The schedule only gets tougher from here so if this team has championship potential in them, now is the time to start showing it.

The Pittsburgh Steelers held on to defeat the Detroit Lions 28-20 yesterday afternoon.  I apologize for being late with this recap but, honestly, I have no idea where to start with this one.  We’re more than 1/4 of the way through the 2009 season and there seems to be a Great NFL Divide between the good teams and the bad ones.  At this point, I can’t tell you which category the Steelers belong in.

I knew we were in for a long afternoon when Ben Roethlisberger came out throwing the ball on their first three plays.  Of course, that went nowhere.  Daunte Culpepper then led his Lions down the field, doing most of the work himself with a 32 yard scramble.  A short pass-and-run by Maurice Morris for 16 yards set them up on our 27 yard line where the drive eventually fizzled and they settled for a FG.

I recount that drive because that was basically the story of the game.  The Lions moved the ball.  They eventually shot themselves in the foot, either with a penalty or a sack or some other miscue.  Also, in honor of all the Cancer Awareness this month, head coach Jim Schwartz needs to have his testicles checked to make sure they’re there.  His Cowardly Lion decision making didn’t help Detroit’s cause.  On the aforementioned FG, Will.i.am Gay was offsides (a 5 yard penalty) on the 4th and 5 play.  If you’re coaching a team with one win in two years, you’re playing the Super Bowl champs, and you’re at home (so to speak, half the crowd looked to be wearing Black and Gold), don’t you GO FOR IT?   What is there to lose?

I am shocked at how what was the best defense in the NFL last year can be so poor this year.  Yes, the D only surrendered 13 points.  Yes, they had a season high 7 sacks, including 3 from the resurgent James Harrison and 1.5 from Mister Woodley.  But Detroit’s self-inflicted screw-ups kept the score low.   Against a decent team, a lot of those FGs would have been TDs.

The Lions had 335 yards of offense.  The Steelers had 344.  I repeat, the pitiful one-win Detroit Lions had the same amount of offense as your defending Super Bowl champions.  And that’s not even a fair comparison because the Steeler offense worked against a defense ranked near the bottom of the NFL.  Meanwhile, the Lions piled up yards against the Steelers supposedly great defense despite starting an ancient backup QB and without the services of superstar WR Calvin Johnson.

Which brings me to our offense. Bruce Arians is the dumbest offensive coordinator ever.  Once he decided to run the ball, Rashard Mendenhall was RIPPING THEM UP.  He had about 60 yards on 9 carries(!) at halftime.  So what does Arians do?  He gives him SIX more carries the entire second half.  SIX!?!?!   Mendenhall finished with only 77 yards despite averaging a whopping 5 yards/carry.  Isn’t the fourth quarter, when you’re up by 15 points as the Steeler were, the best time to grind out the clock by RUNNING THE BALL?  Why was he dialing up super-bombs instead?  Can somebody explain this moron’s offensive strategy to me?   Please?

Arians’ passing fetish almost lead to one of the most embarrassing upsets in Steeler history.  Don’t get me wrong, Big Ben (23/37  282 yards) played a decent game.  He connected on some nice short passes and even hit rookie Mike Wallace on a beautiful deep bomb which Wallace unfortunately Sweed-ed to the turf.  He did redeem himself later by coming back to catch an underthrown deep ball for a TD.

Still, the Steelers aren’t the Colts.   Ben is not Peyton Manning.  I’m not saying I wish we had Peyton or that he’s better than Ben.  They are different players with different skills.  The skills Peyton has allow the Colts to throw the ball 40x every game because he throws the ball away to avoid sacks and he doesn’t throw many INTs.  Ben has the tendency to make bad throws, like the Pick Six against the division-leading Bengals and the one he threw yesterday which narrowed the score to 14-13.  And he holds on to the ball like a Reno desk clerk holds on to her semen-stained cowgirl hat.  Sure, Arians was an idiot for calling deep passing plays late in the 4th quarter but Ben has to know the situation and THROW THE BALL AWAY.  Instead, he took three costly sacks over a five play span.

Un-frickin’-believable.

This bit of offensive ineptitude set up what threatened to be another 4th quarter collapse by the Tissue Paper Curtain.  They gave up a 25 yard TD to Dennis Northcutt on a deep pass down the middle where Keiwan Ratliff, who is a cornerback playing safety because we have no decent backups, was badly out of position.  This drive covered 82 yards and took a grand total of THREE MINUTES.  On their next and final drive, Culpepper directed his team all the way to the Steelers 21 yard line before Dick LeBeau had enough and basically ordered them to Kill The Quarterback.

When Troy Polamalu was injured opening day against the Titans, I said not to worry.  I felt we still had so much talent on the defense that missing one player, even one as great as Troy, wasn’t going to affect us that much.  I am now fully prepared to say I was wrong.  Not just wrong, like George Bush Wrong.  Like Roman Polanski Wrong.  Like Pink Roethlisberger Jersey Wrong.  Without Troy, this defense is average at best.  Tyrone Carter sucks.  Ratliff doesn’t know what he’s doing.   Our linebackers can’t drop back into coverage.  And nobody in the secondary can pick off a pass.

I apologize if this recap is sounding more like a Yinzer Rant.  I probably sound like some degenerate gambler who is pissed because Vegas had the Steelers favored by 14 points yesterday.  I am just very very disturbed by the way this team is playing right now.  Detroit is by no means the worst team in the league anymore (hello, Raiders!) but there is no way this game should have been close.  Our offensive philosophy is completely screwed up and our defense is having massive problems in the secondary.  Unless these things get fixed and get fixed soon, we’re going to find ourselves on the wrong side of the Great NFL Divide.