On any given week, I receive a number of messages from people looking to promote something. Most I simply ignore because there’s no benefit for either my readers or this site. Some help keep NPC alive by becoming advertisers. Others, like Crocs or M&Ms, agree to sponsor a contest in exchange for a little publicity. You’d be surprised at the variety of companies I’ve talked with over the past 3 years.

However, Playboy is one word I never expected to see in a subject heading.

I was contacted in regards to Playboy’s 38th annual NFL Preview, which is in their October issue currently on sell online at www.playboydigital.com or at your local newsstand. They asked me to take a look at the story and share some thoughts with my readers. I was a little dubious but impressed by the fact they’ve covered the NFL for thirty-eight years. To think, when they started writing about football, it was back in the dark ages before the Brazilian bikini wax had been invented.

Besides, it’s the first time I could truthfully say I read it for the articles.

Thumbing through the story, I was pleasantly surprised by the coverage, which was a good read, equal to what you’d find in a sports magazine, except the Shannon Twins in bodypaint are a bit more pleasant to look at than Peter King.  Then I got to the post-season predictions.  My blood pressure began to rise while the slight taste of bile welled up in throat.  I shook with anger which is almost physically impossible for a man to do when he’s in the vicinity of naked women.  That’s why strip clubs are the happiest places on earth.

This is what I saw:

“AFC North Champion: Baltimore Ravens

AFC Wild Cards: Pittsburgh Steelers,  Indianapolis Colts”

They predicted the RAVENS will win the North?  The team we beat in humiliating fashion not once, not twice, but THRICE last season?  I can understand picking the New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl.  Tommy Brady is a dreamboat who has probably impregnated several Playmates through the hypnotic power of his chin dimple so that makes sense.  But the Ratbirds will beat out the Steelers?  WTF?!?

I was astounded by this affront to Steeler Nation.  Then I noticed the piece was written by one Rick Gosselin.  A quick google search revealed Gosselin’s day job is a columnist for the Dallas Morning News.  A-HA!  Now it makes sense.  The taste in my mouth quickly subsided as I simultaneously realized what Rick must have been tasting when he wrote the article:  sour grapes.

Here’s hoping Playboy allows the Shannon twins to handle the predictions next time.  I have no idea their qualifications but they’re probably unbiased and Kristina clearly has excellent choice in football teams as well as uniform numbers.  By the way, I would definitely like to see the bodypainting fad catch on since we don’t have cheerleaders and the practice has been dominated by obnoxious frat-boys and 300 pound beer bellied lunatics for far far too long.  Leave it up to Steeler Nation to bring sexy back.

President Barack Obama met with our World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers on Thursday. He immediately displayed his folksy charm by reading some lame prepared remarks, then continued to push his populist agenda by putting the Steelers to work preparing USO care packages. Not that I have anything but the deepest respect for our troops serving overseas but isn’t it kind of tacky to invite the Super Bowl champions over to salute their accomplishments then turn that platform into a lecture on civic duty? This isn’t elementary school for crying out loud.

Conspicuous by his absence was 2008 NFL Defensive Player of the Year and author of the greatest defensive play in Super Bowl history, linebacker James Harrison.

Now perhaps you’ve been living under a rock the past week or perhaps you’re just blissfully unaware of the swirling controversy. In which case, I envy you. For the past week has seen an almost daily media blitz directed at the Silverback. HOW DARE HE NOT GO! HE’S SPITTING ON THE FLAG! COMMIE!

Okay, perhaps I’m exaggerating just a tad. But for the past week, every media outlet from USA Today to ESPN and every talking head on every talk show has seemingly weighed in with his or her opinion on whether James Harrison should have gone to the White House. Which is great, we do enjoy free speech in this country. However the only opinion I care about in this case is that of, oh I don’t know, JAMES HARRISON?

If the man doesn’t want to visit the White House, he doesn’t have to visit the White House. It doesn’t make him unamerican. It doesn’t make him classless. It doesn’t make him immature. It makes him a man, a big scary quarterback killing man, who made a choice. And I have no idea why that’s such a problem for some people.

This entire situation reminds me of the recent controversy over that bubbleheaded bleach blonde Miss America contestant. She supposedly lost the crown when her answer to the question of supporting gay marriage was decidedly not the politically correct one. Look, I’m not taking one side or the other in that debate but she stated her OPINION. When did that become wrong? So am I to understand people should say things they don’t believe or attend functions they have no interest in just because OTHERS think they should? Huh?

When Silverback declared he was going to miss the festivities, the media went into a frenzy trying to figure out why. Let’s be honest, most athletes are meatheads. They don’t go to college to learn, they go to audition for the NFL. So they don’t always explain themselves well and are seldom deep thinkers. Sticking a microphone in front of them and expecting them to give a sound philosophical answer to something that doesn’t need explaining in the first place is a sure recipe for disaster.

And so it was. Harrison said “This is how I feel — if you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don’t win the Super Bowl. As far as I’m concerned, [Obama] would’ve invited Arizona if they had won.” This quote sent the talking heads into overdrive because of the seeming ridiculousness of the logic.

Except it does make sense. Luckily, I speak meathead jock so allow me to translate. Suppose you get an invitation to a wedding or a birthday party. Now suppose instead of the invitation being addressed “Dear Your Name Here” it said “To Whom It May Concern.” Would you still go? The President meets the Super Bowl champion, he doesn’t care what team it is. It’s basically a form letter.  James Harrison doesn’t do form letters.

Then things got more ridiculous when the Rooney Family went into spin control mode. I love the Rooneys but they’re damn lucky the Steelers are the most honorable organization in sports. If they ever had a negative PR issue, they’d be screwed because they are totally inept at handling bad press. They clearly issued an order to their puppets at the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (you may know them as “the sports department”) who then came out with a ridiculous story that Harrison was afraid to fly.  Next you’ll tell me that’s really why Tony Kornheiser left Monday Night Football.

The problem with this story is Harrison flies at least 8-12 times per year during the football season. He also flew to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl. And, um, he played one season in NFL Europe. Do you know how long it takes to fly to Europe? Pretty damn long.  Not to mention D.C. is about 5 hours by car. Well, I can make it in 4 but I tend to see speed limits as more suggestions than rules.

Anyway, that bullcrap story created yet another round of speculation. Look, Harrison didn’t go to see George W. Bush when we won back in ’05 so it’s not a political thing. He just didn’t see the point in wasting his time on an empty promotional fluff piece when weights needed lifted and sprints needed, um, sprinted.  He is an adult and he decided he had no desire to visit a place and meet a man he has no reverence for.  And I have no problem with that.

As long as he keeps sacking the quarterback.

At precisely 12:01 tonight, the first stage of the 2009 NFL season kicks off.  That’s when Free Agency officially begins, sending the league into a wild orgy of cash and courtship.  No doubt the Washington Redskins will be one of the biggest spenders and no doubt they’ll end up on the outside looking in at the playoffs when December rolls around.  And if everything works out for us, Baltimore will lose two of their three starting murderers thugs linebackers so they’ll be even easier to beat every time we play them.

The Pittsburgh Steelers have a number of players about to dip their gnarly toes in the free agent waters.  I thought I’d give a quick rundown of those players and give a bit of commentary on what I think their future holds.

Restricted Free Agents (Steelers can tender them a contract.  Another team can sign them for a higher tender but must surrender a draft pick roughly equal to what pick they were):

OT Willie Colon – One of our worst OL this year.  Hopefully he’ll be pushed by a free agent pick up or early round draft pick because he was truly terrible.  Still, the team needs players and might as well keep him around for a token raise.

CB Anthony Madison - Will likely be in the mix with CB William Gay for one of the starting CB spots next season when McFadden leaves.  Also one of our best special team players.  Most important signing of this group.

FB Sean McHugh - Our best option at fullback since Carey Davis is absolutely useless but must possess pictures of the Rooneys at a Furry Convention or something to be kept on the roster.  Not going to make you forget Moose Johnston anytime soon although without a better choice, gotta keep him.

S Anthony Smith - I guarantee he’ll get a token offer.  I don’t think Tomlin likes him much so it wouldn’t shock me if he walked, though.

Unrestricted Free Agents:

QB Charlie Batch – 35 years old and going into his 11th season.  Actually, it’s more like his 16th because years spent with the Detroit Lions should count extra.  The coaches seem to love him and I predict you’ll see him on our coaching staff when his playing days end.  He’ll probably sign for a pretty cheap price since it appears he wants to ride off into the sunset with his hometown team.  Toss him a meager contract and just pray he can hold it together for the next season or two until Dennis Dixon is ready to take his place.

P Mitch Berger – Hope the ring scores you a ton of poon, Mitch.  We won’t be seeing you kick your magnificent soaring 30 yard punts next year.

CB Fernando Bryant - Washed up.  Looked terrible when he played although he was only signed because of all the injuries to our regular DBs.  We’ll keep his number in our Rolodex but I wouldn’t expect any contract offers from the Steelers or anybody.

OT Trai Essex – The Steelers had a terrible offensive line and this guy couldn’t start on it.  That should tell you his talent level.  I won’t say nobody will sign him because there are some desperate teams out there but I wouldn’t expect much interest.  We’ll probably keep him for a minor raise.

LB Keyaron Fox – Special teams ace.  Probably the best “gunner” we’ve had since Sean Morey left.  Doesn’t seem to have the talent to be a starter so I doubt there will be a ton of bidding on a special teamer.  Probably can keep him for a small raise.

LB Andre Frazier – Another backup.  The thing is, it’s hard to tell how good our backups are because our linebackers are so fantastic, you could be a very good player and be buried on the bench.

OG Chris Kemoeatu - Good riddance.  I expect some desperate team with too much cap room and too little brains to take a flier on him.  He’s all potential.  Kemo has the size and strength which would lead you to believe he’ll be a monster but he never plays up to his expectations.  Some team will look at the potential and think they can coach it out of him.  Better them than us.  Along with Colon, one of our two worst performers on the line who won’t be missed.   Especially if the Steelers can bring in a quality veteran like Indy center Jeff Saturday .

QB Byron Leftwich – Would love to keep him but with QB quality sucking around the league, he’s probably the best QB on the open market.  Some team will dangle a starting position under his nose and he’ll have to jump at it.  Thanks for beating the ‘Skins for us, Byron.

CB Bryant McFadden – Another guy I’m sure many of you desperately want to keep but it won’t happen.  A starting CB on the #1 rated pass defense in the NFL?   He’s going to attract a bidding war and the Steelers never get involved in bidding wars.  Hate to lose him because he seems to finally be coming into his own but not enough cap room and too many holes/contract extensions need addressed to commit $5-6 million to him.  Thanks for the memories, B-Mac.

OT Marvel Smith – Missed most of 2007, had back surgery, then missed most of 2008.  Once a top notch LT, now too many question marks.  Hope he can make a comeback but it will be for another team as it’s time to bid him farewell.

WR Nate Washington – Does the name “Antwaan Randle El” ring any bells?   That was the last #3 receiver the Steelers lost to free agency when some dimwitted team (*cough*Skins*cough*) paid him starter money to be a third down slot guy.  Somebody will make the same mistake with Nate, there are already rumblings the Titans see him as the answer to their lack of a big play reciever.  They’ll be in for a nice surprise the first time he drops a perfectly thrown pass after he breaks free 40 yards down the field.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ll miss Tiffin Thunder but a #3 WR who drops one for every one he catches isn’t that hard to replace.

I asked for babes in bikini tops. Instead we get crazies in Lucha masks. I love Steeler Nation.

And Steeler Nation loves their Pittsburgh Steelers, who convincingly defeated the San Diego Chargers 35-24 in yesterday’s Divisional Playoff. The game wasn’t nearly as close as the final score indicates as the Steelers were in cruise control for almost an entire quarter. In fact, San Diego didn’t show much beyond their opening possession, a brilliant one-handed catch by WR Vincent Jackson who had CB Ike Taylor sticking to him tighter than a wet t-shirt on Scarlett Johansson.

Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians was possessed by the spirit of Ron Earhardt as the Steelers’ game plan completely reverted back to classic Steeler Football instead of the pass happy pseudo-West Coast attack that had been sputtering all season. They ran the ball, you may want to sit down for this, a whopping 46 times. Fast Willie Parker looked like the FWP of old while rushing for 146 yards and 2 touchdowns. They even went back to the I Formation, which Fast Willie whined about several weeks back drawing criticism from head coach Mike Tomlin. Looks like FWP was right.

QB Ben Roethlisberger showed no ill effects from having his brains scrambled in the season finale against Cleveland. He was sharp and accurate with his passes, throwing for only 181 yards but making the plays when they needed to be made. His performance in the third quarter when he made several big third-and-long conversions was a perfect example of his steady leadership. Everybody contributed on the receiving end with Heath Miller scoring the back-breaking touchdown, Tiffin Thunder Nate Washington drawing a big pass interference penalty, and Hines Ward (who really needs to be recognized as a Big Game Player) hauling in 4 for 70, all of which were key catches to keep drives alive.

And then there’s Santonio Holmes. The Steelers return game is below average at best but Holmes picked his spot well. His punt return TD was Pittsburgh’s first score of the game and it appeared to be a very deflating blow to a San Diego team which had been quietly confident up until that point. It was only his second return TD of his career but it was the match which ignited the blast furnace.

Let’s also give some props to the much maligned offensive line. Ben wasn’t so much as coughed on yesterday. The Chargers had 1 sack but that came on a blitz where RB Mewelde Moore failed to pick up the extra pass rusher. The five big boys up front provided a perfect pocket, plenty of time to throw the ball, and gaping holes for the run game.

The third quarter of yesterday’s game was one of the most amazing things you’ll ever see as a football fan. The Chargers ran one play. That’s it. Fifteen minutes, one play. The Steelers, utilizing a ball control grind-it-out offense that we’ve been clamoring for, pounded out an 8 minute drive resulting in a TD. The Chargers got a great return out of midget Darren Sproles and looked like they got some momentum back starting at the Steelers 35. The one and only play was a ball batted skyward by Brett Keisel (who is emerging as a very good player) and picked off by both James Harrison and Larry Foote. The Steelers then ground out another drive which took them to the 4th quarter.

Speaking of the defense, what can I say? Simply the most devastating unit in the NFL. They took media darling Sproles and held the shrimp to a measly 15 yards rushing. FIFTEEN YARDS! He had 300+ last week! They sacked Philip Rivers four times, two of which were courtesy of Mister LaMarr Woodley. Silverback only had one but that was likely because they were mugging him on every play. The Chargers had 280 yards of total offense but close to 100 of that was amassed after the Steelers went up 28-10 and started playing a semi-prevent defense.

On a weekend when every home team coming off a bye lost, the Steelers took care of business on their home turf. Not only did they win, they won emphatically, showing improvement in areas they struggled with during the regular season while continuing to play well in the areas which they have always excelled. Get your bikini tops and Lucha masks ready because the AFC Championship game is coming to Pittsburgh next Sunday. The Steelers look ready, are you?

Strippers beware! Hide your tassels and clear plastic shoes ‘cause Pacman and his Dallas Cowboys are coming to town.

Last year, Dallas had a fantastic regular season, going 13-3, churning out 13 Pro Bowlers, and earning postseason home field advantage only to have all their work undone by QB Tony Romo, a large breasted blonde, and an ill-timed trip to Cabo.  I can relate.

The Cowboys returned stating emphatically on their nauseating “Hard Knocks” series that this year it’s Super Bowl or Bust. But with Terrell Owens being a black hole of team chemistry, Tony Romo’s lack of intestinal fortitude, Wade Phillips looking over his shoulder at coach-in-waiting Jason Garrett, and Pacman Jones being Pacman Jones, the Cowboys are on the outside looking in as all the adversity may be too much for a good team to reach the zenith of professional football.

STEELER DEFENSE vs. COWBOYS OFFENSE

Under the watchful eye of owner/self-promoting jackass Jerry Jones, the Cowboys built an offense which relies heavily on strong-armed QB Romo getting the ball down the field to their big play WRs. Unfortunately, he didn’t account for injuries (a QB being injured in the NFL? SHOCKING!). When Romo went down with a sissy pinky injury, which man-sized QBs like Bret Favre play through but is evidently too crippling for GQ to tolerate, their offense collapsed.

Luckily, Romo is back and seems to have recovered well enough to return the offense to their previous high scoring ways. The big change in offensive philosophy under Phillips was the team going from the Parcells’ theory of controlling the clock to Garrett’s philosophy of trying to score as much as you can as often as you can. Again, a crucial mistake as had they kept a running back centered attack, perhaps they wouldn’t have been stuck behind the 8 Ball when their QB went down.

They have an excellent back in Marion Barber. Of course, their concern was Barber was never a featured back and that his straight-up running style will lead to injuries. That’s why they drafted Felix Jones to take some of the load off, until he went down with a season-ending injury. The concerns about Barber were unfounded until last week when he left the Thanksgiving game with an injured pinky toe. Yep, we’re dealing with a bunch of badasses here, folks.

He’s supposed to play but how effective he’ll be on a gimpy foot when healthy backs can’t do anything against the Steelers stingy run D is a good question. Barber is similar to Brandon Jacobs and the Steelers did a pretty good job on him so stopping another big bruising back probably isn’t a concern.

If you’re going to stop Dallas, you have to remember ABC: Always Be Covering. Patrick Crayton is more of a #3 WR but was elevated to #2 with the exit of Terry Glenn. Realizing their mistake, Jones rescued Roy Williams from that barren wasteland known as Detroit. Out of the approximately 73 WRs the Lions have drafted in the first round, Williams is actually pretty talented although hasn’t made much impact as of yet. When he gets enough reps with Romo, he will be dangerous. Even their 4^th receiver, Miles Austin, is dangerous because he’s got great size (6’3”) and legit 4.3 speed. Not to mention TE Jason Witten had his best year as a pro in 2007, both in pass receiving and blocking.

Can’t See Me Ike Taylor has been the textbook definition of a Shutdown Corner this season, stifling Randy Moss, Braylon Edwards, and T.J. Houshalottaletters among others. T.O. hasn’t really had a T.O.-like season this year but he or any of the Dallas receiving corps can strike at any moment so it’ll be up to our entire secondary to be on their game. I’m pretty sure our 122 pass yards/game average will go up even if everybody plays well but if Ike, Deshea Townshend, and returning Bryant McFadden can prevent the big play, they will have done their job.

Tony Romo takes a lot of crap for his goofy personality and diddling of various blonde bimbos but he’s played very well since taking over the team in 2006. In his 28 starts going into this season, he had 19 games of 90+ QB rating and leads the league in QB rating this year. Of course, the Steelers have faced the 1^st, 3^rd, and 5^th rated passers this season all exited the game broken shells of what they once were. His biggest asset is his pocket presence and accuracy, especially on some of the longer throws. However, he does have a Favreian gunslinger streak which means he tends to gamble and will throw interceptions. He’s also been a bit of a fumbler, especially when he steps up into the pocket, as his ball-handling skills are much like his taste in women; fast and loose. The hellacious Steeler pass rush will need to create havoc in their backfield since the game will turn on whether they can create some turnovers.

STEELER OFFENSE vs. COWBOY DEFENSE

There were much bigger changes on defense being made last year, although most didn’t know it because they kept the 3-4 scheme. The big difference was going from a traditional 2 gap 3-4 scheme to a 1 gap 3-4 scheme that Phillips has used since coaching under his father Bum. The 2 gap scheme is mainly there for stopping the run while the 1 gap scheme is there for attacking the quarterback.

Defensive Coordinator Brian Stewart was under fire during the Cowboys swoon, which led to Wade Phillips allegedly taking over more of the play calling duties. It’s hard to know for sure but the Cowboys went from blitzing 18% of the time under Brian Stewart to 28% of the time in recent weeks so I’m sure there’s some influence by Wade Phillips. While others may get more credit, I think it’s arguable that Wade Phillips may be second to only our legendary Dick Lebeau in terms of being the best D-Coordinator at concocting a pass rush.

His defenses have averaged 45 sacks a season over his 21 year coaching career. Dallas went from 34 sacks in 2006 to 46 in 2007 following his arrival. All of this spells bad news for the Steelers as the one Kryptonite this team has is teams which can get after the QB. The O-line handled a decent San Diego D and totally stymied Belichick’s goon squad so they’ve played better in recent weeks although the pass rushing talent increases exponentially here.

DeMarcus Ware is an absolute beast. He had 14 sacks last year and got screwed on 3 sacks that were called back by calls that the league later apologized for blowing. He struggles a tad in run defense and sometimes over commits trying to get to the passer so one of the Steelers best weapons might be screen passes and draws to Mewelde Moore. He also tweaked something on Thanksgiving, perhaps his big toe, but he is also apparently good to go and it’ll be a huge challenge for either Max Starks or Willie Colon to handle him one-on-one.

Opposite of Ware is Greg Ellis, another accomplished pass rusher. His problem is that he’s horrible in coverage and struggles against the run as an outside linebacker. Miami Dolphin refugee Zach Thomas fills a need because he’s excellent in pass coverage and is a magnet to the ball carrier although he’s getting older and not quite what he once was. This is a very talented LB corps and O-Coordinator Bruce Arians better be coming up with some plans to counteract the pressure they can bring. A good healthy ground game is vital at preventing these guys from pinning their ears back and coming at Ben Roethlisberger full bore.

The greatest defensive weakness on the Cowboys is their secondary. Terence Newman is their best player but he’s been injured for much of the season with groin and abdominal pulls. He’s played recently but the injuries have hampered some of his effectiveness as last year he was one of the best CBs in the league. Mike Jenkins on the other side has been pretty awful. They try to cover for him by rotating coverage but he’s a target anytime he’s one-on-one. Roy Williams and Ken Hamlin are below average in the safety spots. Pacman Jones returns from Last Chance #28 so he should get a good chunk of playing time in the nickel. To be honest, Pacman was an emerging superstar in Tennessee but what I’ve seen of him this year hasn’t impressed me at all. He’s better than your average NFL corner but he’s nowhere near the level he played at before he decided to Make It Rain.

If the line manages to rise up, or the offense can put forth a running attack which forces them to back off, Big Ben could have a very good day throwing the ball against this secondary. Even Arians’ beloved long passes wouldn’t be a bad gamble as anything is possible against this group. I’d look for TE Heath Miller and WR Hines Ward to be the go-to guys early as they work the middle of the field in short possession type throws. But a patented long bomb to Tiffin Thunder Nate Washington would be nice.

Trying to put my bias aside, Dallas is obviously a talented team. Their offense is strong and their defense is solid. They could easily be one of those teams which goes on a hot streak toward the end of the year and then plows through everybody on their way to a Super Bowl victory. But they could just as easily implode as the strong personalities and precarious injury situations have them always on the precipice of disaster. Last week, the Steelers dealt a potentially fatal blow to the Patriots playoff hopes. Nothing would be sweeter than to give Dallas a little taste of that same Black and Gold poison.