Nice Pick, Cowher » tommy gun

A Steeler Decade In Review (Part 2)

chris — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 20:13:05 +0000

2005

At last! After 25 years, the Pittsburgh Steelers finally had one for the thumb.

And they did it the hard way.

Things started badly as both Duce and Bus were hurt in the preseason. That meant starting RB duties fell to a 2nd year undrafted free agent by the name of Willie Parker. Fast Willie introduced himself by rushing for 161 yards in his first game. He added 111 more in his second. The heir apparent to Bettis was finally found.

Still, the team struggled. Big Ben battled injuries necessitating two starts from his backup, Tommy Maddox. The team lost both games with Maddox playing terribly. An overtime loss against Jacksonville saw him throw two interceptions during regulation then fumble a snap in overtime when the team was in game winning FG range. The defense forced a punt so Maddox took matters into his own hands by throwing his third INT, a Pick Six which ended the game.

Steeler fans dumped garbage on his lawn and taunted his two young children after that game in what was the only time I was ever embarrassed to be a member of Steeler Nation.

As of week 13, the Steelers were 7-5 and on the outside looking in at the playoffs. The team then reeled off four straight wins beginning with a defeat of the Bears where Jerome Bettis clobbered supposed All-Pro LB Brian Urlacher. They finished the season 11-5 which was only good for the sixth seed.

I’m sure we all know what happened next. Kimo von Oelhoffen went Kobra Kai on Carson Palmer, sweeping the leg and tearing his ACL. The Steelers beat the #3 seed Bengals to move on to the #1 seeded Colts. They thoroughly outplayed Indy but only Big Ben making The Tackle on Bus’s monumentally ill-timed fumble kept Indy from taking the lead. Karma balanced things out when Indy’s kicker missed the game tying FG. The Steelers then traveled out to Denver and knocked off the #2 seeded Broncos.

In Super Bowl XL, Pittsburgh faced the NFC’s #1 seed, the Seattle Seahawks. The signature play was provided on FWP’s 75 yard TD run early in the second half. However, MVP honors fell to Hines Ward, who caught 5 passes for 123 yards and a TD thrown by the best QB on the field that day, WR Antwaan Randle El. After fourteen long years, Bill Cowher finally won the big one.

Jerome Bettis announced his retirement following the game, a fitting conclusion to the career of one of the all-time greatest Steelers.

2006

The year got off to a bad start when Ben Roethlisberger was sideswiped by some nearsighted old bat while riding his motorcycle. Ben suffered life threatening injuries because he was too stupid to wear a helmet. His entire face had to be reconstructed with screws and Elmer’s Glue. To add insult to injury, a week before the start of the season, he also underwent an emergency appendectomy.

More controversy raged during the preseason when Bettis, in his new role of NBC commentator, mentioned that Cowher told him he wanted to retire after winning the Super Bowl. Evidently he felt he owed it to his players and the Rooneys to come back and defend the title. However, he was burnt out from 15 years of coaching and with a new deal not on the horizon, it became more and more apparent this was his swan song with the Steelers.

The team won their first game with Charlie Batch filling in capably. Then they rushed Ben back for a Monday nighter in Jacksonville. Ben looked horrible and despite a superior defensive effort the team lost 9-0. Between the appendix operation and brain damage from the motorcycle accident, Ben was a shadow of himself most of the season. They also lost to a Raiders team which would only win two lousy games that year. At 2-6 at the mid-season point, hopes for a Super Bowl repeat were gone.

Still, the team rallied like champions and went 6-2 down the stretch. Playing the last few weeks under Cowher’s mantra of “Misery loves company,” they provided a little of that misery to the Bengals in the final game of the season. Cincy needed to win to make the postseason while the Steelers had no motivation but to send their coach out a winner. Which they did thanks to a 67 yard TD in OT by Santonio Holmes.

2007

Little known defensive coordinator Mike Tomlin was introduced as the Steelers new head coach. He immediately established his authority by refusing to let Casey Hampton practice or play until he lost weight. The veterans may not have liked him but he certainly got their attention. After the team faded badly down the stretch, some players grumbled it was a result of such a tough training camp.

Boo hoo.

The defense lost a ton of swagger when Joey Porter was released during the preseason. Peezy was a controversial and colorful character but he was also a ferocious linebacker in the true Steeler tradition. Of course his replacement, James Harrison, was no slouch either. In fact, had Joey not gotten thrown out of a game against Cleveland in pregame warmups, Silverback may have never gotten a chance to show the NFL what he could do.

The team roared out of the gate to a 9-3 record. Then safety Anthony Smith issued his infamous “guarantee” that they’d beat the Patriots. Tom Brady responded by torturing him for two long TD passes then talking trash. Smith got burned the next week as his big mouth wrote checks his meager abilities couldn’t cash and the team quickly lost two straight.

Things went further downhill when DE Aaron Smith was lost for the season. When he went down, the Steelers run defense went right along with him. Meanwhile, FWP broke his leg in the second to last game of the year. Parker was leading the NFL in rushing at the time and losing him pretty much wrecked our offense.

The team was one-and-done against Jacksonville. They fell behind early but mounted a comeback which was repeatedly sabotaged by Tomlin’s boneheaded insistence on going for 2 pt conversions. Still, who knows what would’ve happened if the refs hadn’t missed about four holding penalties on David Garrard‘s first down scramble that set Jacksonville up to kick the winning FG. The NFL director of officials apologized for the botch job after the game. But I thought the calls always went the Steelers way?

2008

Since we’re only one year removed, I’ll spare you a detailed recap. Suffice it to say, this year featured one of the best single season defensive efforts in history. Dick LeBeau and his men were either first or second in every major defensive category. Time and time again, Blitzburgh would create a big turnover or stop the opposition cold in their tracks. Combined with clutch last-second heroics from Big Ben, the season was about as exciting as any you’ll ever see.

Unfortunately, one very important member of Steeler Nation wasn’t here to see it. The year began on a sad note when the great Myron Cope passed away. The man who invented the Terrible Towel was surely looking down with an emphatic “YOI! DOUBLE YOI!” as the Steelers tore through the hardest schedule given any team in the past 30 years.

In the playoffs, the Steelers faced the Ratbirds for a third time. Three wins against our most hated enemy is nice enough but doing so for the right to play in the Super Bowl made it all the sweeter. In the big game, the Steelers faced the man who was their offensive coordinator in Super Bowl XL. Ken Whisenhunt and his Arizona Cardinals were a surprise entrant but they were a worthy opponent. The two teams played what is widely regarded as the most exciting Super Bowl ever. Only a last minute toe-dragging catch by MVP Santonio Holmes ensured that the season end on a high note. Get it, HIGH note?

2009

Which brings us to this year. Of course, no post Super Bowl off-season is complete without some Ben Roethlisberger drama. This time, it came in the form of a rape accusation by a cowboy hat wearing desk clerk out in Reno.

To further incur the Football Gods wrath, the folks at EA Sports put Troy Polamalu on the cover of their video game. The Madden Curse struck immediately as Troy was injured in the Steelers very first game. He came back briefly but this season has been a total write-off as far as he’s concerned.

Still, this squad got off to an excellent 6-2 start. Then the wheels fell off. Losses to three of the worst teams in the league mixed with a sweep by the Bengals. Ben was concussed in an OT loss to KC. Hines Ward went on national tv and called his QB a sissy. Tomlin issued threats and ultimatums which his team ignored. The defense couldn’t hold a lead while the offense repeatedly failed in the red zone. Ryan Clark accused the 400,000 fans who came to cheer him on just 10 months earlier of being “fairweather.” Losses mounted until the streak reached five straight. Only a slight rebound toward the end of the year has kept the team’s slim playoff hopes alive.

It’s looking like the decade will end much like it began. With the Steelers on the edge of greatness, searching for that missing player or two that will put them back into serious championship contention.

Still, two Super Bowl championships in four years and multiple playoff games made this an exciting time to be a Steeler fan. Without a doubt this was the best decade for the Black and Gold since the 1970′s. I’m sure we appreciate this team giving us memories we’ll carry for a lifetime. Here’s looking forward to more yet to come!

A Steeler Decade In Review (Part 1)

chris — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 01:12:06 +0000

With 2010 a couple days away, people tend to reflect back at what the past twelve months have brought them. This January 1st is particularly special in that it also marks the start of a new decade. Instead of making a list of the best of this or All-Decade that, I thought I’d just take a look at what the past ten years have meant to the Pittsburgh Steelers. It’s almost hard to believe when the Aughts (or 00′s) began, the team was mired in three consecutive losing seasons and hadn’t won a Super Bowl in twenty years.

2000

This marked the Steelers final season in Three Rivers Stadium.

The team began the year with the Kent Graham Experiment. Graham, a journeyman backup quarterback who spent most of his career with the Giants, was inexplicably signed to a big money free agent deal to replace the struggling Kordell Stewart. He had a mediocre start as the the Steelers were 0-3 under his leadership until getting injured. Kordell replaced him and reeled off two straight wins before returning to the bench. Somehow, the Steelers won the next two games despite Graham completing a grand total of 16 passes.

Stewart was given his job back and finished out the year as starter. The team went 9-7, ending their streak of three consecutive losing seasons. Thanks to a decent defense led by Joey Porter and Jason Gildon and 1,350 rushing yards from Jerome Bettis, old Three Rivers went out a winner.

2001

The Steelers welcomed Heinz Field by going 13-3 and hosting the AFC Championship Game. 2001 was Slash’s final shining moment in the Black and Gold. After almost losing his job the year before, he managed to conjure up the days when he was the most exciting player in the NFL.

When the year was over, Kordell would pass for 3,100 yards, rush for 500, and score 19 total touchdowns. Hines Ward and Plaxico Burress each had 1,000 yard seasons receiving. They were aided by the Bus, who would have his final 1,000 yard season, and Chris Fuamatu-Ma’afala, one of the many heir apparents the Steelers tried to find for Bettis.

The Steelers bounced the defending Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens out of the playoffs in the first round. Thus began a decade long trend of the Steelers torturing the poor Ratbirds in games that actually meant something. In the Championship game, the Steelers knocked a spunky youngster named Tom Brady out of the game. Drew Bledsoe came off the bench to toss a TD pass that would eventually be the difference in the game.

2002

The previous year saw WWE owner Vince McMahon think to himself, “Hmmm, I’m great at marketing oiled up meatheads in teeny tiny swimming trunks fake fighting with each other. I know! I’ll start a football league!” The XFL was an abject failure and went away after one season. However, the league MVP, Tommy Maddox, went on to sign with the Steelers.

Maddox was a first round draft pick of the Denver Broncos way back in 1992. They planned to make him the successor to John Elway. Except Elway pulled a Favre and refused to retire. Good for Denver, because he ended up winning two Super Bowls late in his career. Maddox was considered a washout and was actually selling insurance for a living when Vinnie Mac gave him a call.

Stewart began the season as starter but played terribly. After losing the first two games and looking bad while squeaking by the Browns in OT, Bill Cowher had seen enough. He pulled Kordell in favor of Maddox marking the end of Slash’s career in Pittsburgh. Maddox lead the team to a 10-5-1 record (yes, a tie).

Elsewhere, Bettis was struggling with injuries as his days as the primary back were rapidly coming to an end. West Virginia product Amos Zereoue stepped in to do a nice job in his absence. It would be the lone highlight of Zereoue’s NFL career. Believe it or not, today he’s a chef at a fancy restaurant which bears his name.

The Steelers managed to win the AFC North that year. In the first round, they played the Cleveland Browns in one of the best playoff games ever. The Browns were up 24-14 in the fourth quarter and all they had to do was run out the clock. However, the Browns had an offensive coordinator by the name of Bruce Arians. Foolishly chucking the ball 40+ times gave the Steelers time to explode for 22 points in pulling off a 36-33 victory.

In the next round, they faced the late Steve McNair and his Tennesee Titans. This game will forever be known as The Joe Nedney Game. The teams battled into overtime where Nedney missed a 30 yard field goal but Steelers CB Dewayne Washington brushed up against his calf trying to block it. Nedney hit the turf, rolling around like he just got decked by Chuck Liddell. The refs threw a flag, giving Nedney a second chance to win the game.

2003

File ’03 under “Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” The Steelers had a weak running attack with Bettis battling injuries and age while newly anointed starter Zereoue quickly flamed out. So what did they decide to do?

AIR IT OUT!

This was the year of the Tommy Gun Offense. The Steelers let Maddox throw early and throw often. He ended up with 3,500 yards passing but a terrible 18/17 TD-to-INT ratio. And the team finished a miserable 6-10.

Although there was hope on the horizon in the form of a wild haired human missile out of USC who spent most of the year on special teams because he had trouble figuring out the Steelers’ complicated defense.

2004

The Steelers parlayed the misery of ’03 into a first round draft pick by the name of Ben Roethlisberger. While everybody was fighting over Eli Manning and Philip Rivers, the Steelers sat back and waited for Big Ben to fall into their laps. For those wondering where I got the name of my site, there was a great NFL end of season commercial showing two actors playing Steeler fans. They were watching the draft and after Ben’s name was called one fan asks, “Roethlis…who?“ to which the other answers sarcastically, “Nice pick, Cowher!”

Man, how different does Ben look?

Anyway, Maddox was supposed to play the year while Ben sat and learned. Unfortunately, he was hurt in the second game of the season, a loss to the Ratbirds. Ben stepped in and reeled off fifteen straight victories. Among those wins were back-to-back triumphs over undefeated teams, first ending the Patriots 18 game winning streak then humbling the Iggles.

Ben was supported by a rejuvenated running game. The Steelers signed their last big name free agent by luring Duce Staley from the Eagles. Staley had 830 yards on the season while the Bus added another 941 plus 13 TDS. The Steelers also benefitted by rehiring Dick LeBeau, who had left the team earlier in the decade to become head coach of the Bengals. With LeBeau as defensive coordinator and the ground game clicking, the Steelers made it to another AFC Championship game where they were defeated by Peepin’ Bill Belichick and his Spycam loving Patriots.

The loss was followed by a pair of good byes. Burress, an uber-talented headcase, departed via free agency. The Steelers shed no tears over that development. Tears did fall when Myron Cope, the voice of Steeler Nation for 35 years, announced his retirement. There’ll never be another one like you, Cope.

Eat Like A Champion (And Maybe Meet One)

chris — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:09:26 +0000

Pittsburgh has a long history of athlete-endorsed food products. There were Louis Lipps‘ uber-delicious Lippsmacker cookies. Bubby Brister had the Bubby Bar. Not to be outdone, Mario Lemieux countered with his unfortunately named Mario Bun. I even remember Terry Bradshaw Peanut Butter. My mother claims it was the only PB I’d accept with my J back when I was a wee lad.

I’ve been a diehard Steelers fan a loooooong time.

City of Champions Cereal is the newest entry on that list. The box, featuring Hines Ward and Max Talbot on alternate sides, will be available exclusively at local Giant Eagle stores in mid November. For the out-of-towners, you can also order this fine product directly from the PLB Sports website beginning November 9th. Heck, order some Big Ben Beef Jerky while you’re at it. You can never have enough beef jerky.

Now, let’s get down to the reason I’m giving PLB Sports this free publicity. First, they’re a well-respected company probably most famous for producing Flutie Flakes. And more importantly, they’re having a contest. Everybody knows I love a contest.

Anyway, PLB Sports will be having a press conference on November 24th to promote City of Champions Cereal. The are giving YOU a chance to attend this press conference. Why is that a prize?

How about because both box boys, Hines and Max, will be at this press conference. Live and in person. And you are guaranteed to receive a box of cereal autographed by both of them! In addition, Hines and Max have a reputation of being two of Pittsburgh’s nicest athletes so, time permitting of course, you’ll get a chance to have a few moments of face time with them after the press conference is over.

Unfortunately, there will be no guessing of a score to win this awesome opportunity. PLB Sports is running the contest themselves, I am merely a humble messenger. If you’d like to enter, first make sure you’re either in Pittsburgh or able to get to the ‘Burgh on November 24th. Mooch off your relatives if you have to, that’s what they’re here for.

All the official rules and legal mumbo jumbo can found here. Once you know you can make it, there are two ways to enter the contest. You may enter both ways, but only ONCE each.

1. Send an email to info@plbsports.com with the headline (City of Champions Cereal). The entrant should write their name, age, telephone number, and how you found out about the Contest.

2. Follow PLB Sports on Twitter (@plbsports) and send them a reply which states “enter me in the contest #cityofchampions”

The contest will run from today until November 19th so get those entries in! PLB has generously extended me the chance to cover the press conference so, work permitting, I may be there to fulfill my bloggy duties. In fact, I feel a cold coming on as we speak. Hope to see you there!

Fixing The Steelers Offense

chris — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:12:53 +0000

I’m turning over a new leaf.

After stewing over Sunday’s embarrassing loss to the Indianapolis Colts, I’ve decided to stop dwelling on the negative. There’s no point in rehashing the past. What’s done is done and we must march onward toward the future.

I think I’ve watched one too many Mike Tomlin press conferences.

Anyway, instead of criticizing what’s gone horribly wrong with the Pittsburgh Steelers, I’m going to try and help them. From now on, this blog will be solutions oriented. Obviously, Tomlin and Offensive Coordinator Bruce Arians need all the help they can get. I may have never coached one down of football at any level but I kick all kinds of ass when it comes to designing plays on Madden ’09 so I feel qualified to offer my advice. Arians probably blows at video games.

With that in mind, I’ve devised four easy-to-implement solutions which can’t help but drastically improve our offensive play.

1 – Establish Identity

The Steelers have been a running team going all the way back to the Dynasty teams of the 70’s. Ball control, grind-it-out offenses which throw the ball only as a complement to the ground game. There was a brief period when Jerome Bettis was hurt and our backups stunk where we became a high-powered run-and-gun offense under Tommy Maddox but that didn’t last long. And it wasn’t too successful either.

Over half way through this season and does anybody know what kind of offense we are?

We currently rank 24^th in rushing offense. Think about that. We’re currently behind the Kansas City Chiefs and Seattle Seahawks if both total yards and average/game. Clearly we’re not a running team.

Maybe we’re a passing team. Hmmm… Well what do you know? We’re ranked a stunning 24^th in that category, too. Right behind the high-powered attacks of the Detroit Lions and San Francisco 49ers. Guess we’re not much of a passing team either.

I’m sure some people will point to our injury situation this year. Those people are idiots. Every team has injuries and unless you’re ineptly coached or poorly managed, you should be able to work through them. Sometimes that means finding new players. Sometimes that means finding new strategies. Blaming poor play on injuries is just the ultimate in excuse making for homers in denial.

The Patriots were a high-powered aerial attack under Tom Brady. He was lost for the season, then they lost not only their starting running back but his backup as well. Guess what? They’re 7^th in rushing offense this season using an undrafted free agent who was 4^th on their depth chart at the start of the year. Yet they’re winning using a primarily running based offense because that’s what works best with their current personnel.

Mewelde Moore is a more than capable back. Gary Russell has looked decent when given a chance. Our line doesn’t always excel at run blocking but that’s the kind of thing which tends to improve with repetition. There is no reason we shouldn’t be able to go back to old fashioned Steeler football. For that to happen, however, a commitment has to be made to the run. That means no more of this one carry and then two passes crap. You have to keep feeding the backs even if the first few carries don’t net many yards.

2 – Throw It Away

Ben Roethlisberger is a magician. He has escaped sure doom to make a big play more often than any QB not named Flutie. However, he has to be smarter when it comes to time and place.

The Steelers only had 2 sacks on Peyton Manning last week. One reason is when he felt the heat bearing down on him, he’d throw the ball away. Does anybody remember the last time they’ve seen Big Ben do this? I honestly can’t.

He tries to save EVERY play. That’s either extremely confident or stupidly cocky. In any case, it’s hurting the team more than helping. When it’s the first half and you’re facing a 2^nd and 10, there is no harm in throwing the ball away so you may live to fight another play. How many times this season has Ben faced this situation and while twisting and turning like Urkel on the dance floor, he ends up taking a seven yard sack? If he learned to throw the ball away, we’d have a lot more 3^rd and 6’s instead of 3^rd and 14’s.

Obviously, if the team is down by 10 in the 4^th quarter, sure you try to make something happen. If it’s 3^rd down at midfield, sure you try to make something happen. But if you’re nursing a 3 point lead deep in your territory, that is not the time to take chances. Be smart.

3 – Start The QB Who Can Make All The Throws

The Tiffin Thunderbolt Nate Washington caught a bomb to break the game open against the Bengals. He caught another one to break it open against the Redskins. Last week? Nada. Know why?

The answer can be found in the Post-Gazette’s Notebook item on Ben:

The quarterback threw with limited effectiveness in drills and had ice applied to his right shoulder before leaving the practice field.

He didn’t hit Nate deep because he couldn’t throw deep. Why the hell would you start a QB if you know he can’t make all the throws? That’s ridiculous. If they want a guy who can’t get the ball more than 20 yards down the field under center, they should’ve signed Chad Pennington instead of Byron Leftwich.

Determine exactly what Ben’s injury situation will allow him to do. If he can play up to his normal level or reasonably close, start him. If he can’t, he sits. Simple as that.

4 – Simplify Schemes

Let’s be honest, athletes are not the brightest bulbs on the tree. One of the reasons given for Ben’s tremendous season last year was the fact Arians supposedly simplified a lot of the playbook he inherited from Ken Whisenhunt.

The terminology might be easier to remember but the schemes appear to be more complex than ever. There’s always an occasional miscommunication between receiver and QB. We all know it when it happens but only a douche like Neil O’Donnell throws their teammate under the bus publicly.

This year, however, there seems to be a degree of confusion which extends beyond the occasional. I often see two receivers running oddly similar routes. Other times I see them making complicated dekes, bobs, and curls which would make Sidney Crosby jealous. And there have been a lot of times where throws have gone to one spot while the wide out has gone to another.

Our line takes a lot of heat and they are definitely weak. But anybody who knows the basics of football knows a QB only has an average of 3-4 seconds to drop back and let the ball go. Provided you can count that high, time them yourself the next time you see them play and you’ll realize except for on all-out blitzes, the line usually provides that much time.

They have given Ben a chance to step up and throw the ball on a fairly consistent basis. The problem has been the 3 seconds of time they allot the QB hasn’t been enough to allow the complicated routes to develop. By the time the WR is in position and Ben has spotted them, he’s got a guy in his face.

The reason the offense tends to look much better in No Huddle situations is because that’s when you’re dealing with a very simple and limited set of plays. They are just basic formations and routes and everything is quick hits. That’s what we need to see more of, not just in Two Minute Drills, but in any passing situation.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to draw up a few tricky Wildcat type plays for the sadly unused Dennis Dixon.

Hating On Cleveland Is Way Too Easy

chris — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 07:30:40 +0000

I hate the Browns.

Being born and raised in Pittsburgh, the mere mention of the name “Cleveland” has made my blood boil for as long as I can remember. I hate Cleveland. My father hates Cleveland. My three uncles, two aunts, four cousins, and sweet grey-haired grandmother all hate Cleveland, too.

The damn thing is, I don’t know why.

Don’t yell at me and don’t threaten to revoke my membership to Steeler Nation. Just hear me out. All our lives we’ve been conditioned to hate Cleveland. We’ve been told they’re the mortal enemy. We’ve been told the Browns and the Steelers are one of the great rivalries in all of sports.

Well, let’s look at some other great rivalries. Red Sox-Yankees. Lakers-Celtics. Ohio State-Michigan. Maple Leafs-Canadiens. Hmmm… You know what they all have in common? The rivalry usually involves two equally prestigious franchises who are competing for a championship. The Yankees prevented the Sox from reaching the Series and prolonged the Curse until recent years when the tables have turned. OSU and Michigan often stood in each other’s way of a #1 ranking. The Lakers and Celtics met in the NBA finals five times. Toronto and Montreal dominated the NHL for over a decade, trading Lord Stanley’s Cup between themselves.

What championship has Cleveland ever cost Pittsburgh? When have the lowly Browns ever stood in the way of our mighty Steelers? How are they even remotely considered to be on the same level? I can’t remember one crucial game between the two teams which was won by the Browns. Oh, they gave it a shot a few years ago in a Wild Card playoff game but the rifle-arm heroics of QB Tommy Maddox prevented any disruption in the natural order of things.

I once read that the Pittsburgh Pirates are desperate to get the Cleveland Indians declared their “natural rival” so they can be sure to play them every season. I don’t understand this at all. I mean, I understand there are only so many cheap bobbleheads and 80’s hair bands they can bring to PNC Park to entice people to go and watch what is laughingly called a major league baseball team but why would even the most diehard yinzer fall for this? What is there to hate about the Indians? They’ve admittedly fared better than the Pirates in recent years but that’s like challenging a group of retarded kids to a chess match and then bragging when you beat them. And it’s not like the Indians have really accomplished much of anything recently. Their last World Series win was back in 1948 and they haven’t made it to October since 1954. At least the Buccos can say they won titles in 1960, 1971, and 1979.

Cleveland doesn’t have an NHL franchise and we don’t have an NBA team so we’ll call that a push. Except their Cleveland Cavaliers have been around since 1970 and won a grand total of ZERO titles while our Penguins have won twice. Technically, the score in professional basketball championships is actually Pittsburgh – 1 Cleveland – 0 as the Pittsburgh Pipers won the ABA (American Basketball Association) championship way back in 1967 and might have won it again in 1969 had they signed sharpshooting free agent point guard Jackie Moon.

The more I think about it, the less sense this whole “rivalry” with Cleveland makes. The Steelers won 5 Super Bowls and made the playoffs 12 of the last 15 years. The Browns are among only a handful of NFL teams to never appear in a Super Bowl and didn’t even have a team 12 of the last 15 years. Their franchise was moved to Baltimore, a city known as one of the most crime and drug-infested in the entire country. How bad is your city when that seems like an attractive alternative? We’ve had a line of great quarterbacks from Terry Bradshaw to Kordell Stewart to Ben Roethlisberger. They’ve had Bernie Kosar, Vinny Testaverde, and Charlie Frye. We had the Emperor Chuck Knoll. They had Bill Belichick and his entire A/V Club of Doom and still couldn’t win anything. We have the Terrible Towel and the most loyal fanbase in the entire NFL. They have a bunch of drunken buffoons in latex German Shepard masks. About the only thing we have in common is neither team has cheerleaders. For the Steelers, it’s a statement that our fans don’t need anybody enticing them to cheer. For the Browns, it’s due to the simple fact you can’t find 12 attractive women in Cleveland.

You may read this article and think I’m being overly harsh on Cleveland. You may even think some of these shots are of the cheap variety. However, that is honestly not my intent. I’m not trying to bash the people of Cleveland. Lord knows living there is enough of a cross to bear. No, the purpose of this post is to actually put the rivalry to rest. Sure, it will still be fun to play (and beat) them twice a year but let’s not do it with hatred in our hearts. We should save that for those who really deserve it.