The city of Pittsburgh is known for many things. Pierogies and Iron City Beer. The Three Rivers and steel mills. Being named both Friendliest City and City of Champions. And it’s quickly gaining another reputation.

Home to the worst offensive coordinators in all of football.

Members of Steeler Nation are already familiar with the various crimes against offensive football committed by Bruce Arians. His schemes and game plans are positively Wile E. Coyote-like in their elaborate design and penchant for failure. But there’s another inept playcaller roaming the sidelines in Pittsburgh. His name is Matt Cavanaugh and he’s OC for the University of Pittsburgh.

Perhaps you had nothing better to do but tune into the Sun Bowl on New Year’s Eve. If you did, what you witnessed was football being set back roughly fifty years. That’s not a joke. The last time a game ended with a score of 3-0 was approximately fifty years ago in a game which may or may not have been coached by Pop Warner.

The point is it was an embarrassing performance which disgraced the team, the university, and the city of Pittsburgh. I’ve been hard on head coach Dave Wannstedt on these pages before but this game made me realize what it must feel like to be a Raider fan. The game plan was slightly less crazy than pissing in the wind, the adjustments were non-existent, and smart coaching decisions were totally absent. In short, I’d like to know what Wannstache was doing on the sideline because it doesn’t appear he was watching the game.

In a game plan which was about as useful as a shoddy bomb casing filled with used pinball machine parts, the Panthers decided to run superstar RB Shady McCoy left, then right, then left again, then up the middle for good measure. Unfortunately, Oregon State was aware of this ingenious strategy and stacked the line to stop him. Here is where it gets good. Instead of, oh, throwing some short passes and/or screens to loosen things up, Cavanaugh kept dialing up long bomb after long bomb. Great idea if you have a strapping rifle-armed gunslinger under center…a slight problem when you have noodle-armed Bill Stull and a howling wind.

No offense to Stull because I’m sure he tried his best but when you go 7 for 24 in a bowl game, you have no business starting. Pittsburgh is home to many great quarterbacks and I can’t figure out why Pitt hasn’t been able to find a decent one since Dan Marino back in 1982. Seriously, Rod Rutherford? Tyler Palko? Dirty Pete Gonzalez?

Two seasons ago, I remember counting not one not two but THREE QBs starting for NFL teams who went to high school in the Pittsburgh area. This season there’s rookie sensation Joe Flacco, who transferred out of Pitt due to recruiting politics. Local legend Terrell Pryor didn’t even CONSIDER Pitt which is embarrassing when you learn his final choices came down to Ohio State and Penn State. How inept is Wannstache that he can’t out-recruit a 98 year old man?  I mean, if he’s not a great recruiter and we’ve seen he’s not a brilliant game strategist, why exactly did they hire him?

I can’t understand why, with all the attention given to high school football and Friday Night Lights around here, Pitt year in and year out suffers from mediocre to downright rotten QB play. Last year when Stull was hurt, two highly touted recruits got a chance to play and both proceeded to blow. Of course the freshman, Pat Bostick, did play well in limited work this year so maybe there’s some hope on the horizon. The fact Wannstedt didn’t put him in the game at the beginning of the second half was both an insult to him and to any fan who paid hard earned money to travel to Arizona only to see the Stache make zero effort to win the game.

Unless you count a 58 yard FG attempt an honest attempt at victory.

So ends another college football season around these parts. Pitt finishes with 9 wins which means they fell short of the double digit plateau yet again. In fact, the last time they had 10 wins was… 1982! Funny how that works, huh?

Reminder:  Get your guesses in for the NPC Crocs Giveaway Contest. They’re sweet looking shoes for you to wear or re-gift them to the Steeler Fan in your life.  Best of all, as of now, you stand a 1 in 4 chance of winning.

I love football.

I can sit down and watch any game any time.  High school, college, NFL, CFL…  I even went to an Arena game back when Pittsburgh still had the Gladiators.  So I’m not surprised when I receive emails me asking why I don’t cover the University of Pittsburgh.  Many of you probably don’t remember way back in September when I wrote my one and only post on Pitt, it was the day after I went to Heinz to see them play Bowling Green.

Yep, that game.

Don’t misunderstand.  It’s not that I don’t follow Pitt because I only follow teams that win.  I don’t follow Pitt because they’re like the smokin’ hot girlfriend who keeps promising tonight will be the night but when the date is over you always go home sad, angry, and incredibly frustrated.  They’re the ultimate tease.

If Pitt simply stunk, I could live with it.  But they always acquire a decent crop of talent which one expects to produce on the field.  Pretty much every year Pitt has a player taken in the first round of the NFL draft.  The best wide receiver in the league (Larry Fitzgerald) went to Pitt.  One of the best young shutdown CBs went to Pitt (Darrelle Revis).  A rookie (Jeff Otah) starting for one of the best OLs in football (300 total yards rushing last week), you get the picture.  This year they featured a future first round RB (Shady McCoy) and WR (Jonathan Baldwin) while playing in the weakest conference in the NCAA.  Yet the best they could manage was 9-3.

Dave Wannstedt is a terrible coach.  I realize the alumni love him because of his sexy NFL credentials but failing at a high level is not an accomplishment because failure is still failure.  He was wretched as head coach of the Chicago Bears.  He was even worse as head coach of the Miami Dolphins.  And then there’s Pitt.  I’ll give him credit for recruiting well but his glossy credentials should entice good players to come here.  His enduring failure is his continuing inability to coach the talent he puts on the field.  He and Bill Cowher are both local boys who made good, but where Bill always got the most out of players, Wannastache routinely gets less.  He’s the Anti-Cowher.

Which brings me to this week’s showdown with the Baltimore Ravens.  Since 2000, the Ravens have been known for two things:  a devastating defense and an inept offense.  Even when they won the Super Bowl back in 2000, it was in spite of their offense.  By all rights, that defensive unit should’ve won more than one Super Bowl.  Of course, good offense starts with a good quarterback and any team under the leadership of the likes of Tony Banks, Trent Dilfer, Anthony Wright, Elvis Grbac, Steve McNair, and Kyle Boller doesn’t fill that requirement.

However, it appears Baltimore’s decade long drought has ended this year when the Ravens became one of the prime beneficiaries of Wannstedt’s stupidity.  They’re currently led by a tall, strong-armed kid named Joe Flacco.

Flacco was drafted in the latter half of the first round, mostly because scouts questioned if he had big time ability coming out of a small time program at Delaware.  It didn’t have to be that way, though.  Flacco, you see, began his college career at Pitt.  Unfortunately, the thrilling heroics of Tyler Palko and Bill Stull were too much for him to overcome leading him to transfer out.

Had Wannstedt not been absolutely inept at constructing a winning football team, he might’ve played Flacco.  And maybe Pitt, with some decent QB play for once, might’ve won a few games.  Maybe even went to a real Bowl and not the Summer’s Eve Maxi Bowl or wherever mediocre teams end up.  Most importantly, if Flacco had played well for Pitt, he might’ve been a top ten (perhaps even top five) draft pick, where the Ravens couldn’t get him.  So in a beautiful non-Wannstedtian world, Flacco is slinging passes for Detroit right now while the Ravens are 6-7 under the leadership of Troy Smith.

Unfortunately, we don’t live in that world.  In our world, Flacco is a Raven.  And his Ravens are 9-4, one game behind the Steelers in the AFC North.  In their first meeting this season, it was a brutal affair which resembled the opening scene in “Saving Private Ryan” more than a professonal football game until coming to a merciful end in OT.  This will be a similarly hard-hitting affair, although whatever the outcome the Ravens appear to have reestablished themselves as a force to be reckoned with.

You’re welcome, Baltimore.

Saturday was a sad day in Steel Town.  The beauty of football is that every Fall you’re entitled to dream about what future glories might lie ahead for your favorite team.  Of course, those of us in Pittsburgh are entitled to dream a little longer and a little harder than say the unfortunate souls living in Cleveland.  But we all dream, at least until the harsh cold hand of reality smacks us upside the head.

Reality was the word of the day around the ‘Burgh on Saturday as the dream of pigskin glory ended for a great number of people, both fans and players alike.

—-  The Pittsburgh Steelers made their final roster cuts of the preseason.  The most notable of the newly unemployed was WR Willie Reid.  A third round draft choice in 2006, Reid never became the electrifying punt returner he was tabbed as coming out of college.  With the addition of Limas Sweed, it came down to Reid vs. Dallas Baker for the 4th WR slot which Baker evidently won due to his size (6’3) moreso than his ability.  In fact, neither Baker nor Sweed looked particularly capable in the final preseason game (Sweed had 2 really bad drops) so this move is both risky and surprising.

Also on the cut list were DE Ryan McBean, who played some last year but was only notable because his last name is eerily similar to our stupid mascot’s.  It was a bad day for Ryans as S Ryan Mundy, a local Woodland Hills product, was waived due to being injured early on in camp and never showing much of anything.  He might be signed to the practice squad otherwise I’d look for him on Jon Bon Jovi‘s Arena Football team next year.  And in the epic Battle of the Punters, the guy with the dorky sounding name got beat out by the guy with the fruity sounding one.   So prepare yourself Steeler Nation, for this year the mighty Mitch Berger will be booting the ball when Big Ben and the offense sputters.

Finally, QB Charlie Batch’s dream of another year backing up Ben Roethlisberger ended when he was placed on IR, thus ending his season.   Newly svelte Byron Leftwich will be our #2 man this season with exciting rookie Dennis Dixon in the #3 slot.  This works out well for Pittsburgh as if Leftwich shows anything this year, he’ll move along for a potential starting job next year leaving the returning Batch to battle the rapidly improving (and quite impressive) Dixon for the backup job.

—-  The Pitt Panthers also began their college football season yesterday.  And, true to form, whenever head coach Dave Wannestedt is handed a good thing, he finds a way to mess it up.  After 25 years of misery, the University of Pittsburgh had high hopes this year might be something special.  They were ranked anywhere from 19th to 25th in various preseason polls and were coming off a monumental upset of #2 WVU in the Backyard Brawl last season.

So of course first game of the season they go out and lay an egg.  And not a little egg.  I’m talking ostrich egg here.  Wannastache and offensive coordinator Matt Cavanaugh evidently need a bit of a refresher course in Football 101.   See, when your big name Heisman touted running back is your primary weapon, other teams will do what is known as “stacking the box” against you to prevent him from beating them.   That is when you do something else, some call it “the passing game,” in order to loosen up said defense and allow said running back to eventually find some room.

Much like many Pitt students, the coaches must’ve been to hungover to attend class that day because they clearly did not learn this lesson.  Bowling Green brought 7 and 8 men to the line and basically dared them to throw the ball.  So what did Pitt do?   Ran Lesean McCoy off tackle to the right.  Then they ran him off tackle to the left.  Then, for good measure, ran him right up the gut.  Punt, rinse, repeat and there’s your game.

It also didn’t help that Shady McCoy fumbled the ball on a crucial first half drive and the Pitt offense turned the ball over 4 times, while the Pitt defense played in a semi-prevent looking thing against BG’s spread offense, allowing the recievers 7-8 yard cushions on almost every play.   And perhaps worst of all, Wannastache and his trademark Nad-Free playcalling led to them punting from BG’s 35 yard line, letting time run down and kicking a FG when they could’ve ran at least 2 more plays, and repeatedly throwing short screens and dumps to the flat instead of actually, you know, winging the ball downfield a bit.

I mentioned last year that I don’t watch much college football and when Pitt is your home team, you can understand why.   I actually attended this game live and in person, along with about 45,000 other suckers fans who were equally pissed and horrified at the disaster unfolding before them.  And I’m not just referring to the game break “entertainment.”   Whatever happened to just having cheerleaders?  Now we have cheerleaders, drill team, majorettes, some spirit squad looking goofs with flags, and worst of all a dance team, who seem to be just cheerleaders who were not thin and attractive enough to be real cheerleaders.  I mean, I’m all for letting chunky girls take part in school activities but if they’re not even going to perform in a uniform that says “Pitt” on it or reflects the school colors, what’s the point?

Then again, what was the point of anything that happened Saturday?  What did we expect from Pitt?  Big East title?  National championship?  Yep, they got us.  They know nobody loves football as much as Western PA so they promised us a chance of glory on Saturdays when we should’ve known it’s just the same ‘ol Pitt.  Shame on us.

I don’t often write about college football because I don’t often watch college football. Part of it has to do with the fact I went to Carnegie Mellon, where we can calculate the exact velocity of a forward pass but can’t actually throw one. Our mascot was a freakin’ Scotty dog for crying out loud. What’s threatening about a Scotty dog? Get him riled and he’ll pee on your leg?

I do, however, enjoy watching the Backyard Brawl game between Pitt and WVU every year since I just plain don’t like West Virginia. They really should consider changing the sign you read when you leave Pennsylvania to say, “Welcome to West Virginia. Please set your watches back fifteen years.” Add the fact WVU was ranked #2 in the nation and favored to win by TWENTY-EIGHT points and I was so there rooting for the blue and gold, even if I didn’t attend the university and they’re coached by Dave Wannstedt.

So I’m sitting there, drinking an Iron, watching the game, and something strange, yet wonderful, begins to unfold before my beady little eyes. Pitt’s stuffing their offense! Shady McCoy is running all over their defense! Pat White goes out with an injury! We’re up by seven!

Then the screwjob begins. Crusty Old Ref #1 calls a personal foul on the prettiest swan dive this side of Greg Louganis. Crusty Old Ref #2 throws a flag for a phantom holding penalty. Not to be outdone, Crusty Old Ref #1 calls an even worse phantom holding penalty. Pat White returns. Pitt’s doomed!

Except they’re not! They man up, hold on a crucial fourth down, and run out the clock. A monumental upset of the second ranked team in the nation on their home turf. What a win. Congratulations to Wannastache and all his coaches and players on a thrilling, hard-fought, well-earned victory.

We all should’ve known WVU was screwed when their band spelled out “BCS” during the pregame show. The football gods will not stand for such insolence.

There hasn’t been much to cheer about for a long time when it comes to Pitt football. I’ll take 5 wins and beating #2 WVU any day. Had Pitt not lost its starting QB and star WR at the start of the season, who knows what could’ve happened this year. Do we actually have something to look forward to next year? One can only hope.

And, if nothing else, let’s hope next year Pitt gives WVU another Mustache Ride.