Yesterday, I came home from a long day at work, heated up a container of Ramen Noodles, and sat down in front of the television to unwind. On days after a crushing loss by the Pittsburgh Steelers, my interest in football tends to briefly wane.  Making matters worse was the fact our hated rivals, the Dallas Cowboys, were being featured on Monday Night Football.  I felt a little better seeing them play like total crap almost the entire first half.  My joy was short-lived as soon enough they began to pound on Bill Cowher‘s future team, the hapless Carolina Panthers.

In between the roughly five billion commercials networks squeeze in during NFL telecasts, I channel surf.  Usually my first stop is the USA Network to check up with what’s happening in the wacky world of professional wrestling.  In case you don’t care for fake sports like WWE or NASCAR or you stopped watching around the time The Rock changed his name to Dwayne, I should probably tell you that they have a new gimmick where every week Monday Night Raw is “hosted” by a different celebrity ala SNL.

Sometime around the 3rd quarter, I flipped over to RAW.  That’s when I saw the announcement.

Ben Roethlisberger is hosting next week’s episode.

Now, I know we’re only three games into the season.  But next Sunday night, the Steelers play the San Diego Chargers.  If Pittsburgh loses that game and they fall to 1-3, Steeler Nation will not be pleased.  Even though the show will be broadcast live from Wilkes-Barre, Ben will still have to risk showing his face in front of a bunch of pissed off Yinzers.  He’ll be a bigger bad guy than Randy Orton.

To be fair, Ben is doing the show for a good cause.  He’s there to pimp The Ben Roethlisberger Foundation, his charitable group which donates support to police and firefighters.  While he’s there, hopefully he’ll take a cue from former guest host Shaquille O’Neal and attempt to lay the smackdown on somebody’s candy ass.  I’m sure Mike Tomlin doesn’t want to see it but the idea of Big Ben vs. Big Show sounds like Must See TV to me!

Don’t get excited.

Yesterday’s 11-10 (or was it 17-10?) victory over the San Diego Chargers was the very definition of a bad win. I’m sure some diehard members of Steeler Nation as well as the team’s fawning apologists in the Pittsburgh sports media will declare things are back on track. They’ll laud yet another stellar effort from the Blitzburgh defense. They’ll talk of a rejuvenated offense which featured a 300 yard passer, 100 yard rusher, and 100 yard receiver for the first time this year.

And they’d be missing the point.

The Steelers failed to score an offensive touchdown for the third time this season. QB Ben Roethlisberger’s stat line looks pretty (31-41 for 308 yards) but most of that was climate aided. Due to the frozen tundra of Heinz Field, the Charger defenders tried to combat the poor footing by playing well off the receivers trying to keep things in front of them. This allowed Ben to dink and dunk 5-8 yards passes all day long. Most of the passing yardage happened on runs after the catch. TE Matt Spaeth caught 6 balls for 55 yards while WR Hines Ward hauled in 11 for 124.

To his credit, Ben did avoid the game-altering mistakes which have plagued him in recent weeks. He made a couple dangerous throws but neither the INT bug nor his habit of holding on to the ball too long seemed to crop up. Of course, the weather dictated short passing game was an important factor. If we could run this offense every week, I could understand some optimism. Since this was a one time thing under very specific circumstances, you can’t expect them to be able to replicate it every week.

While Ben avoided mistakes, the rest of the team was full of them. Now I know what it feels like to live in Oakland because this was like watching a Raiders game minus the crazy senile owner. I’ve never seen a Steelers team take so many penalties. The final tally was 13 for 115 yards, many of the drive killing variety. It’s fun to bitch about the refs but perhaps it backfired as Hines Ward (who got nabbed twice for holding) seems like he’s being singled out by the zebras.

One of the penalties, a ridiculous holding call on CB Ike Taylor, set up a SD touchdown. The receiver cut left as Ike was arm jousting with him while QB Philip Rivers threw the ball 10 yards in the opposite direction. The other penalties were a smorgasbord of holding calls, mostly against the offensive line, although one was on a kickoff return which negated a nice run back by RB Gary Russell. Russell, by the way, seems to finally be the solution to the team’s never-ending search for a capable return man.

The line, which to their credit only surrendered 4 sacks on 41 pass plays, had an up and down afternoon. Penalties killed them, particularly on a nice drive that reached the red zone only to see two consecutive holding calls saddle them with a 2^nd and 30. RG Darnell Stapleton was carted off the field and replaced by Trai Essex which by my count means Tony Hills is our last backup left. Pray to whatever god you believe in he never has to take the field. The run blocking was mostly good as Fast Willie Parker returned with a 115 yard performance. He looked completely healthy as the burst was back and seemed to have no problems with either his shoulder or balky knee.

The team did have problems once again on short yardage situations. Mewelde Moore was stonewalled once again on a goal line stand. Parker fared no better on a third and short later in the game. Exasperated, head coach Mike Tomlin gave Russell a try and he promptly converted two of ‘em. So that’s two valuable roles he seems to fill. Good thing we used our #1 pick on a RB last year, huh?

Of course, we’d all be talking about how the Steeler ship has finally hit the iceberg if not for the defense, particularly the work of one James Harrison. The Silverback accounted for roughly half of the Steelers points. Swatting the ball out of Rivers’ mitts in the endzone scored us a safety while his INT return set us up for a Skippy Reed FG. Harrison’s partner-in-destruction, LaMarr Woodley, also returned to play well, particularly on a third and long play where he prevented a big first down by knocking down the ball in coverage(!). Speaking of coverage, despite 2/3 of the Three Amigos being injured, their backups did a pretty decent job. Unfortunately named William Gay was picked on all day and mostly rose to the challenge. Anthony Madison performed capably. The only blight was recently signed Fernando Bryant, who got all kinds of turned around on the handful of plays I saw him for. Luckily, his miscues didn’t cost us. Oh, and speaking of secondary play, the INT by S Troy Polamalu will deservedly take a place amongst the best plays of the season by anybody anywhere.

Since we’re talking about Troy, I guess we need to discuss what happened on the final play. It’s enormously frustrating that players get fined for things that aren’t called weeks after the fact while refs blow calls, sometimes even affecting the outcome of the game, and nothing is ever done. It’s also frustrating that the people in charge of enforcing the rules don’t seem to know them. I tried to read the various explanations but there’s less bullshit at Phipps Conservatory. The main point seems to be the initial pass was ruled an illegal forward pass, thus ending the play there. Except the initial pass was Rivers throwing the ball to a receiver which has been legal in the NFL since about 1938. The WR then lateraled to another player who tried a third lateral only to have Troy jump the play and knock the ball toward the end zone where he picked it up and scored. Somewhere along the line, the refs forgot you’re allowed one forward pass per play. What’s worse, they took 5 minutes to review the play and still blew it. Who was he talking to under the hood, his bookie? Either that or maybe he went to the Dave Hebner School of Refereeing.

In any event, until Herr Roger Goodell decides to reach down with his god-like hand and wipe away the mistakes made by the zebras, it goes down as an ugly 11-10 victory for the good guys. The G-Men returned the favor from the gift we gave them a few weeks back by beating the Ravens so we now have a two game cushion in the division. There will be no rest for the wicked as it’s a short week with the Bengals on tap for Thursday night on the Channel Nobody Gets. The Bengals managed to tie (Tie? A freakin’ tie?) the same Philly team which crushed us and have been playing like an actual professional football team as of late. We’ll have to wait and see if the Steelers can say the same.

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I love Pittsburgh.

My grandparents were born here. My parents were born here. I was born here. Most of my family still lives here and none of us have any desire to ever leave. I love the city. The sights and sounds. The local culture. And the people. I’ve visited many other places in this country and can honestly say no other city deserves the title of Most Livable or Friendliest more than the ‘Burgh.

However, there is one part of Pittsburgh I’m not proud of. One aspect of the city we all know about but seldom like to speak of. Something which is brought up by outsiders from time to time although never spoken about here.

Pittsburgh is a racist city.

Please understand that I’m not calling you a racist. Or your parents. Or even your grandparents. And I’m not saying things haven’t gotten better over the years. But this is still a city that has a very spotty history when it comes to racial prejudices, especially when it comes to athletes.

Once upon a time Steelers head coach Chuck Noll received death threats for starting a black quarterback named Joe Gilliam. Gilliam, by the way, was undefeated at the time leading the team in place of the benched (for ineffectiveness) Terry Bradshaw. While I don’t think that would happen today, the disgraceful treatment of Kordell Stewart toward the end of his time in the Black and Gold shows there is still an undercurrent of racism around these parts. Sure, Steeler fans are always hard on their QBs. But there’s a big difference between considering Bubby Brister a functioning retard or dumping trash on Tommy Maddox’s lawn and labeling a guy a homosexual because he had a bad season after leading your team to not one but two AFC championship games.

With this in mind, I want to bring up the recent case of WR Santonio Holmes. Holmes issued a contrite apology this week after being caught with two joints in his car which lead to him being suspended for the Giants game. I read coverage of the incident and waited for somebody to point out what was obvious to me. Sadly, I’m still waiting.

The part of the story everybody seemed to either miss or more likely gloss over was WHY Holmes was stopped. Here’s what the police had to say:

“At the 3 p.m. roll call, the officers were told to look for an SUV with an out-of-state license plate traveling through the Hill with a “large amount of narcotics,” the police affidavit said.”

What they conveniently left out was one key word: Black. I will guarantee you any amount of money the roll call description included some variation of the word African-American in it. Guarantee. Of course they’re not going to admit that but do you really think they were stopping every single SUV that rolled through the Hill District that day?

Gotta love those crack redneck cops we have here in Pittsburgh. Accident on the Parkway and it takes 20 minutes for them to show up. But a negro in a fancy car with tinted windows drives around downtown and they’re ON THE CASE!

The police admit Holmes was driving perfectly fine. Not swerving. Not steering erratically. They pulled him over for no reason other than he fit a very dubious description. Pirate outfielder Nyjer Morgan was driving to PNC Park a few months ago and was similarly pulled over for having “tinted windows.” I guess “tinted windows” must be their new code word for “black man in nice car.” Of course, nobody said anything at the time because nobody likes to talk about this and because, well, nobody cares about the Pirates.

Here it’s happened again and this time it cost us a very important member of our team. Yes, Holmes needs to be smarter. Yes, he needs to take responsibility for his actions. But if the fact some Bacon Bits can just pull you over for no other reason than your ethnic background doesn’t bother you a little, you need to wake up and smell the Starbucks.

I don’t want to open up a debate about drugs. Usage of marijuana isn’t the issue here. The fact is the city of Pittsburgh doesn’t really care. The penalty for being caught with the amount Santonio had in his glove box was a ticket. That’s it. A ticket, just like one you’d get for speeding. Would the Rooneys suspend Holmes for not driving 55? I’m sure Herr Goodell and his Nazi-like regime would like to but even they know that would be taking things too far.

So what we have here is a guy stopped for no legitimate reason given a ticket for an extremely minor infraction who is going to probably miss at least two games over it. And the worst part is people are heaping criticicism on HIM. Gene Collier in the Post-Gazette wrote a column about how Santonio’s absence caused the offense to stall. Yeah, because Holmes not being there is why Big Ben refused to throw the football in a timely fashion or our line couldn’t block worth a damn. Ron Cook used his soapbox to also criticize Holmes, going as far as to claim he might have cost them the game. Good lord. The harshest words were by WXDX radio host Mark Madden who wrote he had no respect for Holmes. So the same guy who worked for and is close friends with a number of professional wrestlers, guys who abuse drugs and alcohol, not to mention beat and kill their wives and children, is disgusted by a pot bust? Really?

All the anger in this situation has seemingly been focused on Holmes and I’m tired of hearing it. Take your hands off your ears, open up your eyes, and point your blame finger where it truly belongs.

Anybody watch the EliteXC MMA show on CBS last Saturday?

If you’re a proud yinzer like me, you probably spent the night watching the Detroit Red Wings put the kibosh on our beloved Pittsburgh Penguins. Sadly, our quest for Lord Stanley’s Cup was fruitless as they went down to ultimate defeat last night. As an aside, I don’t want to sound like a whiny bitch, otherwise known as a Seahawk fan, but I’ll never understand NHL officiating no matter how many games I watch. However, giving credit where credit is due, Detroit was the better team and a deserving champion. If not for the heroic efforts of The Flower, Marc-Andre Fleury, the Pens would’ve been swept in 4.

Anyway, back to big sweaty tattooed men beating the snot out of each other. I posted that clip because it might be of interest to Steeler Nation. Last Saturday night, on that MMA show, a familiar name fought in an unaired prelim. Anybody remember Carlton Haselrig?

C’mon, people! Haselrig was one of the most gifted offensive linemen we’ve ever had. You think Barry Foster, Bam Morris, and Eric Pegram gained all those yards by themselves? Haselrig served up more pancakes than IHOP. What’s amazing is he never played ONE down of college football. He was an amateur wrestling star at Pitt. While there, he even beat future TNA Champion/WWE Champion/Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle. Three years later, he was in the Pro Bowl.

Unfortunately, Haselrig was a, how to put this nicely, FREAKIN’ NUTCASE. He once locked his keys in his car. Instead of using a coathanger to jimmy the lock, he decided to break the passenger window WITH HIS BARE HAND.

And that wasn’t even his manliest incident ever. He was once arrested for driving his motorcycle. Yep, Big Ben’s two-wheeled hijinks weren’t the first time the Steelers have run afoul of the Chopper Gods. Poor Carlton also had a motorcycle-related incident, although he was wearing his helmet…

BACKWARDS. But he was wearing it because, hey, if you’re going to cruise through McKee’s Rocks completely blind while on top of a 500 cc instrument of death, it’s best to remember safety first. Upon being questioned by the fuzz, he reportedly said he did this because he “wanted to see if he could.” That’s the best reason to do anything, folks.

So it should come as no surprise that Haselrig has decided to move on to manly pursuits which actually pay him money. Namely Mixed Martial Arts.

Sure he’s 42 years old. Sure he just started his new career in April. But this man is a 6 time NCAA wrestling champion. Even Angle admits he would’ve won a Gold medal had he pursued the Olympics. Instead he turned to football and dominated at something he had zero collegiate experience at. So I wouldn’t bet against him. If he puts his mind to it, I truly think he can accomplish anything, athletically-speaking.

UFC President Dana White, are you listening? I hear Brock Lesnar could use an opponent on a future card. Make it so!